Kunai's Collection
by Little Kunai
Summary: a bunch of one-shots that exsist for no other reason then just cause! From now on, all of the authoress's one shots will be going in here. Enjoy! Rated M just in case I decide to stick hot and steamy citrusy goodness in with the mix!
1. Kitsune no Uchi

******Kitsune no Uchi**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!**_

_In which Hidan and Kisame stay in the company of a strange ninja. _

"_Jashindammit! This water's fucking cold!" An angry voice rang out into the night._

"_Quiet you idiot! You're gonna get us caught!" Hissed a much softer voice anxiously. A beam of light blinded both men, and a small woman with brown hair and gold eyes was perched on the pool ladder, reminiscent of a curled up cat. She studied them with much curiosity. Kisame growled threateningly at his temporary partner._

"_What are you two doing in my pool?" She asked them. Her voice was bright and friendly, and held two distinct undercurrents to Kisame's well-trained ears. The first was one of perpetual laughter, the second was- _

"_We were trying to fucking get clean! There was no hotels in this Jashin-forsaken wilderness." Hidan informed her belligerently, as he climbed up the ladder, and grabbed her down. _

"_Hidan wait no!" Kisame shouted, but too late with a loud sploosh! Their cloaks were drenched. Far from being angry, the girl laughed merrily. _

"_Oh a shower! Well why didn't you just say so?" She asked, "You can come take a shower at my house while you wait for your clothes to dry if you like." She leaped out of the pool light and fast, her quick movements reminiscent of both an animal and shinobi. _

_Kisame was instantly suspicious. _

"_Why would you help us?" Kisame asked following the foolish woman inside, as he and Hidan emptied their cloaks and put them in the dryer. Before she could answer his question, Hidan asked one of his own. _

"_What the hell kind of a headband is that?" He asked, poking her headband. _

_Kisame scrutinized the headband, it was certainly one he'd never seen before. The headband had two sharp points, like a pair of ears, and the kanji for Roaming on it._

"_Mmm? I come from a clan of freelancing shinobi. We don't owe our loyalty to any one village." She explained, making sure that they had a full view of the food she was preparing for them. _

"_Isn't that just another word for rogue ninja?" Kisame asked darkly. _

"_Not necessarily. We just don't like to belong to villages, so we hire ourselves out to whoever wants us for a job, but can't afford to pay the regular price for a shinobi village's services, even shinobi villages have been known to hire us from time to time. I just returned from Sand quite recently, because their numbers are so low. My name is Ochiba by the way." She said placing plates of food in front of the two wet and bedraggled shinobi. "I owe no village any lasting loyalty at all, but ours is and has been a legal business for a long time. I know who you are, Kisame and Hidan of the Akatsuki. Though I understand the two of you don't usually travel together." She said matter-of- factly, and taking a bite of everything first for their benefit._

"_Fine, but why are you helping us?" Kisame asked, irritated as hell by Hidan's oblivious nature. _

_She grinned, "My clan always said I was just too damn nice to ever make a good shinobi." _

_Kisame's warning bells should have been going off, but for some reason he felt quite comfortable and relaxed, though he thought his host unbelievably naive for a shinobi. "Foolish woman!" _He thought with half-hearted irritation. He cautiously began to eat. Hidan had already started once he had seen her take bites of everything. He waited patiently, eyeing the food suspiciously, it was delicious and he felt there was no poison to be had.

They took turns taking showers, Kisame muscled his way in first, knowing that if he let Hidan take it, he'd never get in till morning. Hidan grudgingly stood guard at the door, while Kisame took a leisurely shower. After that, Hidan got in, the priest's shower lasted over two hours. Kisame took the time to inspect the oversized shirts thoughtfully provided for them.

"Sorry I don't have anything else." Ochiba apologized, "But I just don't have anything your size."

"You live here alone?" Kisame asked.

She shrugged, "Off and on. Even wild geese have to have a place to roost ya know?"

Hidan finally got out of the shower.

"Ok," She said, "There are RULES here ya know. One and most important, don't try to kill or hurt me. Just because I'm nice, doesn't mean I can't unleash serious pain, even on ones such as you. Rule Two; You try and steal from me and I'll know it. There's no reason to steal at my house anyways, all you have to do is ask me for something. Three don't do anything to bring the authorities here, just because I'm a freelancer doesn't mean I'll get off scot-free. Oh and if either of you want to seduce me in the middle of the night, I would be absolutely delighted!" She laughed again, and Kisame saw a deep loneliness behind her eyes. This foolish freelancing kunoichi had invited two murderous, infamous, and insane S-Rank criminals into her home, all because she was lonely! Kisame had the impression that she would have invited a Bijuu inside just for the sake of it's company. She showed them to a single room, there were twin beds inside, and they were quite comfortable.

Kisame was out like a light within minutes, his snores were loud enough to raise the dead! Hidan got up and peeked into Ochiba's door. The woman had a pillow over her head, and a comical expression on her face, eyes wide and bloodshot, teeth grit. Hidan was quick to notice the TV in her bedroom.

"Hey can I watch TV?" He asked her.

"Yeah sure come on in." She said, tossing him the remote, Hidan caught it deftly and flipped through the channels for a while, finally settling on an action suspense movie.

"Can I have the TV?" Ochiba looked at him, "Don't be an ass." She said dryly.

Hidan blinked, surprised at her suddenly serious demeanor. He sat sulking for a few minutes, letting the gunshots and angry voices drown out Kisame's snoring. Her hand absentmindedly strayed to pull the blanket over her, and Hidan gasped. When she had touched his hand, it felt like a million volts of pleasure had run through his body. His eyes grew heavy and he brushed her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"Mmm," She purred happily, Hidan received the pleasure stronger then ever, all over a simple act. She looked at him, eyes half mast and he leaned in to kiss her, every cell in his body tingling as tongues brushed and danced smoothly over each other.

Kisame's eyes snapped open. He was feeling pulses of chakra bursting and shimmying down his brain, creating ghost feelings of sensual intimacy on his cheek and his mouth. He got up and padded silently down the hall, peering in he saw that Hidan was behind Ochiba, his teeth nipping her neck and she gasped when he bit down hard, it was a sensitive spot for her and she moaned appreciatively, suddenly Hidan seemed to almost spasm, as his teeth repeatedly began scoring her throat, as though trying to break the skin, it was…animalistic, and it aroused Kisame when she growled deep in her throat and arched her back, as if begging for more. Suddenly the two of them stopped, hazy eyed and Hidan glowered at Kisame for spying. His eyes were possessive of the little kunoichi and were warning him to back off.

Kisame felt the animalistic urge to challenge the cocky priest for his right to Ochiba. Ochiba tensed, unsure of what the two men would do, and Kisame shook his head, living with animal instincts meant recognizing them and either suppressing them or unleashing them when the time was right. He was confused, there was something off here, not something dangerous but definitely off. He grunted and went back to bed. Hidan, the moment spoiled went back to watching the movie until he fell asleep.

Hidan woke up, the TV was still on, and Ochiba was nowhere to be seen. Cautiously the priest walked around the house, to find Ochiba cleaning out the pool.

"Morning." She said tentatively. "Umph."

Hidan grumbled in response, suffice it to say that Hidan was **not **a morning person.

She giggled at that.

Kisame walked out shortly afterwards, suspicious eyes looking for Ochiba and his partner. Being a shinobi Ochiba understood the deep mistrust. She too would have been wary, staying at a strange ninja's home. He looked around, trying to sense any jutsu that she might have cast on the place. Oddly enough there was not a single one he could detect.

"You guys hungry?" She asked them. Growling stomachs answered her question.

"Kay. Lemme just finish up the pool and I'll start breakfast in a sec."

Kisame was too hungry and impatient to wait for such a task to be completed. "Hidan!" He commanded "Clean up the pool!"

The Jashinist growled at him, "What?! Where the hell are you gonna be?" He nodded towards the retreating back of Ochiba, before following her into the house. Again Ochiba made sure that the Ex-Mist Nin could see everything she was doing. They were sharing a moment of silence.

"How long do you expect us to stay?" He asked after a time.

Ochiba shrugged, "You can stay as long as you like, and leave when you want. The door is always open whether you are coming or going."

Kisame didn't like the somewhat cryptic answer. It seemed straight forward enough, but the strange feeling of off-ness sat low and hard in his gut. They ate in tense silence, Hidan sat as close to the girl as possible, Ochiba would have enjoyed the meal more, if the stifling silence hadn't been broken with heated anger.

Kisame was more then ready to leave, but something in her eye compelled him to stay a while longer. They were in no real hurry, he told himself, and so they elected to stay, it was a rare treat for any ninja to be able to relax, swimming in the pool, dozing in the sun, watching TV, and eating when he liked. He trained with Hidan, for a while and as the sun began to set, he turned around and pointed at the startled girl.

"What the hell are you doing? Why have you trapped us here!"

Ochiba blinked, looking hurt, then she said coolly, "I repeat what I said to you this morning in the kitchen. You can stay as long as you wish, and go whenever you like. The door is always open for you coming or going. See for yourself."

Kisame walked out, expecting a genjutsu, but nothing absolutely nothing greeted his sixth sense.

"You stay here of your own free will, not because of any tricks I've played on you." She said, arms crossed.

Kisame was stunned, and began to wonder if it was just foundless paranoia driven into him at an early age. "My apologies." He said gruffly, but he found himself responding to the instant forgiveness in her eyes when she smiled at him. This foolish little ninja was a rare breed for sure.

Kisame and Hidan left after dinner, Hidan grumbling about leaving and Kisame suddenly turned to look back as the sun slowly sunk behind the house. There appeared to be an animal up there and then the animal turned and ran.

"I knew it!" He growled and went back into the house, only to find it old and dusty as if no one had lived there for years. He then dashed after the animal, Hidan's confused shouts getting fainter as he ducked into the woods. He found her there staring into a small spring. She turned and looked him, lying down, her arms crossed, feet up in the air and swinging back and forth idly like a child's.

"Did you forget something Kisame?" She asked innocently.

"I know there's something up with you. I felt it immediately!"

Ochiba shrugged, "Say what you like, I-" Hidan came running in to the small clearing, "Oof!" They fell into the water Ochiba pinned under his spluttering partner, the heavy cloak dragging them down, Hidan climbed to the other side of the small spring and began hacking his brains out, Kisame stared into the water, when it was still enough, he saw what looked like the unmistakable shape of a fox, but with far longer legs then any normal fox should have.

"Kitsune." He mouthed silently, other then the Nine Tails, he never really expected to see one in his lifetime. In fox-form Ochiba jumped lithely into the branches of a nearby tree.

She looked down at them in human form, crouching there like a bird, a shower of cherry blossoms floated down to tickle their noses, Hidan began sneezing violently.

"Well." Said a voice inside Kisame's head. "Maybe I did trick you just a little. But you wouldn't have accepted my invitation in my true form would you have Kisame?" Her voice was merry and laughing, but still held a tone of loneliness that made Kisame want to stay. "Still, my little trick never did you or your comrade any harm did it?" Kisame looked again, the red sunlight reflecting on lush sable fur, and black-tipped ears.

"True." Kisame thought, she had never once harmed them.

"The rest of what I told you is true, I do come from a clan of Shinobi Kitsune, where do you think ninja learned so many of their tricks?" The girl's golden eyes were laughing good-naturedly at him. Brown hair dripping wet, the droplets rippling the spring's surface, distorting the distinctive reflection of a two-tailed fox perched up on a tree branch.

"This was fun, thank you for easing my loneliness, you both are always welcome back whenever you like. Goodbye." A girl landed lightly on the bank beside Hidan, image flitting from human to fox in front of Kisame's very eyes as he watched her leaping flight into the woods.

"Hey sharky! You're a real paranoid old bastard you know that?! There wasn't a damn thing wrong with her, other then she's too fucking trusting for her own good!"

Kisame opened his mouth but then shut it again, realizing that Hidan hadn't seen Ochiba for what she truly was. "You're as blind as a bat aren't you Hidan?" He muttered cryptically under his breath.


	2. Songs of the Pack

**2) Song of the Pack**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

_Hana Inuzuka takes some time off to heal after a near fatal injury while_

_grieving over the loss of her dogs. She wanders into Hidden Rock, and comes upon a mother wolf and her cubs in need._

Hana Inuzuka stared miserably at the still forms of her friends. They had all died in battle, and Hana herself had just barely pulled through. She sat in a wheelchair as they buried the triplets in the family graveyard. Tears ran down the famous Konoha vet's face, she would miss them deeply

Hana Inuzuka stared down at the nursing pups, one a plump gray female toddled over to her, licking her hand and wagging her tiny tail feebly. The pup took to Hana instantly. With a sigh, she picked up the confused pup and placed her back with her mother. Tsume and Kiba shooting worried glances at one another, surprised that she had rejected the little pup. Hana Inuzuka still worked as a vet, tending not only to the Inuzuka dogs, but to the other pets in Konoha. However it would be weeks before she could go on missions again, and frankly after what happened to her pack, she was seriously considering resigning for good. She accepted that it was a cold, hard fact of ninja life to lose loved ones, just as she accepted that she could not save every animal that needed her help. But that did not make it any easier, especially since she had not been able to save the lives of her own. Hana swore she would never train another dog for battle.

They had swarmed around an enemy when she had been out cold from too much bloodless, the enemy had set up a mine field and they were dead before any other vet could get to them. So she walked, limping heavily on her left leg, a scar cut deeply into her thigh, a reminder that she had failed to protect those dearest to her. Hana wiped her tears away, the wide beauty of canyons and dusty trails telling her she was nearing Hidden Rock.

Suddenly she tensed angrily, there were three Akatsuki headed towards a small outpost village. She suddenly wished that she had accepted Kiba's offer to come with her. In perfect health, she might have had a decent chance against one Akatsuki, but she was still badly injured, her skills at the moment were limited to basic Genin level, and there were three of them. She scented the wind, one smelled of death and blood and psychosis. One smelled of muscle and money and dust, the third smelled like smoke and fire. Suddenly she sensed their presence behind her and she whipped around angrily. Quivering lips drawn back over her sharp teeth, a sharp snarl shot out of her throat. Shit! She was surrounded!

"What do you want Leaf?" The blonde asked, eyeing her with distaste.

"I'm on vacation Akatsuki!" She growled.

He snorted, "A likely story un!" The bomber said hands at the ready. Deidara was in a foul mood, he never liked going back to his home village, none of the Akatsuki did, whether they showed it or not, it was the most dangerous place in the world for them to return too, and he had come to deliver orders to Kakuzu and Hidan

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Hidan asked. "What are you? The fucking werewolf of Konoha?!" The silver-haired priest asked, cackling loudly at his own joke. Hana though clearly stung, kept her temper in check. A fight over pride was more likely to get you killed then anything else, something Kiba had never understood!

The tall masked beside him sighed in irritation. "You idiot! She's from the Inuzuka clan."

Hana repeated herself, her voice more like a rough growl then a regular human's. "I told you Akatsuki, I'm on vacation! Piss off!" She stood in the middle of the half-circle when suddenly she sniffed audibly, causing confusion and amusement between Deidara and Hidan.

Hana's ears pricked and what the wind and the terrified howls told her made the Inuzuka vet see red. "I don't have time to waste on you three, I've got more important business to attend too." She informed them and suddenly dashed through the group, and she did it so quickly that it took a moment for the other's too comprehend. They took off after her, it wasn't a ninja village, though plenty of Shinobi past through, they surrounded her again in a wide half circle, and watched.

A group of men were in a high fenced corral, they were kicking and jabbing a wolf and two cubs, laughing and jeering at them. The mother wolf snarled through her muzzle, trying in vain to protect her frightened cubs, as they whimpered and yelped and called for her.

Hana made hand signs, her teeth grew into fangs, and her nails into claws, her long hair whipped behind her like a tail, she leaped over the fence and snarled warningly. Her Konoha headband flashing brightly in the bright sun. "Only cowards would pick on the defenseless and the weak!" She said warningly, Hidan was peering down at her in interest; he liked the feral look on her face.

"You wanna dispute that lady?" A man asked angrily. No woman called him a coward! She needed to be taught to respect a man! "That aint no lady that's a bitch!" A fat woman said laughing at her. Hana said nothing; she moved swiftly, though she was down to half her normal speed and ripped out the man's throat with her own fangs. The fat woman screamed and tried to hit her with the sharp stick, but Hana's claws disemboweled her, she ripped out the other people's throats, and looked towards the wolf and her cubs speaking softly to them, she opened the gate and looking gratefully at her the wolves began running as fast as they could, towards the pack that Hana smelled not too far off in the distance. A warning look made the other villagers step aside for them.

Kakuzu glanced at his spellbound partner, interesting. Hidan was seldom attracted to a woman, though his partner's lusty eyes, he realized it was due to the fact that blood sprayed her face and chest. She walked away, limping proudly out of the town.

She was sitting on the mesa, staring up at the night sky and listening to the songs of the wolves when Kakuzu approached her, he was being sent to spy on her activities, since his Hidan was too loud, and Deidara had left.

Hana listened, it was a song about loss of loved ones, and it tugged at her aching heart cruelly, though she was sure that the wolves were not doing it to be cruel. Then the pitch of the howls changed, and Hana felt happiness bubbling inside her, she began to laugh out loud, not caring who was around, or what other's thought of her, just letting her happiness spill over her.

Kakuzu frowned at her strange behavior, deciding that Inuzukas' must be insane. True, he wasn't the most sane person either, but some people were loonier then others! "What are they saying Inuzuka?" He wondered quietly.

The wolves were now singing of loved ones returning, and how they would always be together, even in death, they sang of the joys of welcoming new life, they sang of family, of hunting together, living together, dying together, and being together, the song had begun to work its magic and heal Hana's shattered heart. Hana stood up; it was time to go home.


	3. Curiosity

**4) Curiosity**

_In which Tayuya decides to conduct an experiment of her own with Sakon and Ukon_**.**

**Tayuya for all her foul mouth and I-don't-give-a-shit-attitude was naturally curious. And who was it that she was curious about? Sakon and Ukon! The twenty year old kunoichi had always had the question in the forefront of her mind. She wanted to know if one brother would feel the same sensations as the other if anyone was ever crazy enough to actually screw them! But for all her bold speech Tayuya had never had the guts to ask them outright. **

**Unfortunately her teammates were all straight, so she couldn't ask them to do it for her. Though Tayuya privately had her doubts about Kimimaro being straight, she had never seen him show any sexual interest in guys either before he became deathly ill, so she decided that there was just something wrong with him period! Tayuya decided to make it her personal mission to find out and she had come to the inevitable conclusion that if she wanted something done, she had to do it herself! **

**The chance to answer her question came one rainy day when the rest of their team had gone out on a mission for Orochimaru-sama. Tayuya started a heated game of poker with the twins and she began casually plying Sakon with sake.**

"**I don't know Tayuya, Ukon doesn't like it when I drink." **

**Tayuya's initial response was to slyly insult him into drinking, however she had to tread carefully. Insulting one would piss off both and then her plan would go to hell! **

"**Well fine…if you guys wanna be pussies about it." She muttered without rancor and Ukon grumbled a bit and Sakon sighed and reached for the cup and slammed it down. When the game began to get sloppy; Tayuya who was a much better actress then she let on and who could hold her liquor much better then all her teammates put together, swayed drunkenly towards the already shit-faced twins and kissed Sakon breathless. **

**Sakon was definitely confused about his teammates' odd behavior but was too drunk to do anything about it when she took off both their clothes clumsily. Really if poor Sakon hadn't known his teammate better, he'd have sworn that she staged the whole thing. But this was Tayuya! She had never taken an interest in any of them! Tayuya felt awfully good though as she slowly took his dick in her mouth, her lips and tongue skillfully circling the head of his cock and stroking his length with her soft hands.**

**Ukon who had fallen asleep moaned as volts of pleasure awakened him, he felt himself begin to grow hard and eased his hips slowly out of his brother's back to accommodate his growing erection.**

"**Whaddya know? We finally found a better use for your mouth." He chuckled nastily and Sakon immediately shut him up. **

"**Quiet brother! My dick is in her mouth and I don't want her getting angry."**

**Tayuya had stopped what she was doing to glare at them both. Honestly if she hadn't, they would have gotten suspicious of her actions. **

**Ukon even in a drunken haze could see his brother's point and contented himself with moaning her name loudly instead after he apologized. Sakon's hands tentatively fondled her breasts, paused for a moment expecting swift retribution and slowly resumed their sinful activities when no retribution came. The twins had also figured out what she was up too.**

**Tayuya blinked hazy eyed at the twins, she had never expected to enjoy this herself especially since her question had already been answered and allowed Sakon to grab and squeeze gently, causing sweet sensations to flow over her skin. **_"Damn!" _**She thought, **_"I must be drunker then I realized!"_

**Sakon lowered his head and began to lap at Tayuya's already damp pussy, causing her to moan and buck her hips as Ukon gentle massaged her neck and scalp she came several times before Sakon slid into her and Tayuya in a passion-induced haze allowed both of her breasts to be suckled by Ukon. She felt a little weird about having a double-mint orgy, but that soon passed when Ukon slid in behind her and took her from behind while Sakon took her from the front. Tayuya began thrusting her hips faster as Ukon idly played with her breasts as Sakon played with her slick clit. Finally they all came at the same time, Tayuya crying their names and the twins roaring hers as they each grabbed her and pulled her closely to them, as they collapsed in a heap, panting heavily. **

**When their heart rates finally slowed down Sakon and Ukon smirked at her and said together. "Glad we could answer your question Tayuya."**

**Tayuya's mouth dropped open, though she recovered admirably. "Question? What question?" She demanded to know, all while acting as though she were the offended party.**

"**About whether or not we could feel each other's pleasure." Said Ukon in a smug voice. **

**Tayuya sputtered and growled, denying vehemently that the thought had never crossed her mind and that she had only screwed them because she had drank too much!**

"**Yeah you just keep on telling yourself that!" Said Sakon.**

"**To be honest, we were wondering when you'd finally get around to it." Said Ukon cheerfully as he merged into his brother's body.**

**The look on Tayuya's face was priceless.**


	4. Under Your Spell

**5) Under Your Spell**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Authoress:**

**This was written as a present for daydrifter**

**In which Kakuzu and Itachi have an interesting interlude in the forest.**

**Kakuzu stared at Itachi across the campfire. The Uchiha was pensive and quiet; something the old Falls nin got precious little of with his regular partner. He wasn't quite sure whether to be relieved or annoyed by the silence. True he preferred silence, it was what kept a shinobi alive, but at the same time and here he was more annoyed with himself, he suddenly realized that he had grown used to Hidan's constant chatter. Kakuzu decided to make use of the silence and observe his temporary partner, while making comparisons between them both.**

**Itachi was calm and efficient, he didn't waste time like Hidan did, nor movement. He was never flashy or boastful. Like Hidan he was confident, but confident in a different way. In a way that Kakuzu couldn't quite put his finger on. He was certainly more competent then Hidan, though his partner did have his moments and when the sadistic little shit actually put his mind to it Kakuzu would admit to himself-if no one else that they worked beautifully together. **

**But…he and Itachi worked flawlessly together. Itachi was an analyst, he took the time to figure things out and he could think on the go and under pressure. That was the earmark of a genius. Like Kakuzu, Itachi seldom felt the need to go all out unless the situation called for it and he was a handsome man. Hidan was handsome too but not in the way that Itachi was.**

**Itachi was beautiful, his fingers were long and slender, his black hair sleek and silky looking. He had a beautiful heart-shaped face and long lashes that framed his Sharingan eyes which made him look oddly even more feminine rather then threatening. He had a slender build and was just so well proportioned. He had called Hidan a pretty boy, but in comparison Itachi Uchiha was the perfect embodiment of a pretty boy. **

**Kakuzu felt his breath coming in a little short as he imagined what it would feel like to have complete control over that lithe body and his fingers itched to tug that raven black hair as he bent him over and fucked him senseless…though he doubted that Itachi would ever give him the satisfaction of knowing.**

**Itachi had been contemplating the mission when he felt his temporary partner's gaze on him. Kakuzu was a grouch, so long as a lesser nin left him alone they could get on with him and remain intact. Kakuzu was domineering; a few seconds in Tsukiyomi would fix that right away. Kakuzu was quiet. Kisame could chatter like a magpie or be as silent as his namesake. Kakuzu's moves were flashy yet efficient, they stood out too much and the Uchiha suspected that Kakuzu had once been as hotheaded and reckless as Kisame was now. **

**A covert glance told the Uchiha everything he needed to know about the direction of his partner's thoughts and Itachi didn't like it. Trained to be the perfect, unquestioning soldier he had quickly placed himself as the alpha male between himself and Kisame.**

**He shifted slightly and gazed into the small, yet warm fire, fighting a momentary impulse to close his eyes in blissful contentment.**

**Another covert glance told him that Kakuzu was not bad looking. He was tall and muscular, his hair not quite as black. His green eyes were calculating, though they held more heat then his own red eyes did. Itachi allowed his eyes to roam over Kakuzu's body, he looked shockingly young for his age and Itachi wondered briefly if he kept up a constant Henge around himself like the current Hokage did? A quick scan revealed that Kakuzu did no such thing. Kakuzu was actually rather handsome. Itachi thought, though he rarely thought of such things. **

**Even the threads held a strange allure, coupled with that dark skin where Itachi was as pale as a ghost. Itachi wanted to know what his own milky skin would look like in contrast to that deep tan but he kept things under wraps. They were on a mission and now was not the time to give into his whims. **

**Kakuzu had not liked the Uchiha's air of quiet superiority when they got paired up. After all, Kakuzu himself came from a prestigious, rich and influential clan. He had also disliked the younger man's air of dominance. It wasn't as blatantly obvious as Hidan when he tried to get the upper hand but it was there none-the-less and pissed him off. Perhaps a good fucking would show the stuck up Uchiha bastard just who was boss!**

**Still…he was wary and he had every right to be. Itachi Uchiha was not to be trifled with. Especially with that Mangekyou Sharingan of his. Orochimaru had been sent packing and even Zetsu had broken a sweat after being caught up in it once. What he had seen no one would ever know but it was a rare thing to frighten the plant man.**

**After all, a wise person would not underestimate others based on appearance alone. Itachi may have **_looked_** delicate but his reputation was more then enough to make most shinobi think twice before recklessly attacking him and his ability to deliver…**

**That last train of thought made Kakuzu extremely irritable with himself. Who was he to sit and cower and debate? Mangekyou be damned! He would get nowhere acting like a whipped dog!**

**Kakuzu's threads slid silently towards the watchful Uchiha, suddenly they wrapped around the younger man, drawing him very close to Kakuzu's suspicious eyes. Both men tensed…and they locked eyes, bright green staring into vivid red, the tomoe spun and Kakuzu cursed when he felt his own threads binding his large, muscular arms behind his back.**

"_Fool!" _**He thought to himself. "**_You knew better then to look into his eyes_**!" Now he'd gone too far and was going to pay the price it. He watched helplessly as Itachi began removing their clothes. A soft pattering sound alerted Kakuzu to the sound of warm, summer rain as it fell all over the lush forest and onto his bare skin. Itachi placed a warm, calloused palm on his stomach and those same warm hands began rubbing his chest. Kakuzu let out a contented growl as his thumbs brushed his nipples in a circular motion while his palms massaged his pectorals. **

**The Uchiha's soft lips began a trail of fire down his throat. Activating pleasure points with his chakra that had every inch of his skin tingling. He captured Kakuzu's mouth in a silken kiss, his tongue explored his mouth and lips, licking and sucking on his tongue, one hand kneading his scalp, chest to chest, while his warm hand began to glide down further between his legs and cupped his balls, fondling them. Kakuzu groaned as one finger pressed at a spot between his balls and ass, the pleasure was sweet and sharp and Itachi took the moment to slide his dick into his open mouth. The Falls nin began pumping his head back and forth, tongue swirling over the head, making the younger man purr. Itachi felt his length hardening, bringing shockwaves of pleasure as he slid his dick into the hot, wet cave of Kakuzu's mouth and down his throat. **

**He was ready now and he was going to make Kakuzu pay for his presumptions. He slid out of Kakuzu's mouth and turned him over, propping him up on his knees and spreading apart his firm cheeks, letting the warm rain drip down into the crevices. Kakuzu stiffened in shock when he felt the head of Itachi's dick pressing against his rain-slickened entrance and in one swift thrust the Uchiha was in, savoring the squeezing, pumping feel of the tight, hot muscles as he sunk all the way inside. **

**He began thrusting in and out savagely, making Kakuzu cry out in pleasure when he hit that sweet spot. Itachi grabbed a handful of hair, tugging on it harshly and Kakuzu grit his teeth when two more Itachi clones appeared. One with a cat o nine tails began whipping him. He snarled at the dual sensations of pain and pleasure, realizing that he'd been lulled into a sense of false security as Itachi slipped down and began rubbing his balls with wet fingers, squeezing gently with every crack of the whip. **

**Kakuzu could feel hot blood trickling down his back, as the whip cracked harder. **

"**Open up." The second clone demanded and Kakuzu grit his teeth stubbornly. **

**Nodding to the first clone, he began cracking the whip hard and fast, Itachi thrust into him at an equally brutal pace Kakuzu gasped and the second clone put his dick in. **

"**If you bite down, the consequences will be dire." The second clone warned him as a third clone wedged himself under Kakuzu's body and took his dick in his mouth to make his point. Kakuzu suckled on the second clone's dick, while the third clone suckled on his dick and Itachi continued thrusting into him, his skin burned where he had been whipped and he felt his hands being released so he could be on all fours. The first clone knelt behind Itachi and began thrusting in and out of him too, making all three clones moan. Itachi squeezed, feeling white hot fire lick his insides, toes curling and his breath became ragged. **

"**More." He growled to the clone behind him and the clone in Kakuzu's mouth breathed the same sentiment. Kakuzu clenched his muscles as he came shooting his come into the third clone's mouth. At the same time Itachi and his clones came with loud roars that echoed in the pale dawn. They disappeared as Itachi slid out, gazing at Kakuzu with passion-drugged eyes. **

"**Never attempt to dominate me again." Itachi said in a biting tone as he got up on and walked away. **


	5. Dangerous Games

**6) Dangerous Games**

**Because only tigers can play with tigers**

Itachi was being hunted. This was an ordinary occurrence in the life of a missing nin the reason he was being hunted escaped him at the moment. He was, (as far as he knew) running for his life. He had done nothing to anger his psychotic lover…that he was aware of and yet Deidara was chasing him with the trademark sadistic smirk plastered on his face.

Itachi was waiting to waylay the blonde in the abandoned mansion they had taken shelter in before the hurricane had hit and thinking back on it now, it didn't seem like such a good idea now. Being battered, injured and completely drenched by the storm Itachi wasn't in the mood to play one of Deidara's psychotic little games. He could hear the creaking of the floorboards as his lover entered the room, his honey blonde locks were in complete disarray and clung to his mesh shirt and Itachi unconsciously licked his lips at the sight. Deidara glanced around impatiently, this was one of his chief faults but at the moment Itachi didn't care. He was patient enough for both of them. He could wait until he sprung his trap, Deidara could not.

With all the practice of a born predator Itachi softened his breath until it was inaudible, he tensed his body, watching the blonde's every move, switched off his Sharingan which shone like a beacon in the dark and…found himself pinned between Deidara and a clone.

"If I were you I'd get started yeah." The missing Iwa nin said with an acidic smile, though he wisely avoided the Uchiha's eyes.

Itachi snorted as the flash of lightning illuminated the taller man.

"Why?" He asked coldly.

"Because one of us is a clay clone…"

Itachi shrugged elegantly, this was no surprise. He knew it wouldn't go off without Deidara activating it.

"…and it's a timed bomb." Deidara finished triumphantly.

Itachi's eyes widened. "When-

"I don't know." Deidara lied. "But the faster you get us off, the better chance you have of getting out of here alive…and intact. That's a C-3 bomb."\

If Itachi Uchiha were the type to curse loudly, he would have done so as his lover and its clone began grinding into his body simultaneously. Itachi stared blankly at him.

"The possibility of dying doesn't exactly get me in the mood right now." He informed Deidara coolly.

Deidara pressed his cold chest against Itachi's and whispered, "It's what makes life more beautiful un. You never know when its going to end. You should learn to appreciate it."

This had been Deidara's main goal ever since they had first made out in Itachi's darkened room. The blonde believed that Itachi needed to truly live life and was determined to make him loosen up.

His voice sent chills down the Uchiha and he moaned quietly. His lover knew that breathing in his ear was enough to get him hard. Deep gray met vivid blue and Itachi felt his soft lips sliding over the wind chapped ones of his lover's he felt Deidara's hand stroke his spine tenderly while the clay clone rubbed his chest, another one of Itachi's "hot spots" it jolted Itachi out of his dreamy state and reminded him that the damn clone could go off at any moment.

Itachi rubbed his now pelvis against the blonde's and was rewarded with two throaty growls of arousal. Tongues battled as the clone sat down and began stroking himself. Itachi watched those long elegant fingers wrapped around Deidara's long cock and felt himself getting hard again. He brutally forced his partner up against the wall and began ripping off his clothes, vowing to torment Deidara if he died in the throws of passion. Itachi forced the taller man down a little as he fisted the blonde locks, purring as he felt his erection rubbing against Deidara's own. Itachi was a gentle lover, he liked to take things slow and easy, savoring each moment.

Deidara liked his lovemaking to be fast paced but drawn out, he rolled and tumbled and was sometimes rougher then Itachi liked. Itachi stiffened when he felt the clay clone's erection pressing insistently at his backside, Itachi spread his legs somewhat reluctantly as the clone slid inside him. Both blondes gasped with pleasure as the clone began picking up the pace while Deidara deepened the kiss, bruising Itachi's lips, his hands slunk down to his waist and he began moving the Uchiha's back and forth, sometimes teasing him by using short, shallow thrusts, sometimes driving in deeper causing small gasps of delight.

Itachi watched his lover with half-lidded eyes as he clenched instinctively, causing loud roars from the excitable blonde. There were times when Deidara hit that sweet spot inside of him and times when it felt like he was going to hit that spot but withdrew suddenly with no discernable pattern. It was going to be what Deidara crudely referred to as a "good fucking."

Deidara's lips were pulled back in a feral snarl, he was panting hard as the sensations washed over him, making every cell in his body tingle. He enjoyed the Uchiha as he was now, head tilted up, lips parted, eyes half-closed, hair coming loose from his meticulous ponytail. He looked so unguarded that it nearly undid him, but he held back, he was determined to make the man began to sweat it a little, determined to make him think that he was running out of time, though it was a deadly gamble since Itachi, more concerned about his own survival could and would probably catch him off guard and kill him in order to escape being blown sky high. Not that he had any intention of doing so, but he wasn't about to let the Uchiha know that…yet.

He grabbed a handful of those silky black locks and tugged, enjoying Itachi's look of annoyance. He moved his head down, nibbling the Uchiha's pale jaw, sipping delicately at his tender throat, swirling his tongue around the shell of his ear, while he enjoyed the bite of his fingers entwining themselves in his hair.

He was raising the stakes by purposely slowing the pace down and he felt the slightest tremor of agitation as Itachi tried to speed things up again, playing into Deidara's hands perfectly. He couldn't stand his lover's sedate pace most of the time and he decided that teaching the stubborn man a lesson was an unexpected bonus. He grinned triumphantly into Itachi's hair. Life was very sweet right now. But something told him to finish things up so he let his clone set up a furious pace, matching each thrust to the tempo of the storm outside, the pale green light lending an eerie, erotic air of excitement and danger. Deidara couldn't hold back anymore, he let out another loud roar and clutched Itachi tight enough to bruise his ribs as his clone came hard inside of him. He shooed it away as the clone walked outside bare naked, gave the pair a mocking wave and leaped off the balcony, following with a loud explosion.

Itachi felt cold fury slowly building inside him when he realized he'd been had, outstanding sex not withstanding and turned his reactivated Sharingan on the too-smug man in front of him.

"I suggest you start running," Itachi stated coldly "because when I catch you I will kill you."

"That's if you catch me." Deidara said, grabbing his pants and running out into the storm. Itachi quickly pulled up his pants, grabbed a kunai and followed him into the stinging rain. He wasn't joking. He had every intention of murdering Deidara for the stunt he pulled.

Deidara looked forward to leading Itachi on a merry chase after the dangerous game he'd just played with the clan killer. Because life was beautiful and he had every intention of living it to its fullest.


	6. Gaara's First Valentine's Day

**Gaara's First Valentine's Day**

**This was written for the Gaa/Naru Valentine's Day Love fest**

It was cold. Gaara frowned as he trudged through the snow in Konoha. Living in the deserts of Wind Country it seldom snowed and the few times it did the snow would only stick around for a day at most. Fat snowflakes battered his eyes and he had to squint to see where he was going as he made his way to Konoha's most expensive hotel.

They were here because Naruto, the newly appointed Hokage, had invited them to Konoha and from what Gaara could see there was some sort of celebration going on. It was called Valentine's Day and it had crossed over from the west and seeing all of the cozy couples in Konoha had made Gaara feel achingly lonely. He decided that he did _not_like this holiday in the least.

He looked around for his siblings. Temari and Shikamaru were sipping sake in the bar and Kankuro was busy catching up with his friends so he was left to his own devices. He sighed as he shoved his hands deeper in his pockets. The gray sky matched his dour mood perfectly and his toes had long since become numb.

He entered the hotel room, it was a really nice suite and Gaara hated it. He stared in mute misery at the red brick fireplace, the cream walls, wide window and king-sized bed. It was much too large for one person to stay in and its opulence gave off a cold, unfriendly feeling, despite the mockery of the warm flames that had been lit in anticipation of his return. All-in-all Gaara felt lonelier then ever as he stared outside the window at all the people going about their daily hustle and bustle.

He sighed and plopped down in the squashy chair, cheek resting on his hand. After a few minutes he began drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, feeling restless and edgy, and then he got up and began pacing. What was he going to do? He asked himself. It was too cold to go outside and too desolate to stay in his room. Even after he had become Kazekage he had never really been social. Usually that didn't bother him but today his self imposed-solitude seemed to be pressing on him from all sides. He couldn't go in to see Naruto to break the monotony because the hyper-active blonde was in a meeting today and who knew how long that would last?

Gaara smiled inwardly at the thought of Naruto sitting at a desk all day and being forced to sign paperwork. It was the dreaded job of all Kages and Gaara had yet to find a way around that particularly tedious task.

He stared up at the grey-white sky gloomily when splat! He saw a snow ball sliding off his window. Frowning he looked down to see a flash of blonde disappearing into the trees. Gaara teleported using his sand and took off at a cautious pace after the perpetrator. For a while he sensed flashes of chakra coming from all over the place but he couldn't catch whoever had thrown the snowball.

He was about to turn in when he saw a flash white in his line of vision, before he could stop it, the cold projectile hit him squarely in the nose and he whipped around with a snarl on his face, intent on punishing the offender. The snarl disappeared when he caught sight of Naruto hiding in the snow.

Sticking his tongue out childishly he called out "Nah! You've gotten rusty Gaara-kun!"

"_Well well! Speak of the devil and he appears." _Gaara thought wryly. "You haven't changed much have you?" He asked his friend.

Naruto frowned. "Hey! Give me some credit. I've managed to lay more hits on you then anyone else!"

"And you're still an idiot." Gaara said.

Naruto let out a snort of indignation but let it pass. "Walk with me Gaara. I've been dying to see you all week."

And so, against his better judgment and intense dislike of the cold, Gaara ended up trudging through the snow with his best friend who was chattering away animatedly while Gaara only half-listened.

Ever since he had ever gotten to know the boisterous blonde, his never-say-die attitude and his zest for life never ceased to amaze him. How could someone who grew up the same way he had be so happy-go-lucky?

"-Ooh and I found a way to get out of paperwork!"

That snapped Gaara out of his reverie.

"You did?" He asked with just the barest hint of incredulity tinting his voice. "How?"

Naruto grinned at Gaara. "Shadow clones! Whatever they learned gets passed back to you right? Soo I let them look things over, one of them brings the information back to me and I give my answer and send it right back! Pretty cool huh? Course I'm screwed if Shizune ever caught me doing it!" Here Naruto paused to laugh heartily and Gaara noticed the snowflakes clinging to his lashes. How much those blue eyes sparkled and snapped with vitality and humor. His cheeks were red from laughing and from the cold air and Gaara blushed a little when his hand accidentally brushed Naruto's.

Lately whenever Naruto was around, Gaara would get this warm, quivery feeling that made him anxious and relaxed all at the same time. Having tuned off from most of his emotions his whole life because the Shukaku fed on them and amplified them, gave the red head little experience in how to identify them.

He was beginning to feel that warm quivery knot in his stomach again and found that it wasn't entirely unpleasant. It vaguely reminded him of the time Kankuro had convinced him to get drunk when they were fifteen. But could you get drunk off of a person?

Gaara sniffed the air cautiously, trying to see if he could detect a hint of sake on Naruto's breath. He couldn't smell any sake on him. His friend was very open with his emotions-perhaps he could ask him? So they walked on, Naruto still talking and Gaara fiddling around with words, trying to figure out a way to ask Naruto about what he was feeling.

But…suppose Naruto wouldn't like it if he told him? Suppose Naruto became angry and didn't want to be around him anymore? That thought only frightened Gaara into further silence and he began to feel the weight of depression settling on him and he wanted nothing more then to retreat to his room until this strange feeling was gone.

He was again startled out of his thoughts when Naruto grabbed his hand and said "Geez Gaara! Your hand is like ice! Why didn't you tell me you were getting cold? C'mon! I know just the thing to warm you up!"

With that said, Naruto all but dragged the furiously blushing Kazekage out of the thick forests and into the village. Completely oblivious to the whispers and stares of wide-eyed shinobi………………………………...............................................................................

……………and that was how Gaara found himself at Ichiraku's with Naruto who was rubbing his hands at the prospect of his favorite food.

He sighed. Ramen was alright, he would eat it occasionally when he wanted a quick meal but to see Naruto slurping it up like it was going out of style was enough to put him off it for good. But Naruto had paid for it and Gaara knew that it had been out of kindness rather then duty, so he courteously broke his chopsticks and began to eat in his slow, methodical way.

Naruto was right though, it did warm him up and that alone was enough to make him polish off the whole bowl and by the time he was done, he was beginning to feel warm and content.

"I'm sorry Gaara." Said Naruto, looking a little shame-faced. "I'd forgotten that it doesn't get snow in Suna like it does in Konoha."

Gaara shrugged his shoulders, which was his way of waving his friend's apologies off.

Realizing that all was forgiven, Naruto turned his attentions back to his second bowl of ramen. Temari and Shikamaru walked into the ramen shop. His sister was blushing and holding Shikamaru's hand, the two had been an item now for quite some time.

Naruto was nervous, because for the last two years he had begun to feel attracted to a certain redhead who was patiently waiting for him to finish his ramen. Whenever he was around Gaara he felt that deliciously warm, twittery anxious feeling in his gut that was like and somehow unlike his early feelings for Sakura-chan. It was the reason he'd played hooky on his paperwork today. At times he had toyed with the idea of telling Gaara how he felt.

But…what if Gaara didn't feel the same way? What if Gaara didn't like guys? What if he destroyed their friendship? A lot of people viewed being bi-sexual in a bad light, not that he cared what they thought! He rarely did, but he wasn't sure how Gaara would be able to hold up under the stigma.

Because he had discovered that underneath that tough, crusty old shell of his, that his friend was…sensitive. Before he could continue with his musings he caught sight of a very familiar hair-do walking into the stand.

Temari sized them both up and smiled knowingly while Shikamaru eyed her suspiciously.

"Can I talk to Gaara alone for a minute?" She asked, though it seemed more like a smug command coming from his sister then a polite request.

Naruto looked up at her curiously, eyes wide and brain working to find a way to eavesdrop

Dear Kami he is so transparent! Temari thought, refraining from rolling her eyes as he finally mumbled,

"Yeah…I guess so." He got up and went off to go keep Shikamaru company while he smoked a cigarette outside.

"You like him don't you?" Temari asked in a hushed and excited whisper.

Gaara glanced at her for a moment and grunted.

"Well go tell him that you like him!" She prodded.

This time her youngest brother took a long, deep breath through his nose, signaling that he was beginning to lose patience. Never a good thing, plus he was beginning to feel a little embarrassed at being confronted about this by his older sister **in public**.

This time her voice became gentle and coaxing. "Gaara--you can't be afraid of telling people that you care about them especially in our line of work. You never know if you'll see them next time."

There it was. The guilt she had always harbored for not telling him how much she cared since his abduction by the Akatsuki. Gaara felt it festering like an infection inside him, effectively ruining his tentative good mood.

"Temari." He said at last. "I'm tired and I'm cold." With that he got up and begun the short trek to his hotel through the now considerably deeper snow.

"H-hey! Gaara what's up? Where ya goin?" Naruto called out.

Gaara never said a word but continued to trudge through the darkening village.

Temari was about to pounce on Naruto when she found the blonde had taken off.

Naruto continued to run after Gaara, his feet skimming as lightly over the snow as a rabbit's and his breath puffing out in the frosty air.

Gaara was doing his best to ignore Naruto but that was about as pointless as trying to stop the damn snow from falling.

"I didn't know that you liked me." Said Naruto, stopping his friend in his tracks.

Gaara blushed a deep red and at that moment he wasn't sure who he wanted to kill first. Temari for confronting him or Naruto for eavesdropping.

Naruto had a strange expression on his face and Gaara, misunderstanding that look said tersely, "I apologize if I made you uncomfortable." With that being said, he marched on resolutely to his hotel which was now in sight.

"Gaara wait! You didn't make me uncomfortable! I've had a huge crush on you for years!" Naruto shouted loudly as he walked up to Gaara's room with him, much to the glee of nosy Konoha shinobi.

Gaara looked at his friend in confusion. "Crush?" He asked as they walked to the door.

"Yeah! You know? It's where you like someone--a lot!" Naruto attempted to explain.

Gaara frowned as he gestured Naruto inside. "I thought you already liked me?"

"I do but--well now I like you in a…different way!" Naruto said.

"Explain." Said Gaara.

"Ok…well, you see its' like this…" Naruto stood there struggling with the right words. "Like--um…Temari and Shikamaru! Yeah! I like you like that!" Said the blonde, rather pleased with the simple explanation.

Gaara blinked. He had seen (and wished he hadn't) Temari and Shikamaru kissing, stroking and doing various other things with their hands and mouths. So did this mean that Naruto wanted to do those same kinds of things with him? It looked, from his point of view, messy and strange.

He pictured him and Naruto doing those things and was surprised when that same inexplicable feeling in his gut came back and intensified and he felt a strange heat inside him that spread out over his skin and made him feel needy and aching.

Naruto was waiting for his friend to figure things out in his mind. He was a little surprised to see the Kazekage's fists tighten into balls and to see him blush a bright red and his eyelids instinctively lowered, it definitely turned him on! Though he seriously doubted that Gaara was the type for a quick roll-in-the-hay. So he was even more surprised when Gaara half-tentatively and half-boldly walked up to Naruto and kissed him. Naruto opened his mouth and kissed back, surprising Gaara who blinked at him wide-eyed and _almost _backed away.

Those pale green eyes were asking questions that he didn't know how to ask and Naruto cautiously approached, searching for the most minute signs on instant death via Gaara's Sand Coffin as he leaned in to give the Kazekage his very first kissing lessons.

Gaara refused to let Naruto's tongue in at first and adamantly kept his mouth closed but the blonde's fingers which were stroking his arms up and down in an attempt to relax him felt very nice and sent shivers up his body, especially when Naruto's experienced hands touched him in such a way that made him open his mouth and--and Gaara could suddenly see why people seemed to enjoy kissing. At first he let Naruto take the lead as he rubbed his tongue over Gaara's own and slid his moist lips enticingly against his. This caused pleasurable sensations as Gaara began to grow bolder and began his own exploration of Naruto's mouth. His hands, which had been fisted tightly against his sides, began exploring the blonde's body of its own volition, reveling in the feel of hard, muscular arms and a hard washboard stomach.

Naruto smiled slightly when he felt Gaara's hands wandering over his body. It sounded like his friend was finally giving way to instinct and the artless, yet natural way his best friend was touching him was like nothing he'd ever felt before.

Before either of them realized it, they had made their way to the cold, posh bed.

"Naruto what-" Gaara began.

"It's alright Gaara we'll only do what you want." Naruto mumbled, drugged by arousal and the sense of power and responsibility he had over his friend.

Gaara did not want to take things too far. So he sat down next to Naruto, feeling that to lie down underneath his friend would be to give away his power and dominance. Gaara stroked Naruto's face with his fingers, becoming intrigued at the small, breathy noises that he made. Naruto pulled him gently into a hug and Gaara closed his eyes, rubbing Naruto's back and hip. He liked the look on Naruto's face. It was flushed and almost sleepy looking and told Gaara that he liked what he was doing and was asking for more.

Naruto began licking him, his tongue trailing lazy swirls and in descript patterns down his bare chest that he somehow hadn't remembered removing. With mild shock, he realized that Naruto's shirt was off too. When had this happened? But at that moment, he couldn't bring himself to care as he ran his fingers through Naruto's unruly blonde locks, enjoying the feel of his talented tongue on his nipple making him feel as though he'd never been cold in all his life and enjoying the delicious heat that enveloped him from head to foot. They both lay down on the bed, on their sides in a perfectly neutral position while Gaara tucked his head under Naruto's chin, growling huskily as Naruto's hands ran up and down his back. Wrapped in each other's warm embrace, they began to fall asleep and Gaara gave a smile thinking that this Valentine's Day business wasn't as bad as he'd thought.


	7. Possession

**9) Possession **

This was written for the Gaa/Naru Valentine's Day Love Fest

Gaara glared disdainfully at the costume his sister held up hopefully. Naruto was kicking off his birthday with a big bash and of course he'd invited the Kazekage. Gaara pushed away the ridiculous looking outfit. Just because Naruto had insisted that they all dress in costumes, didn't mean that he was going too.

Lover or not he wouldn't be caught dead in a-it was then that his eyes caught sight of a strange, exotic costume the likes of which he had never seen. There was a strange, gold and black striped headdress, below that was a wide gold collar and protective shoulder coverings chest plate and gauntlets, below that a deep white sheet edged in gold and black that wrapped around the waist.

"What is that?" He asked the shop owner.

"That? That is what the ancient pharaohs wore Lord Kazekage." The woman explained.

"Ancient Pharaohs?" Gaara asked.

"The ancient Pharaohs ruled a faraway desert land called Egypt. They were considered Gods Lord Kazekage."

Gaara wanted it plain and simple.

Gaara felt extremely self-conscious as he walked into the party. For one thing it was bitingly cold and his metal outfit did not protect him against the cold. For another, he felt very exposed and there wasn't a single shinobi who wasn't eyeing him, though he noticed that the look was one of admiration and lust. He and Naruto had been with each other a year now. Ever since last Valentine's Day when they had fallen asleep in bed together.

Gaara was also quick to notice that the one person he wanted to be noticed by wasn't looking at him at all. In fact, Naruto, decked out in the most ridiculous pirate outfit he'd ever seen was extremely drunk and Kiba Inuzuka who was dressed as a werewolf was flirting with him.

He saw red! How dare someone flirt with Naruto! Visions of death and destruction flashed through his mind as he contemplated the most painful ways to kill Kiba Inuzuka. It also occurred to him that Naruto should be punished too, though those visions were more…explicit.

Seething with rage, Gaara stalked over to the Hokage. Kiba sensing Gaara's murderous aura backed away nervously. It was common knowledge that the two were going out. He didn't want to get caught in a jealous Kazekage's Sand Coffin just because he felt like flirting with him.

Naruto being Naruto and denser then ever when he was rip roaring drunk didn't notice a thing. "Oh heeey Gaara." He slurred. "Glad you could make it." He said happily, raising his cup of sake and sloshing some onto his pirate's outfit.

"We need to talk privately." Gaara growled, as he took the cup of sake, set it down and led the blonde away.

"What's up? What's wrong?" Naruto asked, giving him a squinty eyed look that was rather….cute. As Sakura would put it.

"You were flirting with Inuzuka." Gaara snapped.

"I was? We werez? Were?" Said Naruto.

He had definitely drunk way too much tonight.

"Yes!" Gaara said.

"Oh? There's a green eyed monster lurking around." Said Naruto, thrilled to death that Gaara had gotten jealous of him and not realizing that Gaara wasn't familiar with that term.

"What did you call me?" Gaara demanded as his infamous temper began to boil over.

"Jealousy ya know? Green eyed munster." Naruto said leaning on him for balance.

With Naruto's slurring and weaving Gaara felt that this was highly undignified. He looked at his outfit, the outfit of a desert god. He decided that it was high time that Naruto worshipped him properly. His sand tightened around him and forced him down to his knees.

Naruto was now highly aroused and began pulling down the white cloth wrapped around his friends' waist.

"Did I tell you how hot you look in this outfit? What is it again? Ohh yeah. Pharaoh costume. The Desert King. Mmm that definitely fits you your highness." He said with a drunken growl.

Gaara watched as sapphire blue was blotted out by that deep clear red, pupils narrowing into slits, he felt Naruto's claws get longer and knew that the combination of drunkenness and lust had awaked the Nine Tails. This was not the first time this had happened and at times the Kitsune's own lust had been a point of contention between them. Which was why he limited Naruto's drinking. Without Shukaku he wasn't quite a match for a Kyuubi possessed Naruto the way he used to be so he felt a little uneasy because the Nine Tails loved to dominate, but the Fox seldom did it with brute force and-ooh Gaara had to admit that the Fox's influence felt good. Naruto's hands were rubbing and stroking his body and even that simple act could Gaara close to an orgasm. He purred in delight as Naruto continued to stroke him, red narrowed eyes filled with arousal and enveloping him in chakra that was warm as flame and felt like silken sex to him, making the knot in his stomach get tighter.

Gaara transported them into Naruto's room and the overwhelming sensations of the Kitsune's pleasure almost made him lose control. That was undesirable; however he had to be careful. The Nine Tails was unpredictable at best and he had almost taken his hand off when it came to power plays between them.

When Naruto began nuzzling his belly, Gaara sat down on the bed, watching with half closed lids as his pink tongue licked and kissed him and it felt like fire and sex and Gaara purred again when Naruto took his dick in his mouth and begun to suck and ohh it felt so good, so very good.

"Should I pay homage to the Desert King Gaara? Should I worship you?" Naruto growled, licking on the underside of his hard cock.

"Yes. Worship me." Gaara responded, widening his legs to give the blonde better access. Gaara began stroking his head, running through those spiky sunshine gold locks.

"Mmm yes, just like that." He said angling his hips just a little so that he slid down his throat. "Naruto."

Blue flickered into his eyes but Gaara wanted the Fox's energy there and flared a bit of chakra, angry red eyes soon came back and came up to tower over the red head threateningly. Gaara remained composed and began to touch the Fox. The Fox liked touching very much, it appealed to its sensual nature, passed down from Kitsune to Kitsune. Well-pleased, the Fox butted Gaara's cheek, nipped his ears, dragged his claws down his back.

Hot chakra, scented like exotic spices and lotus blossom snared the red head, clouding his mind as the Fox bent over lifting his tails, growling and spitting encouragingly as Gaara rubbed some lubrication and eased his way in. Gaara had long ago learned that then when the Fox was being submissive he was to be treated gently, when he dominated he could be terrifying and wildly arousing.

Somewhere, way in the back of his mind, Naruto was watching with miserable eyes as his lover encouraged the Fox and a jealous rage began to consume him. More and more Gaara had been encouraging Kyuubi to come out and fuck him good, instead of him and he was getting sick of it.

He was still connected, still felt everything that Kyuubi felt and Kyuubi laughed at him from inside his mind, after all it wasn't as though he was left out and to quit acting like a jealous school boy.

He watched as Kyuubi's lust deepened turning his chakra a different shade of red, one that rippled and massaged, stroked and tingled and crackled.

Gaara he decided had a lot of nerve to get jealous of harmless flirting when all he seemed to want to do was screw the demon. The energy began to flow faster, like a rushing river and Naruto knew then that the two were going to orgasm and it was then that he saw silken red chords, licking and sliding across his friend like streamlined fire, the two were bonding and when they came, it was the last straw.

Furious blue eyes gazed into pale jade as Naruto came back in control of himself.

"You've got a lot of fucking nerve Gaara!" He said angrily, as the red died out of his eyes like blood diluting in water.

"What?" Gaara asked sharply.

"You get all-pissed off when Kiba was flirting with me but here you are fucking the Fox Demon! Don't think I haven't noticed that you want him more then me!"

"Weren't you messing around with Sakura just last month? What was your excuse then huh? The Fox wanted Sakura and you could barely control him and you accuse me of cheating Naruto?" Now Gaara was good and mad and his temper was in full swing.

Naruto winced. The truth was he had wanted Sakura just as badly as the Nine Tails. The two glared hotly at each other, pain and distrust leaking from both eyes.

"Fine so we both had some affairs." Naruto grumbled.

"Affairs? You and the Nine Tails share every single sensation together when it comes out. How is that an affair? I have no idea how to control the demon. That's your responsibility!"

"You openly encourage it!" Shouted Naruto.

Gaara felt a small stab of guilt. Had he really been so transparent lately? He couldn't help himself, the Fox's sensual cloak of chakra was addicting, as addicting as Shukaku's blood lust had been.

"That's not the point." Gaara pointed out bluntly, "the point is that you allow it to come out and you don't push it away."

Naruto looked away quickly; guilt was in his eyes and something else Gaara realized…fear.

He didn't want anyone to know, couldn't tell anyone. But a while back he'd had a run-in with Orochimaru and the snake bastard had done something. He didn't know what exactly, but ever since then he could feel the seal deteriorating day by day. He was slowly losing control of the Kyuubi and they were merging in a different way, instead of Naruto absorbing the Nine Tails, he was becoming more like him. He knew that there would be a point where he would have to resign from being Hokage and that thought had killed him inside. It wasn't fair, there always seemed to be something in the way of his goals, but he knew that a Hokage put his people first and at least he would get to fulfill his dream for little while.

Each time Kyuubi had emerged, he lost a little more control, now with his best friend, his lover openly encouraging the conniving Fox it got weaker faster.

Gaara didn't like the look on his face. Naruto was obviously hiding something from him. "What are you hiding from me?" He demanded.

Naruto swallowed the thick lump in his throat. Gaara was the only one he could trust with his secret right now. Who better to understand?

"I'm losing control Gaara." He muttered.

"Of the Nine Tails? How?" He asked.

"Orochimaru did something and its like the seal inside me is slowly rotting away. There are times when I can feel it crumbling inside me. Like an old building falling apart and every time he comes out, I lose more control over him."

Now he understood the distance and the melancholy air Naruto had been displaying over the last few months. Understood why the demon was coming out for his sexual fill more and more often.

"Its not the end, Naruto. You simply have to learn how to control him yourself. Now that you can't rely on the seal for much longer." Said Gaara, all animosity gone between them.

"Gaara. I wont drink anymore." Naruto promised. "The next time we make love, I want it to be between you and me, not you and the Fox."

Gaara buried his nose in Naruto's shoulder. He felt a sense of loss at those words as though he almost couldn't bear to be parted with his supernatural lover and that's when Gaara became suspicious of Kyuubi. Perhaps it was time to do some research. But for now, he would give Naruto his promise and they would leave the room and return to the party, he would also terrorize the Inuzuka before he left for home, that thought mollified the last of his jealousy.

They walked out, body language signaling to any hopefuls that they were off limits. It was a form of possession that they both wanted.


	8. Wish Upon A Star

**9) Wish Upon A Star**

**Disclaimer:****I do not own Naruto**

_In which Jiraiya gets his wish!_

"Neji! Were you checking out Sakura-chan with your Byakugan?" Naruto called tauntingly.

Sakura and Tenten looked from one to the other in surprise. Whether it was because they thought that Neji was peeping or because of Naruto's question was anyone's guess.

Neji scowled at his teammate, embarrassed at being caught at doing exactly that. However he was not going to give the blonde loudmouth the satisfaction of being right. So he fell back on superior indignation to turn the situation around.

"Of course not!" He said, acting as though _he_ were the offended party. "The misuse of the Byakugan in such a manner is rude and inappropriate!"

Naruto was undeterred. "Well if you say so Neji." He said grinning widely.

Sakura and Tenten giggled and it took Neji a moment to realize that Naruto had put the spotlight right back on him.

"Tch." Was all Neji had to say and stalked off ahead of his team. "It's a good thing Pervy Sage wasn't born a Hyuuga! He'd be peeping all over the freakin place! Nobody'd be safe from him!" Said Naruto refusing to let the matter drop.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?!" Jiraiya demanded angrily.

"If the shoe fits wear it!" Naruto jeered.

"Knock it off Naruto!" Said Sakura, who was dying of laughter on the inside.

They entered the gates of Konoha, checked in and debriefed with the Hokage.

"You know I did have the Byakugan once a long time ago." Said Jiraiya wistfully as they walked into town to get some lunch.

Naruto shot him _that look_, part of it said yeah right! the other half was exasperatingly indulgent.

Jiraiya understood _that look_, but he ignored it and began

"It was a long time ago, I was about your age…"

Cue flashback

Jiraiya looked up at the night sky and sighed, his eyes picking out the silhouettes of beautiful girls, winking and blowing kisses at him. The fifteen year old had just come home from a B-rank mission yesterday and was relaxing in his room. A track of silver caught his eye and on impulse Jiraiya wished on it.

"I wish I could have the Byakugan so I could see all the pretty girls!" He said with a giggle. Suddenly, a bright flash of light whirled around the young ninja and Jiraiya yelped. When he woke up, Jiraiya groaned. His head was pounding as he placed one shaky hand on his dresser and pulled himself up. When he had steadied himself he glanced into the mirror and fell back down in shock. He got up again.

"Release!" He said, but nothing happened. Could it be? Did his wish really come true? "I've gotta be dreaming." He whispered, he pinched himself. "Byakugan!" At that moment, everything changed. the images in his mind were blue gray and he could see for miles. He began giggling again when he saw his teammate several blocks over in the bath. A fierce blush spread across his cheeks as he watched her soaping up her unusually large breasts.

"If Tsunade only knew what I was doing she'd clobber me." He said happily. He looked down to the apartment below where his old academy teacher lived. He had always had a crush on Mitsuki sensei and danced around in teenage excitement when he realized-he could see through her clothes. "Wow!" He squealed. "I was right she really is a babe!" A thin line of blood trickled down his nose as he grabbed his book and began scribbling furiously, all kinds of erotic fantasies flying through his mind.

_The next day_

"Jiraiya why are you wearing those ridiculous sunglasses?" Orochimaru asked, eyeing him curiously.

"None of your damn business!" Jiraiya snapped back at his teammate, fearful that he might be discovered.

"No need to get so defensive. I was only asking." Orochimaru replied with a hint of irritation at his teammate's rudeness.

"I bet he's been sneaking sake again." Said Tsunade, who looked at Orochimaru, in hopes that he would take that bet.

Orochimaru shrugged. "You're probably right." He said, unwilling to take a bet that would cost him his salary.

Tsunade glowered at both him, miffed that he hadn't taken the bait. The three trained hard, then went off to eat their breakfast in silence. Orochimaru quietly contemplating, Tsunade bristling and Jiraiya giggling obnoxiously every time a pretty girl passed by. Since this was his usual behavior, nobody bothered to call him on it. It was a day off, something which many in the Leaf Village had little of and Jiraiya had to go restock his cupboards. He was walking towards the checkout line when Mitsuki sensei, his academy teacher walked in front of him. Jiraiya activated the Byakugan in a silent whisper. The rush of chakra enhancing his sight felt strange and alien still and was giving him a headache from the constant use, but it was worth it to see that…Ohh! Sweet Kami! He had no idea that pretty Mitsuki sensei wore nothing on underneath her dusty blue jeans! He was standing there staring, hand itching to take notes for his novels when a voice scared him out of his wits and what he saw next nearly-**nearly **made wish he'd never had the Byakugan!

"Hello Jiraiya."

Jiraiya whipped around to see his sensei holding a bag of groceries, while his young son Asuma shifted his own bag impatiently.

Byakugan still in action, Jiraiya noticed with horror that his sensei was wearing very tight, Speedo like underwear that barely contained his--

With a yelp of horror, Jiraiya dropped his groceries much to the consternation of the cashier and tore out of the store like a bat out of hell. The memory of what his sensei had been wearing branding itself permanently into his brain-

"Waiwaiwait a minute!" Naruto interrupted. "Are you telling me that the Third Hokage wore tiny speedos?"

"I swear it's true!" Said Jiraiya, holding his hand up in a gesture of honorable intent.

Naruto snorted disbelievingly. "I always knew your brain was twisted Pervy Sage! I didn't know it was that bad!"

"Why would I make something like that up?" Jiraiya demanded.

"I dunno you tell me." Countered Naruto.

"Quit interrupting!" Jiraiya yelled angrily as they sat down to order some ramen. "So anyway, as I was saying-"

"The next day we had a minor mission. One that would haunt my nightmares for years to come. We had to help out around a civilian retirement home. It was…awful!" Jiraiya grimaced. "There were man boobies that hung limply from their chests and moles that made people look like they had extra nipples and don't get me started on what some of those people wanted to-to do me. It was scary enough that they were doing _things _to me with their eyes. The Byakugan reads people intentions. It was a real nightmare Naruto!"

Naruto burst into laughter. "Wait! So you're telling me that instead of the Byakugan being the greatest thing that's ever happened to you it turned out to be a nightmare and you got stuck in old fogey hell?!"

"Hey! That's not funny! It was the reason I made another wish and got rid of the Byakugan!" Jiraiya snapped.

"Yeah right! What really happened is you hit your head and probably had one of your weird nightmares!" Naruto said authoratively.

"I do not have weird nightmares!" Jiraiya retorted.

"What about the time you were mumbling about getting mobbed by old lady monkeys at the hot springs?" He asked.

"That was different!" Jiraiya grumbled.

"Hmph! Whatever you say!" Naruto said.


	9. The Unlikely Pair

**The Unlikely Pair**

**In which Hinata and Kisame find out that life has unexpected twists and turns**

She was shy. She was delicate. She was beautiful. And even though the Shark nin KNEW she was a kunoichi and a damn good one who had proven time and time again that she could rise to the occasion, he still felt the need to treat her as though she were a porcelain doll who needed protecting from the world. Gentle and slight, he often felt far too big and clumsy around the disgraced Hyuuga heiress. Especially when his hands engulfed hers at an attempt of gentlemanly conduct and he stopped and stared in fascination at how small hers were. Like a child's wrapped up in his huge rough fists.

He remembered when she had tried to teach him how to dance. He had refused with a hearty laugh to hide his nervousness and she had responded with a shy giggle, saying that all shinobi were natural born dancers. Oh how he'd proven her wrong! He stepped on her feet and went left when he was supposed to go right. She never batted an eyelash, patiently adjusting him with a natural born grace that had been refined by years of hard training. Hyuuga were always graceful, not unlike Uchiha. Kisame decided, eyes narrowing when he caught sight of Itachi watching them with the faintest hint of amusement in his crimson eyes.

He leapt and danced with his sword, graceful only on the field of battle, at a time where it was almost impossible to be appreciated. Yet she had watched him, seen him, appreciated his savage grace that seemed in retrospect a poor imitation of her own. Saw her eyes widen in shock and she had leapt forward like a ballerina and used that amazing technique of hers to swat away the volley of shuriken with pinpoint precision.

The enemy, enraged at being denied his prey had leapt upon her when she least expected it, pinning her to the ground with a kunai to her throat. With a mighty roar, Kisame had come to her aid, hell bent on wreaking vengeance on the offending shinobi who dared to harm his woman! It had been his last mistake.

He remembered the first time he'd seen her. She was struggling in the grasp of several of her own clan members' hands. The council in all of their bigoted glory had seen fit to resurrect in secret the ancient Hyuuga custom of culling the weak from their clan. All while Lord Hiashi lay on his death bed after a poisoned smoke bomb had been flung at him in battle. This way they could keep the weak daughter out and welcome the younger, stronger sister in. It had been banned several decades ago by the Third Hokage, who had been appalled by the Spartan practice.

Kisame had felt an unexpected surge of rage flow through and had engaged the two Hyuuga in battle. Though when it had come down to the killing blow, the sacrificial lamb had put out her hands and asked him to spare their lives. He had been stunned by her weakness! It boggled his mind to this day that she had wanted to spare her would-be murderers lives! After making camp that night, he had left the young heiress and finished the job. When he came back, he found her wide awake, the weight of his sin reflected back at him from wide, silvery eyes. Kisame had felt a distinctly, uncomfortable, weight in the pit of his stomach and it had taken the missing Kiri nin several moments to realize it was guilt. Guilt was something he had not felt for a long time and for several days after he could not bring himself to look her in the eyes. She had stared at him for several long minutes that night, she had neither wept nor admonished him, and she simply took up watch for the night and followed them like an obedient dog all the next day.

Itachi had tolerated her presence only because she was quiet and out-of-the-way and pulled her own weight, though he had urged Kisame to get rid of her. She could only mean trouble for them. Trouble, he had said adamantly, that they did not need.

The two had been coolly polite to each other at first, though there had been several times when they had locked eyes. Hinata reading the true tragedy of the events of his fateful flight from Konoha in his, while he stared unflinchingly and all but sneered at the gentle pity in hers.

Akatsuki had fallen and fallen hard, only a handful were left. Himself and Itachi-san, Zetsu and Konan and surprisingly Kakuzu. Konan had taken the reigns to Amegakure and began working on reviving the decadent, yet dilapidated city that was rotten to its very core.

Zetsu out of some strong sense of loyalty that none of the others quite understood, remained with her as her spymaster. She had offered shelter to the last of them and they had refused her. Saying that it wouldn't do for the village's leader to be seen in the company of nefarious missing nin. They had banded together and taken up residence in one of the old hideouts, though close enough to Ame that Konan regularly sent food. In return, the remaining members had acted as unseen guardians, eliminating any threat to Konan's rule. If the Rain Kunoichi knew about it and they suspected she did, she never said a word.

Upon arriving at the old base, Kakuzu had been absolutely furious. He, like Itachi, knew exactly who she was and had gotten into a vicious and bloody battle with the shark nin for compromising their security. But Kisame was stubborn and eventually Kakuzu was forced to allow it. He had at first assumed that Hinata would be ridiculously spoiled, but had been genuinely surprised at her non-demanding nature and for that alone he, like Itachi, began to tolerate her.

At first Kakuzu had taken delight in her passive nature and had ordered her around mercilessly just for the sake of watching her jump like a frightened doe to do his bidding. Until, surprisingly enough, Itachi had intervened on her behalf, telling him sharply to leave her alone. Kakuzu had grumbled but he knew that it took a lot to anger him and when Itachi Uchiha was angry it was best not to challenge him.

Itachi had then turned his ire on the Hyuuga and told her that she needed to grow a backbone or she would get killed. Perhaps not in those words and it had made Kisame uncomfortable to witness Hinata's distress, though they all knew he was right. But instead of wilting under the Uchiha's icy tone, she had done exactly as he had asked and grown that backbone. Kisame couldn't have been prouder the day she had taken Kakuzu on in a sparring match and won. That had been the day when Hinata Hyuuga had earned the respect of the remaining Akatsuki.

The first time they had kissed had been awkward. They were sitting on the grass, after a furious sparring session and he couldn't help but realize how hot she looked with her hair in disarray and a combination of blood and dirt spattering her clothing and smudging her cute little face. He'd told her so and she'd blushed furiously, the next thing he knew he'd leaned in to kiss her and accidentally caught her lip with his sharp teeth. Embarrassed, he had walked away, while she had stared after him in the setting sun, holding a finger to her cut lip and a hurt expression on her face. She had followed him afterwards and had taken it upon herself to kiss the very shocked missing nin in front of the other members. Kissing Kisame had decided, was good.

Konan had approved heartily of her, when she met her on one of her monthly trips to bring food and supplies. She had liked the younger woman instantly and they had become fast friends. She had given Kisame a knowing wink, causing Hinata to blush fiercely.

Hinata sometimes chafed at his over-protectiveness he knew. She wanted desperately to be seen as an equal, but in their own way they all, even Itachi had become protective of her. Itachi and Hinata seldom spoke, but she looked up to him to measure her own strength, in a way that was at times painful for him and with those damned Byakugan eyes, they both knew it wounded him.

Kakuzu had never been friendly towards her, particularly after being told off by Itachi, but he had surprised him all when he stood in front of her as an opposing figure to Kisame's right after she had been badly injured during a fight with several bounty hunters looking to get rich.

But though she got on well enough with the others, it was to Kisame that she was fiercely loyal. Defending him in her quiet voice to a woman who heckled him about his looks. Sharing kisses and tender caresses in the night, even explaining to the Kyuubi bearer that she was happy and to please, please leave him alone.

The jinchuuriki had been relieved to see her alive and well, stunned to see the love shining from her eyes when she spoke of the shark nin, angry when he found out the truth behind "Hinata's abduction" and willing to grant his long time friend her wish. He had of course in typical Naruto fashion walked up cockily to Kisame and told him very firmly that if he ever found out he'd broken her heart or treated her badly, there would be hell to pay and he had better take good care of her!

The traitorous Hinata couldn't stifle the giggle at her old friend's demand and Kisame had sneered at him and told the plucky little brat off, not that it had done him any good and the two had stood there growling and posturing in the street before finally parting ways.

He took her hand and walked around the village, shopping for a few supplies of their own, using what little money Kakuzu had given to them. Hinata reveling in his comforting presence and Kisame glowering at any man who dared to try and catch her eye.

The first time she had coughed up blood had sent him into a panic. She had never quite recovered from the devastating blows her cousin had dealt her in the Chunin exams all those years ago. But Kisame didn't know this and had carried her off in a rush to bed. Hovering and worrying over her like the proverbial mother hen. He had been more then willing to rush out and murder her cousin if it hadn't been for her pleas. Grumbling he had settled himself on the bed all night, waking up at every cough or slight shift.

The first time, she had met Hidan, who, much to Kakuzu's near comical horror, had been dug up by Konan and Zetsu. The priest had been set to sacrifice her when much to everyone's shock she utilized the infamous 64 Palms and had laid the man out flat.

Kisame had stalked over in all his male macho glory and informed the man that if he ever dared to lay a hand on his woman again, he'd be eating his own guts for breakfast. Hidan at that moment raved that the pair had been living in sin and had demanded that they get married. Hinata's eyes had gone wide, Kisame could only gape after several moments he had merrily said, Sure what the hell! Why not? And that was the end of it. Hinata had been horrified at Hidan's…unusual way of blessings, though she never showed it and thanked Hidan for his…_blessings_. They had kissed deeply and Hidan whooped loudly when he picked up his kunoichi and carried her off to the room bridal style.

They had been together for seven years now and for Kisame things couldn't have turned out better.


	10. A Misunderstanding

**11)A Misunderstanding**

Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto

In which Shino Aburame is bored and unwittingly takes the blame for one of Naruto's harebrained schemes

i

Shino Aburame was walking around the village. The sun was shining through the leaves, the birds were singing sweetly, it was another uneventful day in Konoha. Shino was really bored. He sighed, he wished there was something to make his day more exciting but he had no missions scheduled for a solid week. It was then that he heard perverted giggling and snickering. He quietly walked over to some bushes near the women's bathhouse and saw Naruto, Jiraiya, Kankuro and Konohamaru crouching in the bushes.

Konohamaru performed Naruto's sexy-no-jutsu and began walking into the bathhouse. They all gave Konohamaru a thumb's-up. No one seemed to notice him and Shino was curious to know what hare-brained scheme the blonde had concocted this time, but sometimes waiting yielded the sweetest reward of all. So he bided his time patiently. After all, he had nothing else to do. Konohamaru walked out twenty minutes later and grinned at each other.

It wasn't long before a terrified woman shrieked, "Spiiiideeeer!!!" At that one word, an entire stampede of terrified woman began running out of the bath house, some in various states of dress, some wrapped only in their towels, some butt-naked.

The pervert Sennin and Kankuro began drooling and snickering, ogling the women. Naruto and Konohamaru high-fived each other, laughing and clutching their sides.

Only Shino seemed to notice the terrified desert tarantula scurrying away, only he sensed the spider's sheer terror of getting stepped on, surrounded by so many running feet. Shino raised his eyebrow and sighed. The tarantula climbed up the wall and scurried away.

"By gods if I ever catch the bastard who put a tarantula in the bathhouse there'll be hell to pay!!!"

That was the conniving group's cue to beat a hasty retreat. Only Shino was left standing.

A large, formidable- looking older woman came out of the bathhouse. At that moment she caught sight of Shino.

"So it's you Aburame! You sent one of your creepy crawlies into my nice clean bathhouse!" She raised her broom and charged. She was surprisingly fast for a civilian.

Shino dodged her broom easily, but in doing so, lost his favorite pair of sunglasses.

The woman stepped on them, yelling at Shino angrily and shaking her fist at his retreating back. The bug master sighed, Naruto owed him big time, he thought to himself. He made a mental note to never again ask for his boredom to be broken.

**Author's Note; **

Just a short story that I thought up.

I hope it brings a chuckle to someone.

Little Kunai


	11. A Merged Fic: Hidan vs Tampons

**A Merged Fic:**

**Hidan vs. Tampons**

_In which Hidan learns more about a certain fact of life then he cares too._

Usagi scowled as she rifled frantically through the bathroom cabinet. Shit! There was only one tampon left, her mother was out on a mission and her cousin was in Suna and sensei was a grouchy bastard when she was late for training and there was no way in hell she would ask her crusty old coot of a sensei about something this… personal! She had one option left and it was someone she really, really didn't want to ask! But she had no other choice so she took a deep breath and hollered "Daaadddyyy!"

"What?!" Hidan snarled as he stomped up the stairs, he had just finished a ritual and he had not been in a good mood since Temari and Jashin had left for their individual missions.

"I need you to go get me something at the store!" Said the now red faced Usagi.

"What? You out of toilet paper? Well lemme tell you somethin! We are not out of fucking toilet paper!" Said Hidan, though he had an inkling of what his daughter really needed to get, he was hoping beyond hope that she needed toilet paper because the alternative was…something he didn't even want to think about.

"No! I need uhh…"

"Oh Jashin preserve me." Hidan whispered fervently. "Whaddya need?"

Usagi's face was now flaming and she began stuttering, "I-I-I-uh-I-"

"Well spit it out!" Hidan snapped.

"I need some feminine hygiene products." She mumbled.

Hidan swore silently. "Well I'm sure your mother has some!" He said desperately.

"No there's only one left." She said meekly.

"Fuck!" Hidan grumbled, "Well can't you wait till she gets home?" Hidan whined.

"Eww! No that's gross! Mom won't be back for three more days! You can't make it last that long!" Usagi snapped, totally mortified.

"Well-you're a kunoichi! Can't you improvise?" He begged. He really did not want to do this.

"No!" She snarled.

"Fine but your coming with me!" Hidan said.

"Ok dad whatever." Usagi grumbled. Trust her dad to make a big deal out of this.

A few hours later they were at a store in a small village just over the border of River Country that served shinobi coming and going. Hidan and Usagi both had their arms crossed and neither of them bothered to look at each other.

Kankuro who had stopped on the way back from a mission, spotted his brother-in-law and his niece. Seeing the mortified look on the man's face, Kankuro knew that he had to see just what was torturing him so badly. Because seeing a tortured, humiliated Hidan was one of the many pleasures in his life!

"Make this quick Usagi." Hidan grumbled under his breath.

Kankuro watched as the pair stalked towards the feminine hygiene products. Oh yes! This was going to be every bit as funny when he had spied on an embarrassed Gaara and Tsuru. Hell with Hidan's loud ass in the mix it would be even funnier. Life was sweet!

Usagi's eyes began scanning the tampons rapidly, searching for her favorite brand.

Hidan on the other hand was trying to wrap his brain around just how they were used. Even though he'd now been married for almost thirteen years he'd never had to give feminine hygiene products any thought, mainly since Temari had handled all that stuff. He eyed the white, plastic aliens tubes suspiciously. Were they all rolled up for easier storage? Hell! Knowing kunoichi they probably kept a few senbon in there or something. His curiosity finally got the better of him and he grabbed a box and began reading the description.

"_Built for the kunoichi on the go with maximum absorption and a slender fit. You won't even know its there-"_

His facial muscles began to twitch when he realized just how tampons worked and his face turned the deepest shade of red Kankuro had ever seen. It was all the puppet nin could do not to laugh and blow his cover.

"Usagi! Can't you just use those-pads things or something?" He said.

"No why?" Said Usagi giving him a strange look.

"Because then you won't have to-and these things go up-and-and…" Hidan wailed suddenly at a loss for words and beginning to run out of steam.

"Daddy! People are starting to stare!" Hissed Usagi who suddenly wished that the earth would suddenly open up and swallow her whole. This was getting really embarrassing.

"Blasphemy!" Hidan whispered.

Kankuro decided that it was time to leave, he wasn't sure how much more hilarity he could take.

"Hey! You! Puppet boy!" Hissed Hidan, catching sight of Kankuro and feeling oddly relieved. "Come back me up on this!"

"Sorry bro." Said Kankuro smugly, "You made her you deal with it."

"Smarmy bastard." Hidan grumbled.

"C'mon daddy lets just go pay." Usagi mumbled as she grabbed his hand and headed towards the checkout line.

Hidan sighed as he handed the money to the cashier, face burning. He was going to have a talk with Temari about keeping he bathroom cabinet permanently stocked with these things.

**Author's Notes:**

**I had a lot of fun writing this. XD**

**And for those of you who don't know,**

**Usagi is Hidan's daughter in my fic Angel of Death**

**Hope you laughed just as hard as I did.**

**Cheers!**

**Little Kunai**


	12. Pleasant Dreams

**14)Pleasant Dreams**

_In which Kisame dreams and Itachi becomes __an unwitting recipient to his partner's…affection_

Kisame grinned at the tiny woman he'd just finished having sex with. It never ceased to amaze him that the one woman bold enough to have a relationship with was a civilian rather then a kunoichi. Ashi smiled back as she curled up next to him and Kisame fell into a peaceful sleep, something rarely afforded to a shinobi.

He was awake the moment she got out of bed, making a decent amount of noise so she wouldn't alarm him and trying to stay quiet enough not to wake him up. She wasn't the most beautiful but she certainly wasn't ugly, she was quite pretty in fact with her black hair and dark brown eyes and he didn't mind that she wasn't quite as slender or as lithe as other women. He propped himself up on his elbow and waited for Ashi to get out of the bathroom.

"Come to daddy." He said, lips curving into a sharp-toothed smile as she frowned. She hated it when he said that and he took every chance he could get to annoy her with it.

Crossing her arms, she stuck her tongue out at him and said, "You know I hate it when you say that Kisame."

"I know. But you deserve it." He said with a chuckle.

A look of confusion crossed Ashi's face. "For what?"

"For bragging about me of course." He said sternly.

She blushed fiercely and looked away, "Don't look like that Ashi-chan. Its good for my ego to have other women know that I'm a dynamite lover in bed…but just don't come crying to me when I get mobbed by a group of lusty women and carried off somewhere."

She gave him a snarky grin, "Yeah, you're a regular damsel in distress aren't ya?"

The two of them laughed at that.

"No seriously. C'mere. I sleep a lot better when you're curled up against me."

"What am I you're personal teddy bear?" She asked in mock indignation.

"Yup. Sure are and you're my favorite. Cause you're soft in all the right places Ashi."

Chuckling she crawled into bed and Kisame felt a pain stabbing at his heart. He knew that this was only a dream because Ashi had been killed a few weeks later while he was on a mission by her family, all because she was getting too close to him. Ashi's family were all ninja, but because of a medical defect Ashi had no choice but to remain a civilian. Kisame knew that he had to hold onto this dream for as long as he could.

Itachi was in a light sleep, the wind was whipping coldly at his back and he swore he could feel every stone and pebble through the mattress. What startled the Uchiha into complete awareness was when his partner wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close. Raising his head to wake him up, he then found his nose mashed into Kisame's chest and the Mist nin let out a contented growl.

Itachi had to be careful if he was going to extract himself away from Kisame's grip, one wrong move and Kisame might kill him reflexively. Inch by precious inch, he slowly slipped his body away but right when he had found an opening to get out, Kisame then proceeded to throw his leg around him, effectively boxing Itachi in.

This was undignified, this was beneath an Uchiha and a missing nin of his caliber, this…this was actually rather nice. Itachi rationalized that teammates would often share body heat in the cold. Yes. That was all they were doing, sharing body heat against the bitter cold of a late autumn night. They certainly weren't cuddling because cuddling was unseemly.

Later on when Kisame woke up in a flurry of startled words and tangled limbs, Itachi realized that he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so soundly.


	13. Out for a Drink

**Out for a Drink**

_In which Kakuzu and Sakura find common ground_

Kakuzu was sitting at the bar, drunk as could be and it was really beginning to bother him. Drinking like this was an expensive habit, but he couldn't help himself. Hidan drove him too it.

A Leaf Kunoichi sat down at the table Kakuzu was occupying, she looked hotly annoyed and was rubbing her temples in misery. It was a look Kakuzu had seen all to often…on his own face when Hidan was getting to him.

"Boyfriend troubles?" the bartender asked with a knowing grin.

She scowled, "No more like teammate troubles." She made a clucking sound of disapproval and said, "He's so annoying at times, he's starting to drive me to drink."

"Hn. Mine already has and he's probably twice as irritating as yours is." Kakuzu grumbled in sympathy.

"Yeah?" she asked as she downed a second glass. "You don't _know _the meaning of the word annoying until you've been around him for five minutes."

"Huh. You Don't know the meaning of the word annoying unless you've been around my partner for five seconds." he growled.

She sighed, "He's so irresponsible."

"So's mine." Kakuzu agreed.

"He's so damn reckless. He just dives right in! doesn't bother using that brain of his and damn near gives us a heart attack!"

"I wish my partner would hurry up and die of one and leave me in peace. That man is loud!" Kakuzu groused.

"Yours too?" She asked, gazing at him suspiciously. She knew him from somewhere she would bet on it. Hmm. Red clouds…black cloaks….

"How loud is yours?" He wondered.

"Unbearably loud, you have know idea how many times that idiot almost got us killed because of one of his outbursts!"

"Mine does it on purpose." Kakuzu complained. The kunoichi was quite pretty and he wondered how old she was.

Sakura wrinkled her nose. "Really? That sucks. Mine doesn't." Her brain, fuzzy from alcohol after her fifth drink had finally realized he was an Akatsuki member, but…she couldn't bring herself to care really. He understood what she felt like and Oh! He had oodles of muscles and it looked good on him, Sakura was seldom attracted to buff men, particularly those old enough to be her great grandfather but he sure didn't look 91. No! He looked like he was in his thirties! Dammit why did most of the hot ones have to be psychopaths?

She gave a melancholy sigh, staring down at her sake. "He's one of my best friends and I love him to death-but sometimes-ok most of the time I feel like I'm babysitting a freakin two year old!"

Kakuzu scoffed, "I don't…but I feel like I'm babysitting a toddler too."

"Always mediating…"

"Always trying to knock some sense into his thick skull…"

"I've done that literally."

"I do it on a daily basis…"

They looked at each other and grinned.

A few more drinks and both Kakuzu and Sakura stumbled into her bedroom, locked the door and fell on the bed, they were both drunk and horny. Sakura because Naruto made it damn near impossible for her to get a date, she knew he was trying to look out for her but she was a big girl she could handle herself. Kakuzu because Hidan chased off any girls with his bad attitude and his gory religion.

They began removing each other's clothes quickly, as though fearing that the subjects of their previous conversation would burst into the room simultaneously to spoil the mood. Sakura let her now waist length hair down and took a moment to admire the way her bubblegum pink locks complemented his dark skin. He had gorgeous eyes and his muscles felt like steel wrapped in velvet, she couldn't stop herself from rubbing her hand over his biceps in appreciation intrigued that the coarse stitches only added to the unique feel of his skin instead of detracting like she'd originally thought for she was a sensual creature who loved to touch and be touched.

Kakuzu watched her, enjoying the feel of her small, hot hands exploring his body, he let out a rumble of pleasure when she began rubbing her calloused thumb over his nipples, he was sure that she was only doing this because she was drunk, most women shied away from his large stature, cold green eyes and kekkai genkai.

He ran his own hand through her hair, it was an unusual color and no doubt made her very noticeable but it felt like silk beneath his rough fingers and her small lithe body seemed to beg for his caresses. He ran his large, rough hands down her sides, up her back and back down her shapely ass, telling her with his simple touches that he liked everything that was sitting on his lap. He leaned forward and kissed her, she tasted like sake and apples and she deepened the kiss, stroking his face with one free hand. Kakuzu wasn't worried about this being a possible assassination attempt, his threads could bind her and kill her in a moment if she tried anything.

He got her nice and wet and gave a low chuckle when she finally got his pants undone only to stare wide-eyed at his dick. He wondered briefly if Leaf nin were inadequate in that area. But when she began stroking him, decided he couldn't care. Because for all of his testy attitude, Kakuzu absolutely loved to be touched just as much as she seemed too and when he slid inside her, biting back a sharp moan, he began pumping her very slowly, reveling in how tight and soft she was! His threads began caressing her thighs and hips, circling around her waist, moving up and down her back, and squeezing and pumping her clit, her hands mimicking the trails on his muscular body, toes curling against his sides as she slowly adjusted herself. He leaned her forward a little and began suckling her small, perky breasts, she responded with pretty little pouts and sharp gasps.

"W-what's your name?" She moaned.

"Kakuzu."

When he thrust into her a little harder, she moaned his name in a soft and breathy voice and somehow when she said it, it was like he was a virile young man again.

Her hands were rubbing circles on his back as he sat up, supporting himself with hand and she began circling her hips, causing his lips to part and she ran her fingers through his black hair, causing soothing sensations as her nails gently scratched his scalp. It amused him to see that his hand was as large as her pretty little face, his thumb firmly stroking her cheek as he bound her closer to him with his threads. They kissed while she began to grind into him a littler harder, delighted to find that his kiss was dominating and firm.

He looked into her eyes to find that the green had darkened from a light minty jade, to a deeper emerald. He found himself intrigued by them, just as she found herself intrigued by his eyes. She was certainly startled when he stood up with her in his firm grasp and began lifting her up and down to get a deeper angle. She obligingly wrapped her legs around him and began riding him hard, until Kakuzu began to feel lightheaded and she was screaming his name to the whole world. They came at the same time, Kakuzu enjoying the feel of her nails scoring his back and her nose tucked into his shoulder.

It had been a fantastic night and at 3 am they both finally fell asleep.

When Kakuzu awoke, he had been expecting the girl to either freak out and try to kill him, or leave as quietly as possible. He had not expected to find her cuddled up against him or for her to wake up at around the same exact time as he had only to look up at him with sleepy, tender eyes and drape a slender arm around his waist and breathe him in. Kakuzu eyed the clock and decided that he could stay in bed a little longer.


	14. Operation Improve Genepool

**Operation Improve Gene Pool**

**Author's Note: **

_This is not an official plot for the Mercy For the Merciless universe, _

_but rather a fun little offshoot written for Fifilafemme. _

_Warning there will be an OOC Hyuuga running _

_about and a fair bit of crackyness._

Hidan had eaten something that had disagreed with him and had unfortunately ended up puking all over his bed before he could get to the bathroom. Little-miss-goody-two-shoes being the kindhearted fucking soul she was had matter-of-factly grabbed his sheets, taken them to the laundry room and had gone back for more.

Unfortunately there weren't any to be had. This made Hinata suspicious. There were always several extras to be had in such a large household. She wondered briefly if this was the Main Household's only way to "get back" at Hidan…or perhaps the council who wanted him to contribute to the Hyuuga gene pool had gotten desperate and…no. That was ridiculous! There was no way it could be that. After all, the man was sick and while Hinata had never done anything sexual with another person, she was quite sure that a man vomiting and a young lady who had to care for him would not be thinking any such thoughts.

So wrapped in her thoughts was she, that she didn't even see Hisao Hyuuga sneaking by her to spray an odorless mist made to settle upset stomachs.

When she got back, she looked apologetically at Hidan who was brushing his teeth furiously. "Y'know, I think I got it all out of my system, cause I feel a whole helluva lot fucking better."

"I'm glad you feel better." She said. "Hidan. There's no fre-"

"Whatever you have to say miss-goody-two-shoes, it can wait till after I get out of the shower." He grumbled and began removing his clothes to make his point.

Hinata scurried out of the room, not wanting to have any wandering eyes get the wrong idea.

Half an hour later Hidan returned to an empty room and a sheetless bed and since he was already wet, didn't seem to notice the second spritz (this one designed as an odorless and potent aphrodisiac) in the room either.

"What the fuck?" He growled looking around. "Hinata!"

Hinata had just come back from the laundry room to put the sheets into the dryer when she heard Hidan yelling for her.

"Where are my sheets? And what is that weird smell all over the bed? Why is my bed wet?" He demanded to know.

"There aren't any fresh sheets Hidan, I just put them in the dryer. That smell is a combination of um disinfectant sp-spray and the fabric cleaner I used to clean it off."

"Oh. Well I'm a sick man! I am not sleeping on the fucking floor so go get your fucking sleeping bag or some shit!" Hidan grumbled.

Hinata was exhausted. It had been a hard day for her, emotionally and physically and she had to get some sleep because tomorrow they would have to start briefing with her team and she wasn't sure how Kurenai-sensei would react to the man who'd killed the love of her life.

She climbed into bed and said, "H-Hidan I've had a very t-trying day and I'm -g-g-going to sleep for a little while. If you want, you can bunk with Neji-san until the sheets are dry."

A moment of silence filled the room after that suggestion…"Hell no! Move over Hinata!"

He immediately pushed her over and got into bed, much to the blushing Hinata's dismay.

"Rules!" He announced grandly, "There are rules in this bed! Rule Number One! Don't touch me! Just…face the wall or something! Rule Number Two and yes this falls under the first rule but no molesting Hidan in the middle of the fucking night! I know I'm a gorgeous hunk of man meat but you'll have to show some fucking restraint! Ok? Rule Number Four-"

"N-number three H-Hidan." She corrected gently.

"I know how to count! I'm just tired ok?" He snapped.

"Rule Number Three! Do _not _keep me up all night long with your constant chatter! This isn't a slumber party and I'm not one of your giggly little girl friends! I need my rest dammit!" He said.

Hinata sighed, but refrained from pointing out that he was the one who kept them up all hours of the night.

"Rule Number Four-go to sleep, seriously. Like right now!" With that Hidan hit the switch and forced himself to fall asleep.

Hisao frowned. Why wasn't it working? That man should be all over Hinata right now. They were just lying there back-to-back. Hinata was up against the wall, while Hidan was on the edge of the bed. Furthermore his sharp Hyuuga eyes had seen something between them in the last week, Hinata seemed to genuinely like him, it was more or less simple affection on her part. Hidan on the other hand, was keeping his affection well hidden, at least to normal eyes. He could see it when he thought she wasn't looking, he could also see it in his actions, the way he constantly had the urge to touch her, be it violently in a spar, or accidentally. Though he kept it well-hidden he also didn't seem to know what to do with this newfound knowledge, other then to spar with her as often as possible, talk her ear off, or stand as an intimidating force by her side and if she noticed, she pretended not too. The dynamics between them were...odd.

A few hours later, Hinata felt soft lips on her neck, feeling tired and groggy she tried hard to ignore it, but when a warm tongue made long sweeping motions, she was suddenly wide awake.

"H-Hidan? What are you doing?" She asked. Her voice barely a whisper in the dark room.

"Just relax and enjoy it baby." Hidan murmured.

"Umm…"She said.

His hand began tracing nondescript patterns on her chest and Hinata froze. Activating her Byakugan, she saw that his pupils were like pinpricks. Something was wrong.

"H-Hidan-"

"Oh I can't help it any-fucking-more Hinata-chan! Make sweet passionate love to me!" He said.

"W-what?" She squeaked. "H-Hidan please keep it do-"

"I don't care if your family hears us! I don't care if the whole world hears us! I wanna hear you screamin' my name!"

"B-but-"

Downstairs a nonplussed and horrified Hiashi Hyuuga opened one Byakugan activated eye towards his daughter's room.

"Who knows? Maybe Jashin-sama will make an exception!"

"B-but what about your vows Hidan?" She asked.

He silenced her with a kiss. The kiss, which was Hinata's first felt marvelous. It was strong and firm and made her head spin a little. Which was surprising for such a conservative and violent man. The thought of taking him up on his offer made her feel as if she had butterflies in her stomach and as much as she was enjoying this, she knew he was under the effect of drugs and he would never trust her again and for reasons she could not understand, the idea of breaking his trust made her stomach churn and her heart ache.

"Hidan. You are under the effects of some kind of aphro-"

"Shh! Can you hear that?" Hidan asked.

"Hear what?" Hinata wondered.

"Your silence. Now shut up and do me senseless baby!"

"Hidan you have vows and you'd never forgive yourself or me if you broke them. You are under the effect of an aphrodisiac. Go to sleep." That said and done she quickly pushed a few pressure points and Hidan was soon snoring peacefully, a sliver of drool hanging from his mouth. Hinata giggled a little.

When Hidan woke up he found himself back in his own bed. "Ohh." He moaned and began shaking her violently. "Hinata! Hinata! Hey! Wake up!"

"Unh…uh…what? W-What's wrong Hidan? What is it?" She mumbled.

"Hey Hinata. Please tell me last night was just a crazy dream?"

"I'm sorry it wasn't." She said, her face falling at his stricken look.

"We didn't-didn't…" He was unable t finish the sentence.

"No don't worry Hidan. I would never take advantage of you in such a v-v-vulnerable position." She said gently.

"Can those magic little fingers of yours do something for memory? I wanna remember the whole goddamn thing, just in case your lying or some shit."

She sighed gustily, gathered chakra to her fingers and activated her Byakugan. A few, swift, deft strikes and Hidan got to replay the whole night

"You did that? For me?" He asked when he was finished. "You honored my vows?"

Hinata bowed her head to hide the shy, proud smile on her lips.

"You know, I really do like you and shit, that part wasn't just the drugs talking. There's nothing against us dating or even making out or anything so long as you don't try to screw my brains out. I know I'm hard to resist and all but still."

Hinata stared at him, convinced that there was still some trace of the aphrodisiac in his system and was surprised that there was no trace of it whatsoever. Had he changed? Maybe a little?

"See look at that, you can't keep your eyes off me. Hey! You don't like, spy on me in the shower do you?"

She blushed fiercely. She never had, it was unfitting behavior for a Hyuuga.

"Ha! You do don't you? You little perv!" He sounded more cocky then outraged.

He really hadn't changed at all. She decided with a small shake of her head. Then blanched. Oh no! There was no way half the household hadn't heard his loud declarations last night! What would they think of them now? Hinata's face flamed all the way down the stairs.

**Authoress;**

**Hope you enjoyed it Fifilafemme, **

**if it wasn't as good as it should be, please let me know.**


	15. Hidan vs Morel Orel

**Hidan vs. Morel Orel**

_In which Jashin was trying to have a relaxing moment until his father intervened_

"What the hell is this?!" A loud voice came from above.

"It's Morel Orel dad." Jashin said.

"It's what?" Hidan asked.

Jashin sighed, today was a day off for them and only because their sensei had gotten food poisoning from Tsuru's pitiful attempts at cooking and all the boy wanted to do was watch TV in peace. But there's never any peace to be had in this house. He thought irritably, what with his loudmouth sister who bullied him and his equally loudmouthed father who was constantly pushing everyone's buttons.

"What the hell is a Protestant?" Hidan demanded.

"It's some kinda religion in the Western World daddy." Said Usagi, who had her legs scrunched up so she could paint her nails.

"Why are you watching a show about some other religion?" Hidan fumed.

"Because its fucking funny. That's why." His sister supplied.

"How the hell is this considered funny?" He demanded.

Jashin groaned, his father was such a zealot sometimes and he had no sense of humor at all. "It's called satire dad." He said.

"Son speak up. I can't hear you when your muttering!" Hidan snapped. The man had to admit that his son was an oddity. He was soft-spoken, quiet and hated confrontation, unlike his belligerent, snappy, trouble-making daughter.

Usagi snickered. "He's always muttering."

"Never mind." Jashin said.

There were a few brief moments of blissful silence and Jashin was beginning to relax again when Morel Orel made a snide dig on Jashinism.

"Oh shit." Usagi hissed under her breath as their dad turned red and smashed his scythe through the TV.

"Hidan! Did you just destroy our TV?" Their mother called. Coming into the doorway. "Dammit that's the second TV this month!"

Temari was the most formidable kunoichi in Suna and Jashin was glad that he wasn't the one in his father's shoes.

"But-but baby! They were dissing Jashinism!" Hidan explained.

"Then don't watch the show Hidan! Turn the channel! Walk away! But quit breaking our TV sets!"

"Temari-" He began.

"You break another TV set and I'll break every bone in your body!" She hissed and the argument began.

"Nope. Never a peaceful moment." Jashin muttered as he trudged up the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

**This little fic was inspired by Fifilafemme**

**For those of you don't know, Jashin and Usagi **

**are Hidan and Temari's twins**

**From my fic Angel of Death**


	16. Gone Swimmin

**Gone Swimmin**

**Author's Note:**

**This one shot was written for mistress akasha**

**Her words were surprise me.**

**I hope you enjoy it girl! ^_^**

It was a miserably hot day and Team 7 had decided to enjoy their day off by heading towards the pool.

Well, Sakura, Kakashi and Naruto were going to enjoy it. Sasuke was being a stuck-up bastard. Kakashi had convinced him to come and had even convinced him to put on swimming trunks, but Sasuke had no intention of swimming. It had been bad enough for the last Uchiha to have to _borrow _Naruto's green shorts, he'd be damned if he had to get in the water too.

Naruto had already cannonballed his way into the pool and was busy splashing Konohamaru and his friends.

"Sasuke? Aren't you going to get into the pool?" Kakashi asked.

"No." He said, after all his sensei never said they _had to swim._

Faster then the teen could blink, Kakashi grabbed him and tossed him bodily into the pool. He came up spluttering and choking and shooting a death glare at Kakashi who's visible eye crinkled with amusement.

Sakura grinned at her sensei and dove gracefully into the water while Kakashi strolled in at a more leisurely pace.

"You should always be on the alert for surprise attacks Sasuke." He called out cheerily.

Sasuke sunk into the water with a scowl, vowing revenge on the Copy nin.

"Do you have the target within your sights?" Asked another smooth Uchiha voice.

Itachi and Kisame had been sent to capture the Kyuubi and had disguised themselves to look like the staff at the public pool. Kisame had henged into the life guard while Itachi took the snack bar.

Kisame who had had his binoculars trained first on Naruto, then warily on Kakashi caught sight of the Fifth Hokage walking to the public pool in a skimpy tan bikini. He focused on her well-endowed chest, brain too fogged to even bother answering in a way that didn't make his partner suspicious.

"Target CON-firmed." He said a little too happily.

Itachi was instantly suspicious. He knew it was a bad idea to let Kisame plan this one. He was about to go over and remind his partner why they were here, when he was suddenly confronted by a big problem. There standing impatiently in front of him was a _very _long line of waiting customers.

Kisame was glad that Itachi let him do the planning today, he could sit back and enjoy the view while keeping an eye on the Kyuubi kid. There was no harm in that. Just because they were dangerous missing nin didn't mean they couldn't have fun once in a while. Besides, Itachi's chakra signature was _much _too recognizable to be out among all these Jounin and Chunin.

He sighed as the cold, blue water sparkled and swayed invitingly at him. Surely he could release a water clone and go for a little dip. Walking quickly towards the bathroom, Kisame henged again, sent his water clone to take his place and made for the highest diving board.

Itachi wanted to kill the indecisive man, who was fourth in line. The people behind him were starting to get a little rowdy and Itachi was beginning to feel decidedly edgy.

"Just hurry up and buy something already!" One angry lady yelled from behind him.

Itachi silently agreed.

Kisame had reached the top of the tallest high dive, he looked down to make sure no one was in his way and with a sharky grin dove down to the blue water below…his face contorted into one of horror when he saw one, very contented looking kid swimming out of his way, leaving a bright cloud of fluorescent green in the water that could only indicate one thing! He was diving face first into a cloud of pee!

Using a bit of chakra he cut through the ominous cloud faster, face twisted in a grimace of disgust and as luck would have it, slammed his head right into the Kyuubi kid, effectively knocking him out.

Making a few hand signs, he grabbed the kid and hauled ass through the water.

"Shaarks! There are sharks in the pool!" Someone cried.

Listening with glee as civilian and ninja alike stampeded out of the pool to get away from his Suikōdan no Jutsu. Kisame made his escape.

"Target captured." He said.

Itachi had just got done dealing with the sixth customer when he received the message. The Uchiha took off like a bat out of hell and raced for his partner, trying desperately to avoid the slipping, scrambling, panicked people around him. Unfortunately, with his rather limited eye sight, he was knocked down and ended up sliding right into the open door of the girl's dressing room, where he was instantly mobbed by a bunch of delighted, but severely sexually frustrated women from ANBU.

Tsunade swore loudly, drawing chakra to her fists! She wasn't about to lose the brat, who had become like a sort of surrogate son to her, to the likes of the Akatsuki! Unfortunately, she ran into a problem while running after the infamous duo, in that her rather large breasts kept falling out of her bikini and she finally had to scoop them back up and try and hold them in while avoiding the crowd. This was the last time she listened to her subordinate's advice on the latest swimwear fashions!

Naruto, in the meantime, was being bounced up and down so hard that he woke up, he found himself being drained of chakra every time he tried to draw it to his hands so he did the next best thing he could think of. He grabbed a handful of the Kiri nin's swim trunks and yanked hard.

Kisame yelped when Naruto gave him the dreaded Atomic Wedgie, made worse because the water stuck to his skin. Naruto was instantly dropped on his head and Konoha's most unpredictable, knucklehead ninja made his escape. By the time Kisame had…unstuck himself, Itachi finally joined him, wild-eyed, silky black locks in disarray and forehead protector slung haphazardly to the side.

"Where's the Kyuubi?" Itachi asked.

"The little punk got away! I was mobbed by fifty Konoha nin and barely made it out. By that time the little shit woke up and I was chased off!" Kisame lied easily, hoping his partner would buy the bogus story."Where were you?"

"I was fighting off several ANBU." Said Itachi who didn't believe his partner for a second, but was willing to let the man have his pride, after all, he didn't want to admit that he'd be fending off unwanted sexual advances.

He sniffed audibly, "What is that smell? You smell like chlorine and…urine."

Kisame blushed in embarrassment. "Some little snot probably pissed their pants after I released my Suikōdan no Jutsu in the pool." He growled, unwilling to admit that he had dove headfirst into a cloud of chemically green pee.

"What are we gonna tell Leader?" He demanded.

"The truth." Itachi said simply.

"Yeah. Security was tight and the mission was botched." Kisame readily agreed as the two of them began walking towards their hotel room, wet sandals squelching with every step.


	17. Of Snakes and Hot Springs

**Of Snakes and Hot Springs**

**This was written for the Fateful Lust: Zabuza/Anko FC **

**Dedicated to Merv the Perv who inspired the idea with an epic quote (Thanks Merv. You rock! :D) **

**And for "Mistress" Ayana who wants it written *giggles***

_**Whenever snake is happy, Zabuza is snake is jealous, Zabuza is Anko is happy, everyone's happy...or in danger~Merv the Perv**_

It was ridiculous. Zabuza thought, as he and Anko traveled to the inn. He had no idea when it had happened and there was no way in hell he was ever going to admit it, but he was jealous. Jealous of what exactly? Of that damn snake! The summons was as big around as a man's leg, yet according to his lover it was still just a baby.

Pah! Baby his ass! What kind of a baby wrapped itself around a woman's waist before diving between her cleavage? He had to admit that he found the sight disturbingly erotic and as Zabuza glared at the summons for the hundredth time, he privately wished that he were in it's place.

"Why does that damn thing need to be there?!" He spat out, gesturing towards her breasts after he'd paid for the room.

"I told you before Zabuza. Its winter and Mogaku-san needs the warmth." Anko told him airily

Hearing its name, the snake poked its head out from the bottom of Anko's shirt and nodded emphatically at its mistresses' words.

Anko grinned, the ex Mist nin really needed to learn to lighten up a little and who better to do that then Anko Mitarashi?

"Why do you want to know?" She asked. She could almost see the fierce scowl on his handsome face and sniggered a little.

"You aren't…jealous are you?"

"What? No! I'm not jealous of a stupid snake!" He grumbled, crossing his arms and looking the other way.

"If you say so." She put her hands behind her head and walked towards the changing rooms. The snake took the opportunity to wave good-bye to Zabuza with its tail and he could have sworn that he saw a smug smirk on the stupid reptile's face as he was left behind to fume.

Anko and the snake were relaxing when she felt a wave of killer intent so strong that it cleared out the woman's bath immediately, Anko grinned, not at all disturbed by Zabuza's little "temper tantrum." One of the perks of being the Snake Sennin's former student was the immunity to have very little fear of most of her fellow shinobi.

Zabuza practically stormed into the water, treating Anko to rock hard thighs, a fabulous ass and his glistening, well-muscled chest. He promptly tossed the surprised summons into the water where it disappeared with a malevolent hiss and kissed her grinning mouth hard, shoving her legs apart with his thighs.

When they finally broke apart, she took a moment to gaze at his naked form in the swirling steam, he was panting a little and their raw lust was so thick it filled the whole room.

Zabuza loved the way the water dripped from her purple bangs as he ripped the towel off of her as his tongue traced her collar bone, while one large hand savagely gripping her hip. She moaned and arched her back a little as he bent down lower to capture her exquisite breast and begin teasing her nipple with his tongue.

Anko's fingers raked through his wet, spiky hair whispering encouragement as her nipple stood erect, she loved the feeling of being trapped between his powerful thighs.

He began rubbing his half-erect cock against her lips and let out a groan. Anko began rubbing her hands over his chest as he continued to tease her, scratching lightly with her nails, sliding down his hips, reaching beneath and rubbing his balls. He growled again and slid in, pleased to find her wet and moaning as she slid her hands around the back of his neck and ground into him to allow deeper penetration, their wet skin slid over each other as he made slow powerful thrusts and Anko squeezed him hard gasping and panting into his throat, fingers kneading into his scalp, rocking back and forth as the sweet friction turned into a roaring inferno.

Did he know how sexy he was? How powerful? How masculine? His deep growls sent shivers down her spine and his strong arms lifted her halfway out of the water to sit her on the edge of the pool. She wrapped her legs around him as he sped up the tempo and she cried out loudly as he began to hit her sweet spot repeatedly.

Oh! The combination of the heat, her high pitched moans, her slick body and her tight walls closing around him had driven him into a frenzy as he began to mindlessly pound into her.

She was the first woman he had ever met who was unafraid of him, who could go toe-to-toe with him for her own amusement who loved to encourage the wild beast inside him. She drove him insane with her taunts and mischievous smirks, her lithe warrior's body and she matched his feral, savage lust with her own. She felt so damn…unh! He could feel how close she was and when she bit down on that area between his neck and shoulder he couldn't hold it anymore. Loosing a loud roar he crushed her close as they came together, breasts heaving against his chest, both of them breathing raggedly like they'd just finished an intense battle.

Anko smiled against his shoulder. Oh yes, she would definitely have to tease Zabuza more often.


	18. Le Artiste Fatale 22 Flavors of Deidara

**Le Artiste Fatale**

**22 Flavors of Deidara**

_This was written for AlchemicNinja26844_

**#1 Born-**The day Deidara was born to the head of the Hiroto clan. Yusuke Hiroto was determined that the squalling bald baby would be raised as the pride of all Stone.

**#2** **Folly-**The day that Deidara blew up less then half of Iwagakure no Sato and all of Yusuke's dreams along with it, did the man realize his folly in being too heavy-handed, too restrictive and too busy attempting to bring the boy under control to notice the warning signs.

**#3 Synergy-**As far as Deidara was concerned, the Music of Destruction, Here today Gone tomorrow was a perfect melody that he had composed and while there were some basic components no two went out the exact same way. When he began to destroy that large city near Kumo, it was the tinkling of glass that added a delicate, chiming synergy that complemented the C4 Cranes he had used. So elegant, so heavenly.

**#4-Hatred-**Deidara seldom held grudges, but Itachi Uchiha inspired such fierce hatred that it had even surprised him. Itachi was too perfect, too calm and composed, too beautiful, too uncreative. He had clipped Deidara's wings and if Deidara couldn't kill the hawk eyed Uchiha then he hoped that his little punk of a brother would.

**#5 Logic-**Sasori no Danna was as venomous as they came. Cold-hearted, callous and a fellow artist. There was only two in that fucked up organization called Akatsuki. While Sasori may have had different views on art but they understood each other more then they let on.

"You know Sasori no Danna, you contradict yourself un."

"What are you talking about Deidara?" Sasori sighed wearily.

"Your art isn't permanent."

"And just how do you figure that?" The red head sneered as he made new upgrades to one of his older puppets.

"Because if it was, you wouldn't be making new additions to all of your puppets un. Your art is always changing, it just takes longer then mine" Deidara said smugly.

Sasori clenched his teeth in irritation, the brat had a good point and nothing he could think of right then could refute it.

**#6 Shades of Blue-**She was beautiful and classy, she was artistic and lady-like and deadly and much to Deidara's delight, she was all his. She had approached him one night and things went uphill from there, her thick blue hair complemented his blonde like the sun and the sky. She could allow herself to simply be herself around him, something previously only reserved for Leader. In sadness and in happiness, in icy wrath and in perfect contentment, she could be wild and sensual and sassy. He loved teasing her, he loved making her angry, he loved watching her squirm in anticipation and making her orgasm was another form of art. Konan had so many different shades of blue that Deidara was determined to discover them all

**#7 Tobi-**Deidara hated his sensei Tobi, he was such a suave, blonde-haired smarmy little bastard. Who took every chance he got to make Deidara's Genin team feel inferior. Well…Riotaro and Satoshi wilted under their sensei's tone, Deidara told him to fuck off!

**#8-Satisfaction-**As a child, Deidara hated the other kids and they hated him. They hated him because he was treated like a prodigy. Had they left him alone, then he would have left them alone, but there was this one pretty boy who took things too far and sheared off half his hair with scissors. So it was with great delight that Deidara knocked out his teeth and fucked up his pretty face with a low grade bomb.

He had been thrashed that night by his father and had had his art taken away from him for a while but nothing could take away that sweet sense of satisfaction every time the kid ran from him every time he saw him coming.

**#9 First Kiss-**Deidara's first kiss was with his teammate Riotaro. The smaller brunette had hair the color of wet sand and one blue and one green eye. He was from a minor clan that specialized in genjutsu.

(A rarity in Iwagakure and considered a cowardly form by its resident ninja) and Deidara took great delight in kissing him many more times, especially in front of his clan. Nothing made the blonde feel more gleeful after all then pissing off his homophobic relatives, plus Riotaro was awful cute so that was a bonus.

**#10-Reflection-**Over the years, Deidara's concept of art began to change. He began to notice that life was ever changing, even if most people didn't take the time to notice it. But nothing confirmed this more when Riotaro was killed in a fierce battle. His teammate had never been so beautiful or powerful and he would never grow old or decay. From then on, his art reflected the beauty of fleeting life.

**#11 Golden Cup of Freedom-**The first time Deidara tasted the sweet, heady nectar of freedom, was when he blew half the village to hell and back and swooped off on one of his clay creations.

**#12-Wind**-With the wind in his hair and the night sky surrounding him, Deidara fell in love. From now on he would be a free man and work only for himself.

**#13 Heartthrob-**Deidara quickly learned that no matter where he went, he charmed men and women left and right. The women more so because even the toughest ANBU would melt under his lusty ministrations and all thought of killing him flew right out the window. He had at least four or five lovers in several different villages.

**#14 Regret-**Deidara seldom regretted anything, but the one thing he did regret was the death of the first woman he had ever loved. She was a pretty missing nin from Kumo named Umeko and they had been traveling together for half a year before she fell to the hands of Hunter nin from Kusa. Deidara's fury had left a crater a mile wide and there wasn't a single squad member left when he was done. Deidara never stopped blaming himself. If only he hadn't gotten them rip roaring drunk the night before, she wouldn't have died that day.

**#15 Near Death Experience-**Deidara had been left for dead by Kiri nin and he had seen his own body drifting away slowly after the battle. Some unseen force (perhaps his willpower?) had pulled him back in and Deidara had to admit it was the weirdest damn thing he'd ever experienced.

**#16 Annoyances-**Deidara once thought that Tobi sensei was one of the most annoying people on earth, but nothing absolutely nothing could prepare the Iwa nukenin for the obnoxiousness that was Hidan and the annoying incompetence that was Tobi! One preached and the other played, but at least Hidan was good in battle. Tobi…was good for nothing! Deidara suddenly wondered if all Tobis' were obnoxious.

**#17 Alive-**At first Deidara thought that they lived in a barren wasteland of canyon and desert. But when Deidara snuck out at night to escape the formal pretentious bullshit of his clan, he realized that the night had exploded with life. Lizards hunted insects on the canyon walls and night birds swooped over head calling to each other in soft, trills. Deidara felt perfectly in tune with all of nature and that was when he first began to develop his art.

**#18 Sickness-**The first time Deidara became seriously ill was after he had deserted the village. He got chills and fevers, he threw up constantly and fell into temporary states of delirium. It was the first time he ever met Umeko who nursed him back to health. Deidara asked if she was some kind of freaky, death angel and she had smacked him lightly and nearly laughed herself sick. Before informing him that there was no way he was going to die from the Northern Mountain Flu

**#19 Home-**As far as Deidara was concerned, the whole wide world was his home. He would travel far and wide and could make himself comfortable in almost any social setting, from the lowest to the upper echelons of society…until he was forced into the Akatsuki. Deidara could never feel at home if he wasn't free.

**#20 Love-**Deidara loved being around Konan, but he could never love her. He could see she loved him, though she never said so, but she was no Umeko.

**#21 Fate-**Deidara couldn't bring himself to believe in Fate. It was laughable, it enraged him, it worried him and he tossed it away with as much careless abandon as a piece of trash.

**#22Freedom-**The day Deidara died was the day he was set free again. Set free from Akatsuki, set free from all his troubles, set free from the canvas of his mortal life. He was his very own masterpiece because he would never decay and he would never growing old and he would be as beautiful as Riotaro in the height of his power.


	19. The Odd Tune

**The Odd Tune**

_This was written for AyanaPL_

_In which Tayuya loses a bet to Ibiki and they both gain something better_

After Orochimaru had been defeated, Naruto had felt bad for the shinobi of Sound and had offered them a safe haven in Konoha if they wanted it. Among those who came were Tayuya who had been very happy to escape Orochimaru with her life.

She had been put under close watch by Ibiki and the two had formed a strange bond. At first Ibiki had courteously ignored her. The loud mouth brat was far too reminiscent of Anko for Ibiki's liking. Then just as Anko had somehow grown on him and had become like the raucous sister he'd never had, so did Tayuya grow on him and she became his unofficial student in Interrogation tactics.

She had a talent for it and her eerie melodies that she played on that flute of hers (along with a few drugs) could get people to sing like birds. Of course she wasn't as smooth or intimidating as he was but her brash personality and creative way of doing things led him to believe that she might surpass him as Konoha's Interrogation Specialist one day…long after he was dead and gone of course.

He also noticed that she had developed a small crush on him sometime after her seventeenth birthday and he was inclined to ignore it. After her eighteenth birthday he couldn't help but notice that the young Jounin had become very attractive. Still, Ibiki wasn't one who put himself out on the market very much, his scarred body and his job insured that most women weren't interested and he had learned to live with that ages ago, so he ignored that too.

He was walking home one moonlit night when he heard a haunting tune coming from the training ground 10 and he was treated to the sight of the cinnamon haired girl in shorts and a tank top. He found himself heading towards the area when a squeaky jarring note, momentarily broke him out of his mild trance, followed by a certain someone's unladylike cussing.

"Stupid goddamn tune! What's wrong with it? I just can't get it right!" This was followed by a growl and the sound of someone presumably whacking the aforementioned flute on a tree in frustration.

Ibiki could only grin at Tayuya's little temper tantrum, the former Sound nin was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to her music.

"Hey Ibiki c'mere!"

Damn. He'd been spotted. Tayuya had always a little more observant then most Konoha nin her age, though he supposed you had to be when you were living under Orochimaru's roof.

"I'm really pissed off right now. Come spar with me."

Ibiki sighed, if he didn't do it, he would never hear the end of it, he was a little surprised to see light blush on her face when he got closer.

"What?" He asked.

"Let's make a bet." She said. For Tayuya sparring bets had been common among most of the Sound Five sans Kimimaro. It was something she still liked to do, because even though she'd always insulted them, they had still been the only friends she'd ever had there.

Ibiki grimaced, the last time Naruto had lost a bet with her, Tayuya had ended up with her very own personal maid for a week, little buxom black dress and everything. But the man had a reputation to uphold and he was not going to back down to Tayuya. Though admittedly her freakish bets were the reason he had kept himself so busy interrogating people and going on missions for the last few years.

"Ok. What are the stakes?" He asked cautiously.

"If you lose, you get to kiss me!" She said waspishly, hands on her hips and her light blush deepening.

Ok, he could live with that.

"And if I win?"

"I dunno, what do you want?" She snapped.

Ibiki sighed, Tayuya didn't get embarrassed like other girls.

"I'll figure it out later." He said.

"What? You can't do that?!"

"Hey this was your idea." He pointed out in that calm, tone of voice, it usually diffused her hot temper.

"Fine yeah whatever! Bring it on!" She grumped.

Ok, apparently not this time.

Two hours later, hot and sweaty they stared at each other. Tayuya was pouting because she'd lost, not badly but she'd lost.

Ibiki forced himself to keep a straight face, it was rare to see the tough young kunoichi pout and it made her a little more endearing. He crooked a finger at her and she stalked over.

"What?" She growled, eyes flashing in anger

He kissed her, ensuring that she shut up.

Her hands ran over his face and his head, her lips were soft and smooth. He thought as her body leaned in closer to his, he ran a strong hand absently down her curves. They were nice curves too, he thought, not too much and not too little, he stopped for a moment to move that annoying lock of hair out of her gray-brown eyes and she could only stare in amazement at that single, tender, seemingly insignificant gesture.

No one had ever made her feel like this. Sure she'd fucked around with Kidoumaru and Sakon and Ukon before but this felt better somehow. She pulled him down and kissed him a little harder.

He was mildly surprised by how much taller she'd gotten, he thought as he rested a hand on one of her long legs. He couldn't believe he'd never really noticed them before, reveling in the feeling of her pert, firm breasts crushed against his chest.

"Mmm." She purred in his mouth and he agreed.

Her lips and tongue were nimble, probably from all her years playing the flute and her fingers were doing wonderful things to everything they touched.

His own larger fingers, stroked her hair, making her feel calm and contented and she looked at him with eyes at half mast.

Perhaps, Ibiki thought to himself as they held each other in the moonlight, perhaps he should give her a chance after all. He would take things slow at first then work his way up. She'd get frustrated with him, but it would be a good way to teach her a little patience.


	20. Daddy's Little Girl

**Daddy's Little Girl**

This was written for AyanaPL.

Mizu is also Ayana's OC

Zabuza didn't think he asked much. Kill the enemy quickly, stay safe, try to come back before a certain hour if you could make it. He considered himself a decent enough parent since he had hand raised Haku as his own.

But this…this was asking a little much! Mizu was on her way out when he had caught sight of her outfit. To say that it would be attracting too much _attention _was a serious understatement as his eyes took in the hip-hugging pants that dipped much too low for his liking, the elegant gloves that reached up to her biceps and worst of all the glorified sports bra.

"Mizu." He growled. "_What is that?" _

Mizu tried to look innocent and failed…miserably.

"What's what?" She asked.

"That-outfit-your-wearing." He said. Voice tight and eyes narrowing menacingly.

Unfortunately, his intimidation tactics had about as much effect on Mizu as they did on Anko.

"Oh this old thing? It's just my uniform." She said airily.

_Old? _Zabuza blinked.

"What about it?" She asked.

"Don't give me that!" He snapped.

"Mom!" She hollered.

"What?" Anko hollered back.

"Tell dad that I've had this since I joined will you!"

Zabuza was rapidly finding himself outnumbered and snarled. "Don't you bring your mother into this!"

"She's had it since she's joined and I think it looks great! I think it accentuates her attributes beautifully." Anko replied cheerfully.

Zabuza's blood began to boil at the last sentence. Anko had always been way too lenient in the way she let the kids dress.

"Well at least get a damn top on!"

"But this is a top." Mizu argued.

"No. _That_ is a damn sports bra _masquerading _as a top!" He said caustically, hand on his hip.

"Oh chill out." Anko reprimanded and Zabuza was beginning to suspect his wife was enjoying his discomfort a little TOO much.

"Like I said, it looks great on her and maybe it'll help her bring home a guy too."

That was the last straw!

"The only guys she'll be bringing back had better be for interrogation!" Zabuza roared.

That was when Zabuza noticed that Mizu had taken the opportunity to beat a hasty retreat.

Zabuza glanced at Haku who knew exactly what he wanted him to do without a word and the two headed out.

A few minutes before Mizu met up with her team, Zabuza appeared as silent as a ghost behind the two boys.

"If anyone of you even looks at my daughter in a way that I don't like and believe me I'll know if you do…they're gonna find your sightless heads stuck on pig poles."

Both boys gulped because the Demon of the Bloody Mist never threatened. He promised.


	21. Fifty Things Kakuzu Is Not Allowed To Do

**Fifty Things Kakuzu Is Not Allowed To Do**

**Author's Note:**

**I got Tagged by Deidara-kunis Mine**

**My victim is Kakuzu!**

**Mwahahaha**

**I'm tagging Mistress Akasha next**

1)Decapitate Hidan during meetings

2)Embezzle Akatsuki funds

3)Cause Leader'll get pissed if he catches him

4)To sell himself as a hot bondage hooker

5) But that's only cause he'd charge too much!

6)Play Scrooge in a Christmas story play

7)He can't kill the jinchuuriki before they are extracted

8)Is not allowed to lose to Naruto! Cause dude that was lame!

9)Is not allowed to stop being a bad-ass!

10) Claim that he invented the song Iron Man

11)Should quit taking too many iron pills

12)Should never allow his Wind Demon to eat eggs or broccoli before fighting

13)Man the stink would be awful!

14)Should quit denying that he's in lust with Hidan and get it on!

15)Gah! Bad fan girl! Bad! Bad!

16)Should quit allowing Hidan to kill all his bounties

17)Don't be a lazy ass!

18)Runs away when Kakuzu chases me!

19)Should stop denying his true calling as a porn star!

20)Needs to lay off the steroids!

21)Needs to quit hiding that sexy face!

22) Never quit scaring the kiddies at birthday parties!

23)Mwahahahaha!

24)Needs to not be so miserly

25)Isn't allowed to stop zinging Hidan

26)Is not allowed to let the other Akatsuki know that he has to use viagra

27)Needs to quit stealing hearts !

28)Oh that was so lame! XO

29)Shouldn't put his shirt on!

30)Is not allowed to join KISS

31)Yes that was totally random

32)Shouldn't swindle little old ladies by pretending to collect for charities

33)Shouldn't dismiss the powers of prune juice

34)Especially when it comes to that pain in the ass Hidan!

35)Shouldn't be such a spoilsport

36)Shouldn't stand on water while using his Lightning Demon!

37)Shouldn't take up professional wrestling

38)To pass himself off as Scorpion or Sub-Zero

39)Deny that he'd be an awesome playable character in Mortal Kombat vs. Akatsuki

40)Cause dude he would be so rad!

41)Shouldn't hold back on bustin a move!

42)Quit eating greasy food

43)Cause it's bad for your hearts

44)All five of them!

45)Wait he has five right?

46)Shouldn't pass up the chance to play Tarzan

47)With Konan-chan as Jane!

48)Needs to quit passing off his threads as raw silk!

49)Quit lying to the customer!

50)Shouldn't be underrated


	22. Strange Turn of Events

**Strange Turn of Events**

_A continuation of New Beginnings_

"Lord Hiashi is not here at the moment." Hiroaki Hyuuga said with a slight sneer. He had never really got along with the Uchiha clan.

"I see. When will he be back?" Sasuke asked politely.

"He will be back tomorrow morning. Now if you'll excuse me Uchiha-san I have things to do." Hiroaki spat the last name like it was a disgusting word and all but slammed the door in the annoyed Sasuke's face.

Kiba at this moment was busy explaining to his mother about the girl of his dreams.

"Hey mom…err we need to talk."

"Oh. About what?"

"Well you aint gonna like this but…I'm in love." Kiba said sheepishly scratching his head.

"With who?" Tsume asked.

"Hinata Hyuuga."

Tsume had always adored little Hinata. She had never thought of the girl as weak per se. Not like other people did, no to Tsume saw that she was simply an Omega and even they had important roles within the pack. She had to admit that it would have been nice to have her for a daughter-in-law, but had never gotten Kiba's hopes up because her father would never have allowed her to marry into a minor clan.

Now, it seemed that the opportunity had been dropped into Kiba's lap but with a high price. She knew that she and most of the Inuzuka clan would be willing to overlook her traitor status. But how would Kiba be able to go out on a mission and know that there was another man with Hinata that could not be gotten rid of? Her son was possessive and jealous of those he cared about and it wasn't always a good thing and she told him so.

Even though he listened intently, she could tell that his mind was already made up. All she asked was that he think about the problem with Hinata's ward first before rushing off to make any decisions.

Sasuke wasn't really worried about not being able to speak with Hiashi Hyuuga today, after all he had time and he needed to figure out what to do with Hidan. Though tying him up with chakra draining rope and tossing him in some sort of holding cell did have its merits when he and Hinata needed some alone time. Sasuke wasn't sure how close the two were, he was pretty sure that they weren't close at all. Hinata hadn't seemed to happy to be in the lunatic's company that was for sure.

_the next day…._

Hiashi Hyuuga drummed his fingers idly on the table as he pondered this strange turn of events. He had listened to two men asking for his eldest's hand in marriage in the last couple of hours. One Sasuke Uchiha, one Kiba Inuzuka. He could see where both were coming from, particularly the Uchiha's. He wanted his clan restored and seeing as how Hinata was in a similar predicament right around the time he'd gotten out of prison wanted to snap up the opportunity. The Inuzuka was her teammate and it wasn't uncommon for teammates to get much closer then they should. He twitched at the fact that the latter was from a minor clan and the former a traitor far worse then she was.

However, he did not need to consult the council about this since he was Hinata's father. He asked for her to be brought in, without _that man_.

When she and Hidan arrived, she asked him to wait quietly outside and walked in. sure she had done yet another thing wrong and ever fearful that Hisao Hyuuga would finally be getting his way.

"Hinata, sit down." He commanded.

She sat.

"Earlier this morning you had two requests for your hand in marriage. One from Sasuke Uchiha, one from Kiba Inuzuka."

Hinata gaped at him like a fish out of water. This was certainly unexpected and it was not something she could or would burden Kiba and his family with.

"Somebody w-w-w-w-w-w-" She stopped for a moment and shook her head in frustration.

"Somebody wants to m-m-marry me? But b-b-but why? Father this is j-j-just a cruel joke. No one would want me! I-I'm worthless!"

Hiashi flinched inwardly at her cruel words-_his cruel words._

"Regardless of what you may think. You are at least obligated to give them both a chance. Nothing is decided yet." He said sternly. _This could be your last chance. _Went unsaid.

"Of course." She said dejectedly and trudged out the door. Not even bothering to beckon to Hidan who followed her with a bewildered expression on his face.

"Hey Hinata? Why the long face? You look like-"

"Please don't talk to me right now Hidan. I-I don't f-feel like-talking right now." She said in a frosty voice and instead of heading out the door like they were supposed too, they ended up going into the room where Hinata walked into the bathroom door and promptly slammed it shut. Hidan blinked when he realized that she'd cut him off for a change. Dammit! He'd been forward to kicking Spandex Man's ass too!

After a few hours of listening to short bouts of silence interspersed with deep, shaky breaths. Hidan decided he'd had enough.

"What are you constipated in there or some shit?" He called, pounding on the door.

There was no answer.

"Well I don't care if you're on the crapper or not! I'm comin in!" With that he kicked the door hard enough to get it open, uncaring of the fact that it had also come off the hinge on top and stomped into the bathroom.

"Ok. What the fuck is going on?" He demanded.

Hinata sighed. She supposed she'd delayed long enough.

"I-I-I have two marriage pro-proposals and uh Hyu-Hyuuga custom dictates that I at least-date them to uh see if-we're compatible o-or not."

"Whaa-?" Hidan was clearly as stunned as Hinata had been. He didn't need some heathen fucker fucking up her fucking soul! Who knew what kinda havoc they'd wreak on it?! It was delicate dammit! But he knew one thing for sure. It was time to get into the role of cock blocker.

"Hina-chan." He said in a singsong voice. "Who is it?"

She shook her head and Hidan used that same beseeching tone that he occasionally had had to use on Kakuzu to gain his assistance.

"Won't you tell me Hina-chan? Pretty please?" He said, using the most charming grin in his arsenal.

Hinata giggled a little through her tears.

"Sasuke Uchiha and Kiba-kun."

All of Hidan's charm evaporated like light mist in the hot sun.

"What?! You mean you could be married off to-to Red Eye or The Mutt!" He howled in shock.

"Hidan must you call them that?"

"What?! I mean it's not as bad as it could be if His Fleas was proposing but seriously! What the fuck?!"

"I-it's not set in stone H-Hidan. I mean I have to like them and my-my f-f-father has to approve of them too so-"

Hidan held up his hand to stop her in her tracks.

"Hinata tell me something. How fucking old are you?"

"I-I'll be nineteen this January."

"Exactly, you're a fucking adult, you need to tell the old man to fuck off and decide for yourself who you wanna be with."

"But…b-but it-it's different when you live in a m-m-major clan Hidan."

She whispered.

"Fuck that! You go tell them who you wanna be with! You're eighteen not eight! You can make your own goddamn decisions."

She sighed and said a little more coldly than she intended. "Things just aren't that simple Hidan."

"Only because you won't let shit be that simple." He retorted.

"C'mon, let's go out! I've got a serious fucking case of cabin fever and we're wasting daylight!"

She got up and they locked eyes and for just a moment she felt like kissing him but she doubted he'd appreciate it so she turned around, grabbed her coat and they headed outside.


	23. Complications

**Complications**

_A continuation of Out For A Drink_

Kakuzu sighed irritably as he stared at the pink haired kunoichi. It had all started when they got drunk in a bar and had ended up in a bedroom. He saw Sakura sporadically still and despite the fact that she was hot-tempered and violent, she had been the first woman in over a decade that had approached him for something other then money or battle.

He tried to tell himself time and again that she was trying to seduce him, catch him off guard, but that lie became harder for him to swallow every time he saw those jade eyes light up at the sight of him in the morning after a night of heady passion and long conversations. Sakura Haruno was a shitty liar if he ever saw one so he knew that it was no act and slowly but surely she had wormed her way into his cold, unfeeling heart and become his kunoichi and seeing her had…brought a measure of peace into his life and being the selfish man he was hoarded it and treasured it and made him want, at times to kidnap her so he would not have to share her with another man. He could not understand why she had come to care for him, when he had little to offer her in return. But the one thing he had done was make sure that their relationship was kept hidden from the organization's prying eyes.

He had always heard that the bleeding heart ninja of the Leaf were fiercely loyal to their precious people, something he had scoffed at often enough, but he couldn't deny that it had made him feel strange when she had discreetly allowed him to escape when they met in battle. Her strange actions, so unlike how a ninja should be, confused and frustrated him.

Then, as if his confusing relationship with her wasn't complicated enough, Leader had finally decided after a decade that they needed a well-qualified Medic nin and had decided to set his sights on the Hokage's protégée' and he had been the one sent out to capture her.

"Kakuzu?" She asked, hesitant and soft, she was clearly confused as to why he was attacking her so viciously and without provocation.

He had watched the confusion in her eyes turn too understanding when she realized that he wasn't doing this to make it look good, watched the understanding turn to hurt and betrayal, something that didn't seem to sit well with the Falls nin, saw hurt and betrayal turn to anger and determination and then she stopped holding back and Kakuzu though he disliked having to do this had to admit that the little hellcat was absolutely magnificent.

Every blow was on par with his own, in some cases even more powerful. Kakuzu had never liked meek women. Her jade sparkled with anger and to Kakuzu she had become as one of the legendary Furies of myth as she went toe-to-toe with him.

He dodged a well aimed kick and found himself pinned to a tree, her tiny fist clamping his throat and Kakuzu would have laughed at the mental image if he hadn't found it increasingly difficult to draw breath.

"I never would have figured you for the type to use seduction tactics Kakuzu-san." She hissed acidly.

Kakuzu wanted to shake his head at her naiveté, surely she didn't think that women were the only ones who employed such tactics, though he never had and certainly not with her. Her hand softened just a fraction on his throat, eyes pleading for some sort of explanation and Kakuzu made his move. He pinched her hard and she crumpled at his feet.

Feeling more and more uncomfortable by a foreign sensation, riding low and hard in his gut. She had fought magnificently till the end, but even then had shown compassion for him. Foolish woman! Foolish Leaf nin! He growled angrily. If only she had killed or crippled him like she was supposed to, then neither of them would be in this situation.

He slung his unconscious lover over his shoulder and made up his mind, even though she would inevitably hate him the least he could do for her at this point was to make sure she survived.

"Oy! Kakuzu! Do you got the dumb bitch or what?" Came the irritating, nagging voice of his partner.

Kakuzu took to the trees as an answer, not wanting to stick around for the ANBU to show up.

Hidan made a face before taking off after him.


	24. One Crazy Day

**One Crazy Day**

_This was written for Mitsukai_

Temari grit her teeth as she executed a devastating blow to her opponent. The wind whipped the sand into a frenzy, blinding her opponent and she smiled maliciously.

"Take that Akatsuki scum!" She yelped.

"Katsu!" Came the cry of her opponent and the impact from the explosion cleared the air.

"I'm not gonna be as easy to kill as you think yeah." Deidara sneered as he leaped over her head and kicked her hard, sending her sprawling into the sand.

"Well neither am I you bastard!" Temari growled as she took off into the air.

Deidara followed close behind on his freaky clay creation.

"I'll teach you to defeat my little brother in battle." She turned on him and flung some kunai.

"I beat him fair and square yeah. Because I'm just that good."

"Yeah. Maybe in your dreams." She smiled coolly. "But you've yet to defeat the master."

"The Master?" Deidara scoffed. "The Master of what? Blowing hot air!"

"Why you-" Temari snarled as he came sneaking up behind her and said.

"Behold! My Masterpiece!"

BOOM

"Now whose the Master yeah?" He snickered as he shut Narutimate Excel 3 off.

"Hah! You only beat me after six rounds!" Temari shot back furiously.

He snorted derisively as they walked out into the cold air. The snow crunching beneath their sandals.

"Your hate wasn't strong enough." He said, pulling off a near flawless imitation of Itachi Uchiha.

"And your impressions need a lot of work."

"Whaa-?" He cried. Outraged. "They do not yeaaahhh-------

She snickered and gave him a push. Deidara's feet made contact with a small, frozen stream hidden under the thin layer of snow.

Temari cackled with laughter as his feet went up in the air and he landed with a loud oof on his back.

"That wasn't fair Temari yeah!" He snarled and shook his fist.

"Ninja don't play fair." She sneered as she walked away.

Her mistake.

Temari's eyes widened when she felt a stinging sensation on the back of her head, followed by freezing cold down the back of her shirt.

She let out an outraged shriek, grabbed a handful of snow and pelted him back, making sure that there were a few hard rocks in.

"Ouch! That hurt!" He growled.

The snowball fight soon turned into a Taijutsu fight which ended up in them getting into each other's faces to yell at each other in the snow. Temari and Deidara each had a hold of the other's thick winter cloaks and were shaking each

"What the hell is wrong with you you crazy bitch?!"

"You kidnapped my brother you asshole and you nearly blew us all up! What the hell do you think is wrong with me?" She said.

"That was years ago yeah! Get over it!"

The therapist blanched. Perhaps having them talk wasn't such a good idea after all, because no matter what happened, it always led to violence between the two.

Gaara and Kankuro shook their heads in bemusement as they watched their sister go all out for the fifth time that week with the mad bomber as for the therapist…well, he'd just never learn.


	25. A Risky Proposition

**A Risky Proposition**

_A continuation of Complications_

When Sakura woke up, she felt completely drained and sore and achy all over. Kakuzu was standing guard outside her cell, not even bothering to look at her. She winced in pain as she slowly rolled herself to a kneeling position. Her head and her jaw burned so badly that she felt nauseous.

Kakuzu had been a careful eye on her, it had been making him extremely uncomfortable to see her bound and battered that way on the floor…it looked…wrong somehow, to see her so powerless. He silently cursed Leader for unwittingly throwing this wrench into his relationship. He watched from the corner of his eye as she rolled herself to her knees, breathing deeply to keep from vomiting.

Well, he could have let her get away discreetly and there was a fifty percent chance that Leader would be none the wiser. Because for all the talk that Leaf ninja were soft, they were notoriously difficult to take down. She glared at him, her jade eyes burning softly in the semi-darkness, filled with anger at his betrayal.

For a moment, he expected her to start railing at him though he thoroughly deserved it, but it would be dangerous for both of them. His eyes sang her a warning to remain silent and Sakura's expression turned cold. She turned away from him as though he was beneath her notice. At least she was intelligent enough to keep her mouth shut about their former relationship.

Kakuzu wondered why he had allowed it to progress this far. I have little to offer you. You should have stuck to people within your reach Sakura. He thought, feeling angry at her all of a sudden. Then he got angry at himself as he had done nothing to stop it, realized that he had even encouraged it in a passive way.

"Kakuzu, it's time." Kisame called from the top of the stairs.

Kakuzu got up and hauled her to her feet, his green eyes glanced around for a moment then he bent down and whispered in her ear.

"For the sake of our sanity, just cooperate."

He sighed, supposing he should have used a more pleading tone to make his point, but it was not in his nature to plead.

She stared at him, thunderstruck for a moment before her expression turned into one of quiet defiance. Kakuzu grit his teeth before pushing her through the door and he settled outside to guard against a possible escape.

Sakura stared at the weird, flickering holograph of the gray eyed man standing there.

"Sakura Haruno you have been recruited into the Akatsuki."

"Why? Don't you usually take in missing nin?"

"Yes, but we are in need of your skills, both in battle and in healing. If you refuse you will forfeit your life."

"Then I'm afraid you'll just have to kill me. Because there's no way in hell that I could willingly kill my best friend." She thought venomously and was about to say so when a thought occurred to her. If Naruto were to get captured she would be in a prime position to save his life but this would mean that she had to play her cards very carefully and that she'd spend the rest of her days a missing nin, but it would be worth it if she could do it. Taking a deep mental breath she prayed that this little gamble of hers would pay off. After all, she couldn't save Naruto if she were dead.

"You want to kill my best friend. Why should I help you?" She spat angrily.

Pein tilted his head.

"Because there may be a way for you to save his life." He answered simply.

"If that's true then why didn't you bother saving the others?" She asked, green eyes boring into his suspiciously.

"Because a ninja with perfect chakra control is a very rare thing and judging by my careful calculation, it would take nothing less to save a jinchuuriki from dying with their demon. The cost would be risky for the caster of this jutsu but there is a 20 percent chance of both of you living and if you should want to test it, well we do have three more jinchuuriki to capture."

He could see he'd caught her attention now, though she still didn't trust him.

"What if I presented the scroll to you for your perusal before you make a decision Haruno-san?"

She thought hard about this and Pein patiently waited for her decision. It would be difficult for her to make since she and their target were very close.

Sakura swallowed hard. They wanted her to experiment on two faceless, nameless people whose lives would probably be as difficult as Naruto and the Kazekage's had? If there was a chance to save their lives, she supposed that there would be no harm in looking at the scroll. Finally she looked up at the holographic figure.

"That would be acceptable."

He nodded.

"I will have the scroll brought to you by tomorrow Haruno-san."

Sakura rubbed her palm over her eyes. It had been a long, trying day and she needed to regain her chakra to heal herself, Kakuzu opened the door and escorted her back to her prison cell, if it hadn't been so quiet, she might have missed his barely audible sigh of relief.


	26. Stumbling Block

**Stumbling Block**

_A continuation of A Risky Proposition_

"Kakuzu report. What has Haruno-san been doing since she has received the scroll?"

"Haruno-san has been…experimenting."

"Explain."

"The prisoner has been capturing rats, sedating them and sealing a part of her chakra into them before attempting to extract it. She's been unsuccessful so far."

Pein frowned for a moment. Sakura Haruno was irreplaceable as a medic and the jutsu was the only way to ensure her cooperation.

"I will give her one more week."

Kakuzu nodded, feeling a surge of relief all the while wondering when _she _of all people had become so important to him. This girl decades younger, beautiful and spirited and fiery and smart had become important and it bothered him.

He stared at her, not breaking her concentration as she tried desperately to separate her sealed chakra in the small rat.

"C'mon…c'mon dammit! Dammit!" She shrieked when she realized that it had died. The jutsu was more doable then she'd originally thought but only by a small amount of medic ninja. Tears began streaming down her face and she wiped them away with a grimy hand, trying unsuccessfully to choke back frustrated sobs.

"C'mon your crying over a stupid rat? What kinda weak-ass ninja are you?" Hidan taunted when he caught sight of the pink haired kunoichi.

"There's no way this could be the same chick that took out Sasori."

Sakura saw red and punched Hidan in the eye making the bars shake with the force of it.

"You--you--wait'll I get my hands on you!" She growled.

"Don't antagonize the prisoner Hidan or I'll shove you in there with her and let her do what she likes." Kakuzu warned.

"Whatever." He grumbled and walked off.

They sat in silence for a while, broken occasionally by her sniffs and deep shaky breaths.

"You really care that much? You'd really be willing to risk your life for the nine tails?" Kakuzu asked quietly.

She shot him a heated glare.

"He's more then just a jinchuuriki Kakuzu, he's my best friend and I did the same for you once."

They stared at each other for a while before Kakuzu finally asked. "Why?"

"Because that's you do when you care about someone."

"You still care about me?"

He sounded almost shocked.

"It may be easy for you to sever bonds, it's not as easy for me to just toss them away like they were trash." She huffed.

What could he say to that? That he couldn't go against orders to bring her in when she had disregarded her own orders to kill him on sight? He certainly couldn't apologize to her. So he did nothing and leaned back in his chair, the silent, ever present sentry.

Twelve turned out to be the lucky number for Sakura and slowly…slowly it began to get a little easier each time. She worked on sealing more and more chakra and allowing the rats to live with the seal for longer periods of time.

By rat number forty-two she had it down to a small scale science though she was still nervous. Rats living with her chakra was one thing? But what about jinchuuriki who had lived with demon chakra since the day they were born?

She had hesitantly accepted Pein's proposal and the Ame nin had to admit that he was impressed by her quick progress and her drive, but he knew where it came from. Her desire to protect the people you loved was a powerful motivator. Which was why he had chosen her. Kakuzu may have thought he was being sly by keeping his little affair quiet but Konan and Zetsu both confirmed it.

Konan had noticed that Kakuzu was becoming noticeably less volatile and had traced the source back to one Sakura Haruno. It had been a risky venture dallying with the Taki nin's private relationship but if things worked out according to her calculations not only would they have a valuable asset in their hands but Kakuzu would be more tolerable to live with from now on.

Of course if anyone especially Madara or Kakuzu ever found out there'd be hell to pay. Pein had been against it at first, especially since it meant going behind the old Uchiha's back but he finally conceded after Konan had laid all her bargaining points on the table and produced an experimental medic scroll stolen from Kiri as the prize to convince the kunoichi to join. Konan raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Your little gamble paid off Konan."

"I suspected that it would." She responded with a smile.

"I'm going to need you to go check on them in a few days angel."

"Of course." She said, leaning her head against his shoulder lightly.

Nagato was as close to her as a brother, closer perhaps in ways that neither could describe. She could only hope that it was not too late to salvage Sakura and Kakuzu's budding relationship.


	27. Snowed In

**Snowed In**

_In which Zabuza comes home and finds both his "partners" occupied._

It had been snowing for days, forcing Anko and Zabuza to keep to the little house they had in the woods. Zabuza had gone out to get firewood and had finished early. He was just walking into the house when he heard a low moan. He peeked around the door to find his sword propped up against the bed and Anko sliding herself up and down the handle.

If this had been anyone else he would have been furious but this was Anko and the former Leaf Jounin had always been a kinky girl. She threw her head back and let loose another moan and his keen eyes picked out the now slick handle and her moist pussy.

"Anko." He growled and his hand found his cock and he began stroking himself as he watched her getting off with his sword.

When he was halfway hard he undid his pants and walked over to her and she began teasing his dick with her soft, talented lips. He let out a gasp when her talented tongue snaked out and began circling and stroking him.

"Ohh Anko." He moaned as she wrapped it around him, forming hand seals her shadow snakes wrapped themselves around his waist and held him fast as she began sucking in earnest, deep throating him, her snakes controlling his rhythm, all while she was still thrusting back and forth on the sword handle.

"Ohh, uunn yeah."

"Anko…release the jutsu. I need to be inside you." He growled.

He slid her off the sword handle, eyes glittering in pleasure when he how wet she really was. He positioned her on her knees, hands against the wall and slid into her.

Ahh. Ohh Za-bu-za." Anko ground out, as he thrust harder and faster.

"Ohh right there. Nnng."

He pumped harder, she thrashed her head, making soft, breathy little pants and gasps with each powerful stroke.

He noticed that her perky little titties were bouncing up and down and his hands reached out to cup them, fingers squeezing and pinching. He was gonna come soon.

Anko shrieked loudly when he bit down on her neck as he came. There was something about it, something primal and powerful, the alpha male marking her, with that bite, saying you are mine, that drove her wild and she came the same time he did, closing her eyes in pure bliss as she leaned her forehead against the cool wall.

Zabuza breathed deeply into her sweaty neck. As his fingers made lazy circles on her breasts, he slanted hiss eyes towards his sword. Oh yes, he would definitely have to leave it here next time he went out for firewood. He thought.


	28. Value

**Value**

_A continuation of Stumbling Block_

Sakura was so happy at the prospect of taking a shower and getting into fresh, clean, clothes that she beamed all the way to the small bathroom.

"Don't take too long in there, I don't want the water bill going up." Kakuzu grumbled, wrinkling his nose slightly at the smell and smirking at her enthusiasm.

"Screw you Kakuzu! I'm gonna take a good long shower and if you dare try to make me get out before I'M DONE I'll punch you into next week!"

With that said, the door slammed shut, the water hissed and there was a deep sigh of relief as Sakura rubbed the scentless shampoo into her dirty pink hair until it gleamed, than she scrubbed her grimy skin until she was almost raw, than she let the hot water soothe her cramped, kinked muscles.

She came out when the water got cold, snickering evilly at her petty revenge as she imagined some unsuspecting Akatsuki member getting blasted with icy water. She toweled herself dry and stepped into those clean fresh clothes which had never felt so heavenly in all her life. And toothpaste and deodorant! Delicious! When she got out, she began brushing her wet hair and began the process of scrubbing the cloth of her headband clean.

As she walked back to her cell, she heard another shower being turned on, along with a yelp of surprise.

"Hey! Who used up all the hot water?!"

Sakura grinned at Kakuzu's raised eyebrows.

It was the first real smile that was directed towards him since he'd kidnapped her.

"Hey! You clean up pretty nice! Anyone ever tell you that?" Hidan asked as he came down to look at their new medic.

Sakura's good mood instantly vanished. Hidan was like the ultimate culmination of Naruto and Sai's worst habits, he was loud, tactless and just didn't care and worst of all, and this was all Hidan himself, he was a homicidal psychopath. Sakura silently agreed with Kakuzu when he had told her that his partner would get on her nerves in a matter of seconds.

"Did anyone ever tell you, you got a nice set of tits?" Hidan reached over to inspect them with his hands.

Kakuzu wanted nothing more at that point than to beat his partner into an incoherent heap for touching _his kunoichi. _But Sakura beat him too it.

"Hidan!" Inner Sakura rose with a vengeance.

"Keep your hands to yourself! Shannaro!" Sakura hit Hidan hard enough to not only send the Yuu nin flying, but the force of his impact actually shook the building and left a small indent on the wall.

Konan, who had heard every word of the exchange just as she was arriving, blinked at the astonishing display of strength, vowing to have Kisame drain her a bit before she left. Otherwise she would make the whole building collapse and probably be the last one standing.

Kisame smirked. The priest certainly deserved it, but they couldn't let the Konoha kunoichi have that kind of power at her fingertips yet until Leader gave the word that they could trust her.

"Damn! I think I'm in love." Hidan said, batting his silver eyelashes prettily at Sakura, who at that point was so angry she couldn't even speak. She stood there for a moment sputtering incoherently in fury, before turning away as though he were beneath her notice.

Konan had brought with her, clothes and other amenities their new medic needed, furthermore she was going to be taking temporary control of the Akatsuki Base until Sakura Haruno had settled in and truly accepted that she wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon.

It did not take long for an injured Akatsuki member to prove the Leaf nin's value. Deidara had been brought in by Tobi, he was such a bloodied mess that Konan wondered if even the famous Haruno would be able to handle it.

Sakura instantly went into medic mode and helped bring the blonde bomber to the medic bay which was shockingly well supplied. They waited hours as Sakura worked on him, forgetting that Konan was guarding her in the room while Kakuzu guarded the outside.

The blue-haired Ame ninja had not missed the commanding red stare of the Sharingan from Madara as he left the area. Explanations would have to be made and they had better be good ones. While the eldest Uchiha did run the show from behind the curtains, Pein was usually left to his own devices when it came to recruitment since the man had excellent judgment and normally a new member inducted would have no consequences. Given the fact that this was the apprentice of the Slug Princess and still a loyal ninja of the Leaf to boot would cause unforeseen complications for her and Pein both, though Konan was hardly rattled by his dangerous gaze.

Finally Sakura announced that Deidara was going to live though he wasn't out of the woods and he would need extensive care and rest.

Konan could _feel _Madara's surprise at their new medic's seemingly impossible task of bringing Deidara back from the brink of death, before the persona of Tobi took over, much to the exhausted Sakura's surprise.


	29. Salvage

**Salvage**

_A continuation of Value_

"I normally don't interfere when it comes to the people you recruit Pein but I must seriously question your judgment of this particular shinobi. Regardless of how competent she is, was it really necessary to go and capture a still loyal ninja? She's not a Bijuu. We were not assigned to assassinate or interrogate her."

Pein sighed.

"You know as well as I do, that medic nin defecting are a rarity. We were getting desperate at all the members we've been losing lately and I felt it was necessary to have Haruno-san retrieved."

"All of you are expendable." He pointed out.

Pein shrugged. "All shinobi are expendable, but I see no reason to risk losing some of the most unique and powerful shinobi in the world Madara-sama."

Madara gave him an indecipherable look.

Pein tried another bargaining tactic.

"She is also the Nine Tails teammate and could provide useful information if given the proper incentive.

"The Nine Tails teammate? How interesting."

"She has already agreed to do our bidding."

"Has she now? And what bargain have you made to ensure this kunoichi's loyalty?"

"A medical scroll Konan obtained that may prevent the host's death."

"I see. By making her think she has a chance to save her teammate you are able to keep her here. Very well Pein, I'll trust your judgment this time. But do us both a favor and do not run around kidnapping any more loyal shinobi, unless they are on our hit list. "

Madara got up.

"I have business in Konoha and will not return for the next few weeks, make sure you keep the medic under strict control. I don't trust her."

"Yes Madara-sama." Pein replied.

"Kakuzu, you have orders from Leader-sama. Haruno-san may move into her room, but you are to guard her night and day until he says otherwise."

Kakuzu nearly groaned at the idea of spending what could be weeks in the same room with the irate Leaf nin. This whole deal was steadily getting worse. While it was true that all new members had to be guarded day and night by older members whose loyalty was assured, Kakuzu was pretty certain that none of them were romantically involved with the ninja in question.

Sakura was not going to take this well.

Sakura was rendered momentarily speechless when Kakuzu told her what was going to occur. Weeks spent in the same room as Kakuzu? It was true that even though she was still angry and distrustful of him, she had missed being with him in all the wonderful ways that mattered. Being the social and vivacious type, it had been very difficult and very lonely for Sakura to see him there day and night and not be able to kiss him, or hold him…or beat him to a bloody pulp whenever she remembered that _he _was largely responsible for the mess she was in.

Still, she wasn't going to make too much of a fuss since it meant that she would be getting out of this damn cell.

Seeing that she had finished mulling it over and had made the decision to cooperate, Kakuzu opened the door and flanked her closely as he led her towards her new room.

The room had been prepared with plain, but comfortable sheets on a modest little bed. It contained a small bathroom with a shower and sink. There was a desk and some shelves and a small closet.

It was tiny, it was Spartan but Sakura just couldn't bring herself to care because it was all hers.

Sakura was surprised to find a plain black cloak without the signature clouds.

"There are other people who work for Akatsuki, but are not a part of the main core." Kakuzu explained to her.

"Ah." She said as she sat on the edge of her bed.

After a long silence, Kakuzu settled himself on the wooden chair and prepared for an uncomfortable night with only his thoughts for company, ignoring the jade green eyes that gazed at him so intensely..

Kakuzu could not believe how monumentally he had fucked up. Being a selfish man, he had always allowed himself to have whatever he wanted without allowing anything to get in his way and that was the way he should have kept things. The hot tempered girl had been a good thing for him and all he had to do was work out a way to lose, while keeping his dignity. Normally, he would have written off this relationship as ruined beyond redemption, but her words had been haunting him ever since they'd left her lips.

She still cared about him and he cursed inwardly. Damn Leaf ninja and their unheard of ideals!

"Kakuzu?" Her soft, plaintive whisper roused him from his musings.

"Hmm."

"Why? Why did you do it? Why did you bring me here?"

"What could he say to her? What had he been thinking?"

Kakuzu studied her for a moment before answering and what he said surprised him because it was the truth.

"I guess I was being selfish. I wanted you all to myself."

Sakura had no reason to berate him, she knew he was a selfish man, not that that would stop her from doing so.

Sakura opened her mouth to do exactly that when he shook his head and murmured.

"Not here."

She shut it again. The rest of Akatsuki did not need to hear about their lover's spat. If it could be called that.

She sighed and eventually fell into an uneasy sleep.

Kakuzu was often woken by her fitful mutterings, but when she groaned his name he couldn't resist himself and leaned over to place a tender kiss on her lovely pinks.

She clutched him closely in her sleep and even though Kakuzu knew he'd catch hell for it in the morning he lay down and curled up closely to her, reveling in her small, sweet body next to his as he kissed her again and she deepened the kiss.

"Sakura." He moaned breathily.

Sakura woke up, snuggled against his chest and opened her eyes. She should still be mad at him, but his little declaration had made most of her anger melt away and really it felt so good to be next to him that she just couldn't let go and Sakura feared that that would end up destroying all of her relationships completely, she had realized a long time ago that she had fallen in love with this man and she was not one to let go of those she loved so easily, and she wasn't sure if he felt the same way or not, but now was not the time to ask the hard questions, for now she would just have to see if they could salvage their relationship.


	30. I Made It Pretty For You

**I Made It Pretty For You**

_In which Tsuru makes art_

Gaara was having one of those days. His Kazekage robes had just come in from the dry cleaner and he would be having a meeting with all of the other Kage in twenty minutes. To make matters worse, he couldn't find his hat. He looked under the tables, the chairs, he'd made Kankuro search the building with the help of his puppets and Yugure had been sent to go check the dry cleaner's.

Kankuro returned swiftly.

"Did you find it?" Gaara asked.

"Nope. Searched everywhere but I couldn't find it. I wonder where the hell it went?"

And so they searched again, Gaara glanced at the clock and frowned, they'd be here in ten minutes.

Yugure returned a couple minutes later looking frustrated.

"It wasn't at the dry cleaners."

"Well where is it?"

Just then, Gaara's four year old daughter waddled in with a hat in her tiny hands and not just any hat, but the very hat they were all looking for.

Gaara, Yugure and Kankuro stared.

A red hand print was on the front of the hat, there was a rainbow arcing over the top and slashes and splatters of green, yellow and blue paint covered the back and sides while blue wiggling lines ran underneath the kanji for wind.

Gaara was speechless, Kankuro struggled not to laugh, Yugure knelt down on one knee.

"Sweetheart, did you paint dad's hat?" She asked in a carefully neutral tone of voice.

"Yeah I sure did! I worked real hard on it too!"

"Why?"

"Cause daddy said he had a portant' meeting today with the other Kages and I wanted him to have the coolest hat ever! So I made it pretty for you."

Tsuru handed him the hat with a wide grin and Gaara swallowed.

Yugure cleared her throat, trying not to smile.

Gaara groaned mentally, he had to go now and there was no way to get the paint scrubbed off in time.

"That was very thoughtful of you Tsuru-chan and it is very pretty." Gaara said through grit teeth.

"But next time please keep your paints on the paper like I asked you too." Said Yugure.

"Ok." Tsuru said, looking a little hurt.

Gaara had no choice but to put on the hat and walk into the meeting.

Tsunade raised her eyebrow at the colorful hat, eyes lingering on the brightly colored rainbow and hid an amused smirk behind her hand.

The Tsuchikage scowled, thinking he was being mocked. The new Mizukage and the Raikage shared knowing looks with each other.

"Lord Kazekage what is the meaning of this?"

Gaara sent a dark look at the Tsuchikage and said in that quiet intimidating voice.

"My daughter wanted to make the hat look pretty for me."


	31. Looking After Chokichi

**Looking After Chokichi**

_This is a small AU within the Mercy For the Merciless series that _

_Fifilafemme and I cooked up and had us both howling with laughter._

_In it Hidan and Hinata have a son and Hiashi ends up watching him. _

_It won't be part of the official plot, it's just for fun._

Hinata came in, biting her lip and holding little Chokichi in her arms. Hiashi looked up at his eldest daughter and his first grandchild. His daughter had somehow fallen in love with the vile priest and had not only ended up marrying _that man_. But had also ended up giving birth to a baby boy with opaque lavender eyes and silky, silver hair whose smile was as sweet and sunny as Hinata's had ever been.

"Yes." He prompted.

"F-father, Hidan and I h-have b-b-been s-sent on a m-mission today and I w-was wondering if you could umm…w-wa-watch little Chokichi?"

Hiashi frowned, it had been a while since he had had to take care of a baby and he knew that she was also asking him to guard the baby against Hisao Hyuuga.

"Of course Hinata."

"Thank you father." She said gratefully and handed him a list of the child's schedule.

"W-we should be back by sunrise."

"Hinata! Let's get a move on! That heathen shit isn't gonna wait for us forever!"

Hinata bowed and left the room, hot on her husband's heels.

After they left, Hiashi took the boy with him to run several errands as he didn't quite trust anyone in the house to look after the quiet baby.

After sending off bills he headed towards the Hokage Tower to attend the meeting with her, as his grandson was quiet and (in Hiashi's opinion) extremely well behaved, he didn't have to worry about him disrupting the meeting.

He sighed as several kunoichi cooed at his silver haired grandson. He knew Hinata had been trying to get him to say words but to no avail, so he would mouth simple words for the baby, speaking slowly and emphasizing them. "Hyuuga-sama, the Hokage will see you now."

As he walked in to discuss the benefits of allying with Hidden Cloud the baby began to say something.

"Quiet!" Tsunade barked. "I think the kid's trying to speak!"

Everyone leaned in to hear the boy's first word.

"He-hee." Chokichi's little face was scrunched up in concentration.

Was he trying to say Hiashi? He wondered, feeling absurdly pleased. That would be one in Hidan's eye!

"Come on." He prompted. "Hiashi."

"Hee-"

"Hi-a-shi." He said, opening his mouth wider for the baby's benefit and completely unaware of how he looked to the council right now.

Hee-ten-shit!" Hiashi felt like all the air had been sucked out of him.

The rest of the council could only stare in ill-concealed amusement as Hiashi Hyuuga's face turned as red as his daughter's.

Tsunade couldn't help herself, oh she tried to hold it in, she really did but she couldn't help the small snicker that escaped from her mouth before she burst into laughter.

Hiashi Hyuuga didn't think it was so funny and when Hidan got home there would be hell to pay.


	32. Harboring Suscpicions

**Harboring Suspicions**

_A continuation of Salvage_

Konan was keeping guard and watched in astonishment as Sakura, still half asleep got up in a daze as though she were running on autopilot, not to escape, but to check on her patient, Deidara's erratic breathing and moans of pain would quiet and then Sakura would stumble back to bed, not even seeming to realize that she had the perfect opportunity to try and escape. And where was Kakuzu? He was certainly going to get an earful for not keeping an eye on his charge.

Madara appeared from the shadows and the two watched in silence for a moment as the medic nin worked.

"Leaf ninja have always been too soft-hearted for their own good." He murmured, his face twisting into an expression as though he had just found something disgusting on the bottom of his shoe.

"As long as that soft-hearted attitude continues to work in our favor, I will allow it, but I don't care what promise Pein made to her, I don't want her anywhere near the Kyuubi. We're too close too our goals." He paused for a moment.

"I don't trust her, have her killed before the last extraction."

Konan nodded to him and quietly cursed herself. For all her careful planning, she had not bothered to take Madara's sudden suspicions into account. Perhaps she should have left well enough alone, because with Sakura dead, Kakuzu could possibly turn against them and even Konan as powerful a ninja as she was, did not like the idea of incurring his wrath.

Kakuzu and Sakura woke up at around the same time and he felt his heart lurch a little at the soft, affectionate look on her face as she nuzzled into his chest.

"Morning." She murmured.

"Morning." He rumbled as she pulled her closer, reveling in the warmth and comfort of her body next to his.

"I need to go check up on Deidara, so hurry up and get dressed."

Kakuzu was usually always the one who got up early and was ready to go in the mornings, it was only with Sakura that he felt the desire to stay in bed longer. But he got up and brushed off his clothes, following her into the other room.

"Kakuzu, we need to have a word when Sakura is finished with her duties, Kisame will be watching her until we've finished talking." Konan said sternly.

Kakuzu felt a stab of jealousy but said nothing.

Deidara opened his eyes and stared groggily at a pink haired beauty that looked vaguely familiar, she was running her hands across his bare skin and he felt soothing, probing chakra running through his system. Oh yes, he could get used to this kind of treatment. Deidara grinned at her, much to Kakuzu's irritation.

Sakura, long used to her male patients leering at her, ignored it with an inward smile, especially when she noticed how agitated Kakuzu was getting. She swore that the longer she worked on Deidara, that smoke would start pouring from his ears.

"Have I died and gone to heaven yeah?"

Sakura grinned. "Not today."

"Oh that's too bad. I thought you might be an angel."

_No. But you might end up as one if you keep it up. _Thought Kakuzu.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere." Sakura said.

"Liar! You enjoyed it. You're blushing!"

"I am not."

"Oh yes you are. Flattery will get me lots of places."

"Maybe if you were actually any good at it."

"At least I'm not a terrible liar!

"I am not a terrible liar! You wanna hear bad lies? You should hear my sensei tell em! I swear he's got a list of excuses written out! You should have heard the one he told last time. Sorry I'm late guys but I was helping to put out the fire on Yamabuki Street."

"How do you know he wasn't lying un?" Deidara asked.

"Because I happen to live on that street." She snorted.

Konan smiled a little as she watched them interact. Who knew the famous and dangerous Copy Nin went out of his way to make lousy excuses for being late?

"So when can I get out of bed?" Deidara asked.

"I'd say about a week." Sakura replied as she finished up for the time being.

"A week?!" Deidara squawked.

"Yeah! I mean it looks like you got caught in an explosion or something! What do you expect?"

Deidara scowled as she walked out.

"Sakura, stay with Kisame."

Kakuzu grumbled as he went to speak with Konan in the office.

Konan motioned for him to sit.

"Did you realize that Sakura was up and about several times this morning to heal Deidara without you?" She asked.

"What?" He asked.

"That's what I'd like to know." She said with a hint of irritation marring her cool voice.

"If you cannot keep track of her then I will have to have someone else do it."

_Like hell you will. _He thought.

"It won't happen again Konan-san." He said in an even measured tone.

"See that it doesn't."

_You had better see too it, because Madara will have my head if you don't. _She thought irritably.

"That will be all Kakuzu."

He nodded and walked out of the room briskly, giving no hint of what he was thinking.

That morning was comprised of Sakura giving the Akatsuki members at base physical exams, updating them on vaccinations, and taking notes on their health. Konan was, despite the unexpected complication, rather pleased that she was continuing to prove her worth. She had found that despite Sakura's fiery temper and bossy attitude, she had an affable and caring nature; she was also highly intelligent and could hold her own in debates.

Besides, it had been a long time since she'd had any decent female company. She had not liked several of the other former Akatsuki females. Two had been killed by Kakuzu, a third had died during a fight with a jinchuuriki, one had been killed on a mission to Stone and the last one had been a spy that Konan had killed. Mariko had been a good friend and it was after that incident that had the Ame kunoichi withdraw almost completely from the rest of the organization.

Konan had no intention of killing her just yet, but she would if the girl tried to go back on her word. She would have to make sure that Sakura didn't have ulterior motives for agreeing to join them. She would have to be watched very carefully.


	33. Fatherly Moment

**Fatherly Moment**

_Ibiki has a fatherly moment with Takiko and Ayumu ._

_Takiko and Ayumu are property of AyanaPL. _

_Thanks AyanaPL for letting me write about them and_

_I hope they were in character._

Ibiki walked down to the academy with an irritated look on his face as he marched down to pick up the children. He had been called down to the Academy because the two had made a combined attack on a classmate. Iruka sensei had managed to get Ayumu off first, when he'd attempted to do the same with Takiko…she'd kicked and clawed and swore loud enough to turn the air blue.

Both children were sitting there in their seats, covered with scratches, bruises and band-aids. Ayumu had the grace to look ashamed when Ibiki came in. Takiko was scowling and looking anywhere but at him. The other boy looked the worst off, bloodied nose, two black eyes, a large set of teeth marks on his cheek and bruises and scratches all over.

As for Iruka-sensei…well…he had a few claw marks on his face and arms and was holding an ice pack in a rather…_tender _area. Which would explain why he had sounded so odd over the phone.

For just a split second, Ibiki let a smile flicker on his face, proud that his kids could fight so well and manage to land a hit on their teacher at such a young age, but quickly schooled his expression into a stern, angry look. Both children flinched a little as they followed him out of the school.

"If you don't mind Ibiki-san, could we discuss this a little later?" Iruka asked as he shuffled awkwardly towards the door.

Ibiki nodded giving him a sympathetic glance, that must have been quite a kick. As they walked home, Ibiki continued to eye them both sternly, letting the silence build into something unbearable for the children. There were definitely benefits to being a parent and an interrogation specialist with extensive knowledge of how the human brain worked. Finally the dam of silence burst. Right on target.

"It was all stupid Yori's fault!" Ayumu wailed.

"He deserved it." Takiko affirmed.

"What happened?"

"Well, stupid Yori said that mommy was a traitor which means we were a family of traitors so I kicked his aaa-butt! Yeah I kicked his butt!"

She amended upon seeing her father's warning glare.

"And you always said to defend my sister and I couldn't let her get beat up by Yori!" Ayumu continued.

"I was doing just fine! No need to defend me stupid!" Snapped an indignant Takiko.

Oh boy. It was a good thing his wife was out on a mission, because she would have only made the situation much, much worse.

"Takiko-chan, how many times have I told you not to call your brother stupid? He was helping to defend you."

"Sorry Ayumu-kun." She muttered.

"Look, words are just words and they can only have as much power over you as you let them. Nothing more." He explained patiently.

"Then how come you just told me not to call Ayumu stupid?" Questioned Takiko hotly.

Damn. He needed to change tactics and fast, the children had always been unusually bright for their age.

"Another benefit," He went on patiently as though Takiko hadn't said anything. "To not responding to what others say, is that you'll tick them off, because your being the bigger person."

The children's eyes gleamed as they mulled over this new information.

"And children, we don't attack Iruka-sensei like that, it's very disrespectful and you both are going to make an apology to him next Monday."

They grinned sheepishly, but Ibiki couldn't help but perceive that he caught a faint glimpse of a very Tayuya-like look in their eyes.


	34. Sunrise

**Sunrise**

**This was written for Fifilafemme and is a sequel to Looking After Chokichi**

Hinata's face was aflame as she stared at her father, her mouth worked soundlessly as he explained the humiliating events of yesterday.

"O-oh n-n-no! He _said that? _I'll n-n-never be able to-to-to show my f-f-f-face in there a-g-g-gain."

Hiashi scowled. Who did Hinata think she was fooling? _He _was the one who would never be able to show his face in there again!

"Well what should we do?" She murmured, chewing on her nails in distress. A habit which Hiashi despised.

"We can't punish him for his f-f-first word. He m-m-m-might not want to speak again. I mean he didn't understand what he w-was saying." She whimpered.

She did have a fair point.

"Hey Hinata babe!"

Hiashi glowered as _that man _walked in the room.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asked. "Did somebody die or some shit?"

Ohh. If only you could. Hiashi thought, as his hands gripped the table.

"Hidan! Do you have any i-d-d-dea what our s-s-I mean must you-do you r-really need to-Oh I would have j-just died right there-"

"Hinata you really need to calm the fuck down and breathe a little- "

"Don't you dare." Hiashi growled.

"Whaa-?"

"Don't you dare speak such filth in front of my grandson again dammit!"

"Dammit?" Chokichi mimicked, looking up at his grandfather for approval of speaking.

Hiashi's eyelid ticked.

Hidan laughed.

"Now what did you just get done telling me Papa Hyuuga?"

Hinata could feel the tension in the room turning murderous.

Oh no. Hidan always had a way of bringing out the worst in her father.

Upset at all the negative emotion in the air, Chokichi began to whimper and Hinata picked him up and made for a dash for their apartment as yelling, cursing, crashing and the distinctive sounds of her husband's scythe and an outraged cry of " My scythe is sacred damn you!" Filled the air.


	35. Leap Frog

**Leap Frog**

**This was written for Ataokoloinona**

**Who requested a one shot about Killerbee, Temari and a game of Leap Frog.**

**This really strained mah brain girl, I hope you like it.**

**Just for the record Ata, I have no idea what he's really like other than he's cocky and thinks he's a rapper and he looks like Hulk Hogan**

Even though Killerbee managed to get away from the Akatsuki, something had gone funny with his seal and he'd ended up getting captured in Hidden Stone.

Cloud unsurprisingly wanted their jinchuuriki back, but was unable to retrieve him from their enemy while a small war with Sound was escalating on their doorstep. So the Raikage finally appealed to Sand to rescue him.

Temari who had had experience with crazed jinchuuriki had been chosen for the mission, which if successful could gain them an alliance with Hidden Cloud. She was smart, tough and a decent actress, it had taken her several days to get to Hidden Stone, discover that Killerbee was being held in a holding cell in a shinobi mental ward, with his cell plastered in seals to keep him from going ape shit.

She learned that he terrorized male medics and only responded to female medics. Small surprise there. She'd thought sarcastically. The female medics couldn't stand him and eventually fled. She studied Reiko Masaka, the one nurse who could stand to take care of him for long periods of time, namely because she used to be the Five Tails teammate.

Reiko Masaka was a tough, smart and no-nonsense brunette with eyes as green as a dark forest. She was about Temari's height and she was a pretty good kunoichi. But Temari was better, after over a month of studying her, she bought contacts and hair dye, grew out her hair till it reached the small of her back, caught her and killed her after a brief struggle, than she destroyed the body.

Each and every day, Temari went to work and it was unbearable. It wasn't the fact that she was playing the part of an enemy med nin that was stressful, nor was it the fact that her client was locked up in super tight security. No, what was so stressful was the target himself.

True, he seemed normal in comparison to her brother when he'd been possessed by the One Tail, but that was until she realized that she had to acquiesce to his every whim, so long as it wasn't sexual.

Most days he was locked in his cell, so nobody had gotten to witness the time that Temari had had a tea party with him pretty pink, frilly dress, lace-trimmed parasol and all. Or the time that she had had to sing vocal back up to his self composed rap songs, a style of music from the west that he seemed to delight in in a blue sequined dress. But there were days when Killerbee's behavior was excellent and he was allowed out with all the other inmates on good behavior.

It was at those times when Temari wanted to say screw the mission and stab him in the eye with a pointy object until he bled to death. Unfortunately, she was a professional and so she grit her teeth and tried to tune out all the snickers behind her back as he publicly humiliated his favorite nurse.

It was on one such day that Killerbee decided that he wanted to play a game with his favorite nurse.

"Hey baby cakes, why the long face? Why don't we go skinny dipping in the lake?"

There wasn't a lake for miles, just the dwindling rivers and the reservoir.

"I know Nursey-chan, let's play a game, I could use a laugh, and you could use the same."

The head medic nin eyed her, silently reminding Temari that she had to keep him happy. She rolled her artificial green eyes and turned around. The other inmates craned their heads, eager for their entertainment. Bastards.

"Today we gonna play Leap Frog!" He said, eyeing her appreciatively.

Temari wished she could invent a time machine, so she could go back and slaughter whoever thought up this ridiculous outfit.

Looking like she was about to deck him, the head medic frantically waved his hands in the negative behind Lord Killerbee's back.

She shot him a look that said she might deck him later instead and squatted down, gritting her teeth as wolf whistles and loud hooting filled the air.

Killerbee grinned when he saw her firm little backside facing him, he was tempted to smack it playfully, if it weren't for the aura of overpowering malice emanating from her. He was also not the insane fool, he'd been acting.

A spy from Cloud had managed to alert him to his impending rescue and a game of Leap Frog would be the signal for a full-out attack.

Now Temari knew that the date for his rescue was getting close, she had been told to wait for back-up before she grabbed the Jinchuuriki and ran like hell with him while one Sand nin and two Cloud nin made a distraction. But as he leaped over her, his hands gliding a little more sensually down her back than she'd like, she almost got up and left him to rot.

Now it was her turn, she put her hands over his back, with a little more nail than she should have out of spite and leapt over his and inch by humiliating inch, they made a circuit around the small outdoor area. When the circuit was complete, all hell broke loose the Sand nin and the Cloud nin rushed the area and Temari unleashed her scroll, ran a bloodied finger down it and snapped her fan in triumph! Oh! How she'd missed its comforting weight on her back. Than with a gust of wind she grabbed the Cloud nin, jumped on it and rode it out of there with fury on her face.

"You know, I heard you were blonde and you're really fine. Come back with me and we'll have a good time."

Oh she'd have a good time alright, because as soon as she landed she was going to smack him upside the head with her fan and wipe the cocky smile right off his face. Future alliance with Cloud be damned!


	36. Shouldn't Have to Pretend

**Shouldn't Have to Pretend**

**This little short was written for the Ita/Dei FC and all it's fantabulous members**

Deidara sneered at the black haired man sitting a couple of desks across from him. Itachi Uchiha, little Mr. Perfect. He got perfect grades, he had perfect looks, he was a perfect athlete, he had perfect manners, he had perfect skin, perfect posture, perfect hair…well almost perfect hair.

Deidara was convinced that nobody's hair was as perfect as his. Itachi was the guy all the girls were in love and all the guys wanted to be, which just made them a bunch of mindless sheep in the blonde's opinion.

Deidara was an artist, his beautiful designs floored his art teachers, his refusal to stick with convention frustrated them, the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous brought a lot of girls to his apartment. The fact that he was a trouble-maker with free spirited hippy parents…didn't make the bad boy popular with the school staff.

He was quite the opposite of Mr. Perfect. His grades in everything but art and history, (the two went hand-in-hand) were piss poor, the fact that he came to school at whatever hour he pleased made his teachers grind their teeth and though no one could pin the blame on him, the evil witch who taught math class swore up and down that he had been the one that set off the small bomb in her desk.

And yet, Deidara had been Itachi's first kiss, he had been his first and only lover, a secret to be kept hidden away from the condescending eyes of his family. Not because of Deidara himself, but because the Uchiha family believed that homosexuality was a disease, a shameful disgusting act. If they ever found out, he would be disinherited and his college funds would be yanked out from under his feet.

Deidara knew all of Itachi's dark secrets. He knew where to kiss or bite to have the normally stoic man arch into his body and moan deliciously dirty things into his ear, becoming a living work of art underneath him.

He knew all these things and yet he hated him still, well perhaps he didn't hate Itachi per say, but he hated that they both had to pretend to ignore each other, hated that they had to keep on pretending that they weren't involved in a wild, kinky love affair, hated that Itachi didn't feel comfortable enough to come over to his house during their high school years, as his parents wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

Sometimes he wanted to out Itachi to his perfect little family just to see the look on their face. But Mr. Perfect wouldn't forgive him and so Deidara kept his secrets. Besides, Itachi had promised him that once he had finished college, that neither of them had to keep his secret anymore and Itachi always kept his promises, so Deidara supposed he could wait the rest of the year out.


	37. The Pinky and the Peins

**The Pinky and the Peins**

**Author's Note**

**Warning! This is the most shameless crack I have ever written. **

**Very OOC Peins**

* * *

Sakura had been out training with Konan to bring her up to par. She had been captured by the Akatsuki for her medical prowess and had been with them for several months.

Kick, kick, punch, vanish.

Even though she hated it, she found friends among them against her will, Konan and Leader, Kisame and Deidara and Tobi. Itachi she despised, Zetsu she seldom saw, Kakuzu intimidated her and Hidan drove her up the wall as often as she drove him into it.

As the teammate of Naruto, she would never be taught the sealing jutsu. Akatsuki had more than enough members to fill that role and she was still too new to be going out on missions. So she trained, she trained like she hadn't trained since becoming the Hokage's apprentice.

Sakura used a Substitution Jutsu, but Konan, who was particularly clever somehow managed to stop it.

She swore silently as the blue haired woman eyed her with that same cold dispassion that sent chills up her spine. Konan may have seemed gentle, but she was not a kunoichi to be trifled with. Sakura had learned that lesson the hard way.

The earth began shaking violently and Konan swore as she saw the ground and the foundations of the Akatsuki base began crumbling away. Sakura had probably planned this from the beginning, an advantageous move since more than half of the organization was in there and two were recuperating from extensive injuries.

Her eyes widened with shock as the building collapsed amidst shocked yells and screams and Konan found herself being plunged into a gaping hole in the earth while rocks came swooping down to crush her body.

"Sakura-san, I'd like to see you in my office please."

Konan was instantly snapped out of the genjutsu by a surge of Nagato's chakra. She blinked dazedly, the sun was shining, birds were singing and the building and everyone in it was perfectly fine. Most people, herself included, forgot that Sakura was a genjutsu master in her own right, or soon would be if she kept it up, they were so used to seeing her medical prowess and her insane strength that many of them didn't see it coming. Itachi himself had once made a remark about her particular abilities after she'd caught Kisame and Deidara both in a fine-tuned illusion and it took a lot to impress the ailing Uchiha.

Sakura walked behind Pein as they headed towards their office. Was she in trouble? Had they decided that it was too risky to keep her around? Had decided to get rid of her after all?Panic set in, but Sakura barely managed to keep it from showing, though she was so tense that her whole body hurt.

Leader, all six of them stood in the room each one consulting maps, or speaking in hushed tones.

"I think it's time you understood just what Akatsuki is trying to accomplish." He said, folding his hands and staring at her with those unnervingly beautiful eyes of his.

_Snap out of it! She told herself. Ugh! What is it with me and doujutsu users? They're all psychopaths!"_

Mentally shaking herself out of her stupor, she mimicked his pose and paid careful attention as he began talking. At least she managed to pay attention for the first few minutes.

It was hard not to do a double take when she thought she saw one of his incarnations blowing the other a kiss out of the corner of her eye. That couldn't be right anyways. She told herself. _I mean look at this guy! He doesn't look like he even knows what a sense of humor even is. It's probably some secret signal that almost looked like he was blowing a kiss cause I wasn't paying attention or something._

The heavy Pein and the Pein with the spiked hat began talking as they were bent over a map, at first it sounded like a whole lot of unnecessary background noise, but then she began to hear snatches of conversation that she really wished she hadn't.

"Well after we conquer Hidden Leaf, we're gonna stop at the whorehouse right here." The heavyweight one said.

_They were gonna do what? _She thought, trying to focus harder on the Pein sitting across from her.

"Why? The spiked helmet guy was saying. "The food is lousy. I don't like it, let's go to this one here."

"Because the whores are prettier and cheaper than the one you want to go too." The large Pein said, waving his hand in exasperation. "Besides, we're not going there to eat."

"That's a funny thing coming from you." The Pein with the ponytail quipped.

"We aren't going to a whorehouse after we conquer Konoha." Said another Pein with piercings forming an upside down v. "It would upset Konan-chan."

_I'm not hearing this! I am NOT hearing this. Focus! Focus on Leader, maybe I can find a way to warn Konoha before the attack._

"Tch. You just wanna go there to see Umeko-chan." The Pein with the long hair said.

When the long haired guy began shaking his ass and tossing his hair, Sakura could not help herself, she could only gape as the long haired Pein sashayed around the room.

"Oh Umeko-chan, your so pretty with your long purple hair and slinky body. Do me baby, do me right." He said in a high pitched whiny voice.

"Hey you know, you could always try getting it on with that pink haired chick."

The pony tailed Pein pointed out. "You think she'd have a kinky orgy with me and Konan-chan if I asked her?"

_Oh no he didn't! _

Suddenly realizing he'd lost his audience Pein turned around in annoyance to see just what had distracted their newest member. His face flamed with embarrassment and he snapped at them.

"Will you knock it off! I'm trying to do business with our newest member!"

Three of the five Peins looked mutinous.

"If you promise to behave, I'll drop you off at the whorehouse of your choice after the invasion."

They all looked satisfied with that.

Sakura stifled a shriek of laughter. They were all crazy! No way anyone back in Konoha would ever believe her if she told them. Heh! They'd probably toss _her _into the loony bin right along with them.


	38. Disappear

**Disappear **

**This was written for xsweetxsourxsoul**

**Who wanted an AU Kisa/Ita with a little smut.**

* * *

Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha had been best friends since kindergarten. Both were members of influential families who showed a respectable façade to the world by day and a sinister, powerful one to the city's underbelly by night.

Both families were part of a large mob in Japan's criminal community, though they were rarely talked about and almost never seen to anyone but their most trusted members. Orders were carried out from the top and trickled it's way down to the very bottom.

Kisame and Itachi both were expected to some day step up and take the reigns to the family business, both the corporations they ran and the crime syndicate they ruled.

Itachi Uchiha though an outwardly respectful and obedient son and a genius with an abnormally high IQ, had other ideas. He wanted to run far away, keep his younger brother out of the hands of his greedy family, wanted to convince his best friend and the boy he was secretly in love to come away with him. Kisame had agreed to go along with it, though whether or not the tall teen knew about his true feelings was still a mystery.

Kisame had also found out a person who was perfect for their plans. A ne'er do well, blonde bad boy in his art class who had been arrested multiple times for selling drugs, getting into fights and having sex on campus. But Itachi didn't care about that, what Deidara was most notable for was planting small bombs inside the school and never getting caught, it was never enough to do any serious damage and Itachi agreed to have him help. Albeit reluctantly.

The night of their getaway, Itachi had arranged discreetly for his younger brother Sasuke to spend the night over at his best friend's house, he would hate him for what he was going to do, but he felt it was necessary to keep his younger, sweet brother away from a life of crime.

There was only one man Itachi would entrust to look after his brother anyways. A distant relative named Kakashi who had nothing to do with the family business as he was too far away and on a law abiding police officer to realize what was going on.

Itachi had deactivated the security system so Deidara could get near enough to do the deed. For the first time in his life, he felt his heart racing with adrenaline and terror. Kisame seemed excited about the idea and he seemed so much stronger than he was. Kisame had always been one of the two constants in his life and before Itachi realized what he was doing, he kissed him.

Kisame was shocked at first, he had always privately liked the beautiful younger teen, but he had always believed that those feelings were unreciprocated. After a moment he began to kiss back, tongue tasting his soft lips, hand tentatively running through silken black locks.

Itachi hummed in response, hand tracing the sides of his face, the tattoos, down his throat and to his hard muscular stomach.

"Itachi, I never knew you…"

"Hush Kisame."

Itachi tilted back his head and kissed his throat, agile tongue tracing nondescript designs and making him shiver as Kisame removed his button up shirt and stared appreciatively at the smaller boy's lean muscles. His rough hands rubbed circles up and down his back steadying Itachi's frayed nerves and exciting him all at the same time. While Kisame was busy licking his best friend, Itachi was pulling off his clothes feeling terrified and unbridled. He decided he liked the feeling of doing as you pleased. His hands came up to move through Kisame's hair, the feeling of his smooth, naked chest against his lightly hairy one.

Kisame laid him on the bed, pale eyes lighting up with lust, hot and heavy swirling feelings in his gut as he continued to stroke his hair, lips parting as Kisame dipped his head lower, towards his ticklish legs.

When had his pants come off? He wondered absentmindedly as Kisame alternately lapped and blew at his erection, teasing him with his mouth, making long strokes upward and down with his flat tongue.

"Ki-same." He drew his name out on a groan, hands clenching his hair in delight.

Unfortunately they were interrupted when several loud explosions shook the blonde's small apartment.

"Damn! That's our signal to move it!" Kisame growled. Though he was still highly aroused by Itachi's darkened eyes and his tousled hair.

The two got dressed quickly and headed out where the car was waiting and Itachi drove off at a normal pace out into the night, he had expected to feel regret, expected to feel racked with grief for his gentle mother, but he felt nothing at all much to his dismay, at least Sasuke was safe and at most he could be with Kisame as they disappeared from the world.


	39. Just A Touch

**Just A Touch **

_A continuation of Harboring Suspicions_

* * *

"Damn! Look at that ass!" Deidara said cheerfully.

Kakuzu tried to tune it out before he killed somebody.

Sakura cracked her knuckles threateningly.

"I know right?" Hidan agreed, he'd had to get patched up after some asshole had taken off his leg on a mission with Itachi. "I keep telling the bitch that but she still won't go out with me. I mean I'm pretty sexy if I do say so myself."

Make that two people he might have to kill.

"Maybe it's because you're a loud-mouthed asshole." Said Deidara helpfully.

"You shut up! Or I'll-"

"Or you'll what un? Hop over here and beat me with your leg?"

Sakura sighed and wiped the sweat off her forehead. The base in Earth Country was miserably hot and she'd been forced to these jerks argue over her like she was a new toy. Needless to say, her temper was frayed.

"Both of you better shut up before I ensure that neither of you leave for a really long time!" She growled.

"See! That. That right there. That's fucking hot!" Said Hidan, clearly unperturbed. "Besides I would love to stay here longer with you babe."

"You aint seen hot till you see her fight yeah! She can bust a giant boulder into dust with those cute little fists of hers." Deidara replied refusing to be outdone.

"Calm down Sakura." Kakuzu murmured in her ear, his voice was stern but he had discreetly shifted himself so that a puff of air blew against her ear the way he knew she loved. He wasn't going to lie, he was content that she was here now that she had forgiven him. It was a dumb move on her part, but as corny as it sounded he was happy just to have _his kunoichi _back.

This had not escaped Deidara's notice. He had felt muted killing intent from Kakuzu all day, at first attributing it to Hidan who was rapidly getting on everyone's nerves, but the flash of desire in her eyes and the way he had leaned over to tell her to calm down was prettytelling.

There was a good chance that the two of them had a little fling going.

After she had patched Hidan up, Sakura decided that evil Akatsuki lair or not, she was going to make wild passionate love to Kakuzu tonight.

Kakuzu couldn't help but notice the smoldering look in her eye she was done for the day. The Falls nin had missed doing nothing but holding her after she'd fallen asleep. He needed it, needed to feel her naked body against his and her hot lips sliding on his skin, needed to feel those lovely breasts against his chest.

When night fell, Sakura dragged him to the bed and kissed him hungrily, they were undressed in a matter of minutes and he put his warm hand on her smooth back, eyes tracing over her muscles, her skin was mostly smooth, save for one long scar that told him she'd been skewered by something. A sword most likely. For some reason,

Kakuzu always felt a surge of protective anger when he saw that scar, as if someone else had tried to claim it before he had claimed her. His lips traced the skin, causing her to moan and toss her head, long pink hair flying, mouth parted as he ran his hands down her back and ass, her breasts looked so inviting, but he would wait until he was done staking yet another claim on her, taking back what was his.

"Sakura." He growled against her skin as his lips continued to kiss and glide against her skin.

He gave her a nip and she bared her teeth a little as he moved towards her breasts.

"It's been so long." He said.

"I've missed this." Her voice sounded a little choked up, a little teary.

Kakuzu raised his head from his playful ministrations to look into her jade green eyes and it startled the hell out of him to realize that she would follow him through hell if he asked her too. It wasn't blind devotion, but something else, something lighter but more potent, something stronger. Something he never thought anyone would feel for him.

She licked suddenly dry lips which caused Kakuzu's cock to twitch despite this unexpected revelation.

"You don't have to acknowledge it Kakuzu, I understand if you don't feel the same way, but for now let's just have this. We need this." she spoke in a panting, near whisper, making his cock feel even harder.

Kakuzu leaned over and kissed her. He didn't know how to feel about, so he'd think on it later because she was right, they did need this and this beautiful woman who was on her back, knees spread and gazing up at him with affectionate lust in her eyes was his and that was all that mattered right now. He sat up and began rubbing his cock against her clit causing her to fist the pillow behind her, eyes shutting and letting out a small breathy gasp. His. Yes. She was all his. He wouldn't let anyone steal her away from him, all his.

"Unh. Kakuzu. Please."

"Not yet." He whispered as his hips thrust more powerfully against hers. Teasing her outer lips, her little bud. Yes he was going to make sure he would be the only man she ever wanted. Was going to be the only she ever responded too.

When he had her good and wet, she wrapped her legs around him tightly as he lowered her down and lifted her up again, her arms were flung around his neck as he stood.

Each slow pump sent shivers of pleasure through her body as she kissed his throat.

She whimpered a little as she helped him set the rhythm. Damn but he had never been so deep inside her like this, she had never felt so full, his hard cock sending stronger ripples of pleasure as she moved, up, down, up, down, he was so smooth and hard and he just felt so good inside of her, he had to stifle a louder moan with his mouth, tongues entwining as he adjusted his grip under her thighs, thumbs caressing her ass, breasts rubbing him.

"Oh Sakura."

She loved hearing his growls against her throat, loved how his hair felt in between her fingers as he rocked harder against her.

"Kakuzu…" She gasped.

"I want to feel you pounding me please." She begged him.

He laid her down on the bed and legs over his shoulders began thrusting hard, causing her to cry out in sharp, little gasps as she lifted herself higher. Making her beg in barely comprehensible whispers were driving him insane and he went faster still.

"Your mine." He told her.

"Yes, I'm yours." She agreed, peering at him through slitted eyes.

Her walls drew him in further and he bit her hard on the shoulder as they came together.

She smiled at him, lips parted just enough to see her teeth as he lay his head against her chest and she stroked his hair.

After a few minutes she got up and fetched two wash cloths and a bowl of water, cleaning them off.

"Come to bed with me Sakura." He commanded as she emptied the water into the sink.

"I'm not done with you yet." She grinned, taking him into her mouth, fingers roving over his heated skin.

"Damn your insatiable woman." He told her as he moved her over him so he could lick her lips, causing her to dip a little lower.

She took him in deeper and deeper, tongue licking him as he went down her throat.

In return he began circling her lips with his tongue, enjoying the sweet taste of her as he swept down the middle, teasing and prodding and making her muscles clench, she was already dripping wet, he thought as he licked and swallowed as though she were sweet nectar.

She bent down further and with the tip of her tongue licked him up the shaft.

"Gods Sakura!" He barked, hips jerking upward uncontrollably.

Sakura only smirked and did it again and for a moment Kakuzu could only concentrate on that, she knew what her talented little mouth did to him and he decided to tease her little bud more, just until she was ready to come before he took her again.

"Ohh. Unn Mmm." She mumbled around his length, as his tongue swirled and flicked, rapidly.

Just for him…oh gods! If there were any out there, than they had surely made this woman for him and him alone.

He sucked her lips, drawing her little bud into his mouth.

"Aah! Kakuzu! I'm going to come!"

With those words, he slipped from beneath her and grabbed her hips from behind, sliding himself in and lowering her to the bed, making sure to angle her hips just so and then being careful to keep his full weight off her began grinding her, hands clasping over hers, his feet bracing against the bed board. Balls rubbing against the back of her soft, wet pussy. Harder, harder, deeper still. He finally came with a roar and lay against her back, black hair mingling with cotton candy pink, panting heavily, sweaty hands still clasped as though neither could bear to let go of the other.

When he finally pulled out and they cleaned off she beckoned him back to bed where they fell asleep, naked in each other's arms.

* * *

**Authoress**

**Thanks to Great White for there totally bitchin song Rock Me**

**as background music for the Sakura/Kakuzu lemon.**


	40. Pandemonium Fic: Flash of Disappointment

**Pandemonium Ficlet; **

**Brief Flash of Disappointment**

_In which Gai finds out the new student/teacher assignments _

_and finds himself a little disappointed._

* * *

Gai was excited. Today was the day when he finally got his new Genin team. He could not wait! He absolutely could not wait to start training youthful minds, youthful spirits! To help these wonderful youngsters bring out their very best! To help them burst into bloom like the flowers of spring, germinating after a long winter! And just as wonderful was the fact that two of his former students, one Tenten and the other his wonderful Lee who was like a son, was receiving their very first students today.

Ah yes! What a glorious morning to find out just who was on his team! The sun was shining warm and gentle on his head, the birds were singing and a playful breeze stirred the leaves of summer.

He wondered who would be on his team. He hoped beyond hope that he would know the joys of training Lee's second child, Zetsumyou, the student of his student, like his hip eternal rival Kakashi had with Asami a year earlier. Ah Zetsumyou! What a wonderful name. How often Lee had talked about becoming a splendid ninja when he was young and to name his second daughter Splendor? Tears of happiness leaked down his cheeks. He was quite sure young Zetsumyou would live up to her name.

When he got there, Tenten, Lee and several other Jounin sensei were receiving their lists, after they had all left and Gai got his, he beckoned for his two former students to read the names of the students they were going to be training.

"I know you cannot wait to find out which youthful students you will be training!" He said happily. They had no idea how proud it made them to follow in his footsteps as a teacher.

"Your right Gai sensei! I cannot wait! But I must, for ladies first!"

"Ah such chivalry in an age where chivalry is lost." Gai said nodding sagely.

"I have taught you well young Lee!"

Tenten shook her head in amusement, some things never seemed to change, she supposed and opened her list.

"Do not keep us waiting Tenten!" Lee said excitedly.

"Well I've got Goma Akimichi," She began.

Hmm. Gai wondered how the err…placid Akimichi child would fare under Tenten's rigorous training. Gai was fully aware of how the Akimichi interesting slew of family worked. Perhaps Tenten and Goma were not right for each other? Still, he knew that was not up to him.

"Akatsume Inuzuka and Imoto,"

Tenten would have it rough with that one, as according to Tsume-san, her grandson was the least sociable Inuzuka in the entire history of the clan. But he was sure she would prevail to teach him that teamwork was necessary and mutually beneficial for all. Tenten had always been diligent and fully aware of the values of teamwork.

"And Kaede Koichi."

Gai didn't know much about young Kaede, other than that she the daughter of the presumed deceased Genma Shiranui, the fact being was that she was nearly the spitting of the village heartbreaker.

"Go ahead Lee." She said.

Lee opened his paper enthusiastically what he saw made him gasp, eyes wide, mouth in an O of delight.

"Zetsumyou Lee,"

For just a moment, Gai's smile faltered as disappointment sunk in. He had been so sure that he would experience the joys of teaching the child of his pupil, as Kakashi must be. No! I will not ruin this joyous occasion for Lee! He told himself. Young Zetsumyou will surely flourish under Lee's youthful enthusiasm. Also, to fall into such bitter disappointment would be opening myself up the winters of malcontent.

His smile flashed brightly again, but not before ever observant Tenten had noticed his momentary lapse.

"That is wonderful news Lee!"

He flashed his sensei a huge grin and continued to read the list.

"Tadashi Nara,"

Mmm. That did not seem like such a good match-up, for the Nara clan which Gai hesitated to call lazy and preferred to label as carefully patient, much like his own wise, tortoise summons, needed a more laid-back teacher.

"And Jiraiya Uzumaki."

Ah! To be teaching the child of one of your best friend. Naruto had been and still was, very full of youth and had always been a very hard worker. If Jiraiya was anything like the youthful Hokage in that department than it would be a match made in heaven, visions of the young Uzumaki in spandex with the same haircut as Lee and himself, though perhaps the haircut would not suit the mischievous boy, made his eyes water with joyful tears.

"And what about you Gai-sensei! You must share your list!"

"Right you are!" He said, ripping open his envelope and taking out the paper with great flourish.

"Tonbo Aburame!"

Gai knew too, the reasons for the Aburame clan's stoicism, it would be dangerous for them to be passionately youthful and he had always felt rather bad that the clan must be robbed of the joys of childhood. Well, he was quite sure that his other two students would be embody the traits of happy, eager youngsters.

"Kaguya Fujin!"

Ah. Now there was a spirited lass! She was insightful, lively, feisty and a very, very talented young lady. She hailed from a clan who could command wind and lightning and were even rumored to be able to read the minds of others, though those rumors seem to be unfounded.

"And Tenshi Uchiha!"

Gai almost, _almost _winced with disappointment. Sasuke's oldest, (he had quite the brood with five children) was a quarrelsome, arrogant girl who was sure to cause nothing _but _trouble. Gai could handle stoic, broody, troubled, arrogant. Neji had had that in spades. But Tenshi as far as he knew, was not plagued with troubles and had no reason to treat her classmates so. He withheld an unhappy sigh while forming his face into a more thoughtful look, to deter his students from guessing that things had not worked out as he had hoped.


	41. Evaluation

**Evaluation**

**This was written for Slinkymilinky**

**W.A.S.P was great for inspiration, especially Sweet Cheetah, Wild Child, Mantronic, Shoot From the Hip and Flesh and Fire. **

* * *

They stood staring at each other. Both as different as night and day, Itachi was as pale as the moon and his hair was as dark as night. Deidara's skin was tanned and his hair was as gold as the sun.

Yet despite being forced into Akatsuki, Deidara still stood as proudly as fiercely as though he were a free man. A symbol, a wild thing that refused to be broken or tamed and only bent to his own will and no one else's unless it suited him.

Itachi suspected that his own will had broken a long time ago and perhaps he envied Deidara a little, for refusing to be anything else, come what may.

There were moments when he wished he had what the taller blonde had, perhaps he had brought him down to earth that day to get the barest touch of a truly free spirit.

Being the one to induct him into Akatsuki, Itachi had also been charged with watching him to make him understand that escape was neither possible nor tolerated. He was also in charge of seeing how physically fit the Iwa Nin was. The first task was to test his stamina in sparring.

But if Deidara was a free spirit, Itachi was still the superior ninja. The man's Taijutsu was good, excellent in fact for someone who preferred to fight long range almost exclusively, but it was not good enough for the Akatsuki's standards and it would have to be improved.

Deidara was getting really pissed off at the smug bastard as he kick only barely grazed him, instead of hitting him full force like it should have. He was no slouch at Taijutsu, but damn this man was annoying un! The little bastard was probably using a Distortion Genjutsu to hide his moves. Fucking coward! He thought.

He pulled back his fist to punch him in the face, but Itachi caught his hand easily and flung it to the side. Before connecting solidly to his cheekbone. He spun, grabbed his shirt and flung the heavier man onto his back.

Deidara snarled and kicked him with his leg, but Itachi was close enough so that the impact wouldn't hurt, before slamming his elbow down hard on his chest.

Deidara head butted him, leaving a dark bruise in the middle of his forehead. The blonde smirked, shoved him hard only to find that it was a shadow clone and whirled around. The real Itachi was standing behind him, red eyes burning into his, beautiful, blank unusual. The bastard may not have said anything, but it was still a taunt after all.

Deidara studied Itachi for a moment. His exotic looks would have made him a unique piece of art alone, if it weren't for the fact that there was no expression, no poetry, no fire, no soul. He was the epitome of the textbook-perfect shinobi and the Iwa nin pitied him for just a moment before the stream of steady hatred burned him on the inside. This asshole had clipped his wings. Nobody did that to him and escaped unscathed.

Itachi saw all this in his opponent's eyes and mentally shrugged it off. Waiting patiently for the other man to make his move. Deidara did not disappoint as he charged, disappeared in mid charge and reappeared above him.

The former Konoha nin's hands dusted the ground and almost succeeded in knocking him off his feet. Deidara twisted catlike, put down his other hand and once again landed on his feet.

Itachi landed a vicious elbow strike to the face and Deidara punched his throat, and grabbed Itachi's head as the smaller man gasped and wheezed and tried to flip him on his back, but Itachi caught him off guard by pulling him into a tumble and once again had Deidara pinned beneath him, while mercilessly pounding him.

Deidara wasn't done yet, the mud clone evaporated and Itachi was flung hard into the wall before that clone poofed out of existence and Deidara leapt out of the way to avoid the volley of shuriken. That clone disappeared as well and low level bombs went off as Deidara charged back into the cloud of dust they had created.

If the bastard couldn't see him, he couldn't use his Sharingan against him. But he had a few precious seconds, unfortunately they were wasted in the cloud, as Itachi came up and pressed a kunai to the back of his neck, a thin sliver of blood dripped down his shoulder blade.

"Your Taijutsu skills are good Deidara-san, but not good enough. We will work vigorously everyday until you are up to par."

Next was to see how well Deidara could handle being hunted. Itachi gave him a few minutes head start and took off after him, as silent as a panther chasing its prey. Deidara could avoid traps well enough, but Itachi was able to catch up to him too quickly, too many times for his liking.

That is, until he was met with a slew of grasshoppers. While other ninja may have underestimated them, they were an unknown quantity to ever cautious Itachi and he moved back a little. The grasshoppers followed his every move, making charging straight through them nearly impossible and circling extremely difficult.

The man decided he would have to revise his opinion of Deidara's evasion skills, they were better then he'd initially thought. The Iwa nin may have been crazy and reckless, but he was also incredibly intelligent. He thought. This was good, he was up to the organizations standards in that department.

His eyes widened as one hopped on his face and Itachi managed to use a Substitution Jutsu just before it exploded in his face.

When Itachi finally managed to evade his grasshoppers with extensive use of shadow clones and well timed substitutions, Deidara was standing back at the starting point with a vicious, victorious smile on his face and a bottle of water in his hand.

He tipped his head back to drink it and a few sparkling drops dripped off his chin and trickled down his throat in a very erotic way. Itachi's eyes followed the motion of his adam's apple, eyeing that slender, sexy throat with appreciation and he felt his eyelids growing heavy with desire.

Deidara noticed and chuckled. So the skinny little pretty boy thought he was attractive yeah? Well, there was more than one way to prove who was the better shinobi un. And he wouldn't complain about having such a gorgeous man to prove it too either.

He thought, eyes raking over the effeminate features, the way the red eyes only added to his beauty instead of detracting from it.

He leaned against the wall on one hand and beckoned to him. Itachi found himself walking forward in a half-daze as Deidara's hands appreciatively explored his lithe, supple body with long, elegant calloused fingers. Artist's hands, he noticed. They were slim and talented and Itachi felt the beginning of desire quiver in his stomach, he arced his neck and Deidara bent down to taste his skin, salty with sweat and smooth and silken beneath his hot tongue.

His fingers traced his well defined muscles beneath the mesh shirt, rubbing circles around his hardening nipples as Deidara traced nondescript circles on his milky throat. Lips smooth, sending pleasant heat curling in his belly.

Deidara's hands moved towards his sensitive back, causing Itachi to moan softly.

Deidara enjoyed the feeling of having his nipples played with as he created soothing circles on Itachi's back, the puffs of breath under his jaw causing him to push Itachi against the wall, despite the heat. The circle became wider until it reached that taut little ass of his.

His tongue traced up the jaw and swirled around the ear, enjoying the feeling of finally having trapped him, his knee parted Itachi's leg and Deidara kissed him, growling in his mouth a little as he lifted the lighter man up, hands gripping underneath his thighs.

Itachi's hands spread over his chest, calloused palms running down the flat of his stomach to a light six pack, enjoying the feeling of Deidara's erect cock rubbing enticingly against his ass, promising him more if he submitted and took off his slacks. He let out a shaky breath as teeth gently scraped his chin, than his jaw.

Itachi lifted himself up against him involuntarily, as somehow, Deidara managed to get them free of the pants, teeth ripping off his underwear, while shaking out of his.

Deidara's tongue slipped between his cheeks, causing Itachi to groan a little louder as they prepared him, circling, laving, delving until the blonde was satisfied that he was good and slick.

Then he slid in and began slow, deep thrusts, torturing Itachi, while his thumbs continued to rub firm circles on the ticklish spots on his thighs.

Itachi kept just enough weight off Deidara while hard and thick, his cock continued to slowly pump in and out, sending waves of pressure and pleasure as he went a little deeper, than a little shallower, alternating at just the correct times and sending heat spiraling through his belly, making his muscles quiver and clench, needing him to go faster.

But Deidara refused his silent requests, keeping up the agonizingly slow pace, he wouldn't go faster until he had the Uchiha begging for it and besides, he was enjoying the explosion of expressions on his otherwise emotionless face, teeth clenched, eyes screwed shut, the quietest of pants and moans slowly growing louder as he leaned against the wall.

He refused to give in, just no way yeah! But perhaps a slight increase in tempo would make him beg a little faster, Deidara's biggest fault was that he was too impatient. But still, he wouldn't go too fast, just a little and the way those tightly clenched jaws opened, revealing a flash of pink tongue and the gasp that came from his lips told Deidara he'd made the right choice. Who knew the stoic bastard could be so expressive un?

And damn was he beautiful, quite possibly one of the most beautiful men he'd ever seen…after himself of course.

He angled his hips to get deeper penetration and…oh kami! That felt so good! He thought, as Deidara eased himself to his limit. His lean hips took up a steady rhythm as Itachi's head was flung back, mouth open and gasps and soft whimpers escaped from it.

C'mon ice bastard! Deidara thought as he continued to study him, let me know. One particularly sharp thrust finally brought Itachi to moan loud enough to leave Deidara's ears ringing and Deidara wrenched out another and another, legs tightening around him, the loud moans becoming more and more frequent, the soft gasps giving way and Deidara almost laughed out loud at their reversed positions.

Faster and faster they moved, until Deidara finally gave in himself, growls low and throaty, teeth clenched as he pounded harder, hitting that perfect rhythm that had both of them dizzy and needing. Breath short and intermingling in the heat of the day, bodies slicked with sweat as they reached sweet climax.

Both of them coming with a shout within seconds of each other. Itachi was vaguely aware of the hot wall, biting into his back and the blonde's hands biting into his thighs.

He was well aware of the smug smile in his eyes and gracing his thin lips. Golden, Golden God, gorgeous, the Sun to his Moon, pale and mysterious, flourishing in the dark while the other reveled in the daylight. A clash of wills with no immediate foreseeable end, dominance and temporary submission, a shifting of positions.

In silence they got dressed and headed for the showers.

"We will continue training tomorrow Deidara-san." He said mildly as though they hadn't spent time fucking against the wall in the heat of the day.

Deidara made an annoyed tching sound. Capricious bastard. He thought angrily as he stepped into his room. Well, tomorrow he would make him surrender again. He was definitely looking forward to it.


	42. Pandemonium Fic: Crisis

**Pandemonium Ficlet: **

**A Crisis of Sorts**

_In which Neji comes home to minor crisis's and a few shocks_

* * *

It had been two years since Neji had been home. Those years now seemed like a distant dream as he walked into the Hyuuga compound on that cold, gloomy evening, Eyes seeking everywhere for his charge, usually the first to greet him with her shy smiles and heartfelt welcomes. Yet Hinata was nowhere to be found.

After unpacking his things, taking a hot shower and greeting Hiashi, who seemed inexplicably cold and distant, even for him, Neji finally turned towards Hanabi to inquire after Hinata's whereabouts.

The young girl pursed her lips and seemed to think about it for a moment before finally putting her head close to his.

"You'll find her at the Inuzuka's." Her mouth twisted humorously..

"You might wanna steel yourself though."

Neji gave her an odd look, thanked her and left. As he walked towards the Inuzuka compound it began to rain.

A boy and his dog were out for a bit of light training.

"Excuse me." Neji said.

The boy whipped around, the dog, a shaggy, flop-eared gray beast sniffed his crotch, causing the boy to snicker and Neji to blush.

"Can you tell me where Hinata Hyuuga is?"

The boy wrinkled his nose.

"Oh. Yeah, she's right over there."

He pointed to the house and Neji went and knocked on the door.

What answered that door was a shock to Neji's system! There, no taller than his knee, stood a chocolate haired child, about two years old, with moon-pale eyes and the Inuzuka's markings on her forehead and cheeks.

Something stirred beyond the door and a startled, sleepy voice scolded the child gently.

"Harusame! How m-many t-times have I t-t-told you not to open the door?"

Hinata laid one hand against the child's head, the other on her belly and stared.

If seeing the child had stunned Neji, seeing his heavily pregnant cousin in a sleeping gown, with the same tattoos was nearly too much.

"Oh! Neji! Y-you've come back from your mission! P-please come in."

Neji was quickly ushered in by his cousin and in a sort of daze slipped off his sandals.

A large wolf trailed close to Hinata. Neji didn't like that.

"You've got my eyes too." The little girl babbled as Neji sat down.

"Y-your shaking…I'll get you some tea." She murmured.

Harusame grabbed hold of a fluffy reddish pup and held her tightly, causing it to growl and bite her, squirming to get away.

Hinata bit her lip in worry.

"Harusame what has your father told you about playing too roughly w-with Sabiru? You m-must remember that she's just a baby."

The little girl wiped the blood off her cheek and whimpered as Hinata bent down to clean it and kissed it better, smoothing her hair and making the child snuggle happily against her cheek.

"Mama, who this?" Harusame asked, pointing at Neji.

"This is your big c-cousin N-N-Neji."

The little girl grinned at him and, as if she hadn't just been nipped on the cheek, resumed rough playing with the puppy.

Neji remembered when Kiba had asked for Hinata's hand in marriage before he'd left and Hiashi had flatly told them no. He hadn't thought much would come of it at the time, but this…

"Neji." The soft voice shook him out of his memories as she tentatively held out a cup of fragrant tea in front of him.

"So…what have you been doing with your life?" He asked as he took the tea.

She flinched a little and Neji realized that he sounded too stern, almost condescending. Then she stood up straighter as she sat in the chair opposite him.

"W-well Kiba and I married here, at the umm…Inuzuka compound and I worked at the Academy, until Harusame was born."

Hinata placed her hand on her belly once more and a sweet, wondering smile lit up her face.

"I see…and Kiba?"

"He's out on a mission right now, b-but he'll back in a few weeks." Her face fell.

"You're worried about him missing out on the birth?" Neji asked bluntly.

"No, I know he'll miss out on the b-birth." She said with a frown.

"I'm d-due in two weeks."

That was the sixteenth of April, he mused as he finished his tea.

"And when was Harusame born?" He asked.

"May Seventh."

Suddenly Hinata yawned and he noticed the dark rings under her eyes. She had probably been worrying herself sick about Kiba every night.

"Go upstairs." Neji answered.

"Oh but-"

"A woman in your condition should be getting more sleep."

"But Haru-"

"I-don't mind watching Harusame while you sleep."

Hinata just shook her head and went to put the dishes away.

Suddenly the wolf whined unhappily and dashed into the kitchen.

Neji heard a gasp of pain.

Hinata stood there in her sleeping gown, a puddle of water on the floor.

"Hinata?" He asked.

"The b-baby's c-c-c-coming."

"What?" He asked.

"Aika! P-please, take Harusame with you and get Tsume-san." She said.

Aika whimpered again, seemingly unwilling to leave her there alone, but turned around anyways and that was when Neji realized that the wolf was blind in one eye and that the other was clouding. She nudged the little girl who climbed on her back, picked up the puppy and dashed out into the rain.

Neji was appalled. "You can't just let run around with no supervision!"

Hinata bent over a little.

"Don't worry Neji brother, she'll be safer with Aika protecting her than she would with me."

"Here, sit down." Neji said.

"N-no! No! It-doesn't hurt as much if I w-walk." She said. "Please walk with me?"

And though Neji wanted to go after his newfound niece and make sure she got to her destination safely, he took her hand gingerly and paced around the room with Hinata.

Tsume heard frantic scrabbling at the door, followed by muffled whimpers and whines and she opened it to find Aika standing on the porch. The muddy wolf ran inside, depositing the puppy on the floor and turned towards her.

She frowned, Aika had bonded almost instantly with her daughter-in-law, becoming extremely protective and would never willingly leave Hinata's side unless there was an emergency. She listened as the wolf relayed her message and a huge smile threatened to split her face in two.

"Hana!" She hollered.

Hana who had come by to fill out some paperwork for the new puppies poked her head around the corner.

"Watch Harusame while I go to the hospital! I'm off to become a grandmother twice over!" She said and walked out the door, whistling cheerfully.

As she approached the house, Tsume sniffed the air. So this was what Aika had meant when she said that a familiar stranger was in the house.

"Neji-san?" She said.

"Inuzuka-sama! We must get Hinata to the hospital immediately." He demanded.

She chuckled.

"Hold your horses Hyuuga. It'll be a little while yet, and we still have to help Hinata pack before we leave. You just keep walking with her while I go get some of her things ok?"

While they packed, Hinata chattered, talking about everything from how she and Kiba had walked all over Konoha when she had been in labor with Harusame, to her job at the Academy, which she loved, to the wedding.

Tsume emerged with a small backpack and the three set off for hospital, Neji holding the umbrella while Hinata continued to talk. He'd certainly never seen her this talkative before and reasoned that she was doing it to help keep the pain off her mind.

When talk became too painful, they trudged on in silence for a while and Neji's tired brain caught up with him.

"Isn't it a little too early Hinata?" He asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"No. Going in two weeks early isn't too bad." Tsume reassured him.

"I went into labor a month early with Hana and she's a big healthy adult now. They'll be fine."

And so they got to the hospital and Neji sat outside and waited as Hinata was rushed away by Sakura and Shizune-san. Tsume seemed to have no problem marching right in and it wasn't till late afternoon the next day, several hours after the rain had stopped that he first heard the baby wailing and Inuzuka-san's glad cry of triumph. Still he waited, until Tsume finally came out and told him.

"She's given birth to a handsome little boy." She crowed.

And Neji had to wonder who was more excited. Hinata or Inuzuka-sama. When he finally was given permission to come in, his eyes instantly sought out the tiny, wrinkly scrap of life in Hinata's arms.

The little boy was wrinkled, his eyes were milky white and he had reddish fuzz on the top of his head.

Sakura of course was gushing over his exhausted cousin and her child.

"Oh Hinata! He's absolutely beautiful!"

Secretly Neji didn't think so, but he kept his silence.

"Have you thought of a name yet?" She cooed.

Hinata looked up shyly at Tsume.

"W-well, we didn't f-f-find any name that w-we liked yet-but…"

She trailed off for a moment.

"But I was thinking, if it's alright Tsume-san, that we name him…" She stopped to nibble her lip.

"Akatsume?"

A powerful emotion welled up in the Inuzuka clan head as she stared at Hinata and her first grandson. She had never expected for the child to be named for her. If this was what it felt like to be honored this way, she'd demand that Hana get knocked up and name a couple of the kids for her too.

Red Claw? Neji thought, controlling his bewildered scowl. He _supposed _it fit the boy.

Hinata let out a yawn and her eyelids started drooping, causing Sakura to shoo everyone out of the room, while she finished the paperwork for the birth certificate. Neji trudged home, while Tsume promised to bring Harusame and Hana by to visit a little later. As she trotted home to spread the good news, she knew she couldn't wait to rub it in, Hiashi's face that she had a beautiful little grandson who was named for her. Life was very good.


	43. Pandemonium: The Pickle Jar

**Pandemonium:**

**The Pickle Jar**

**Just something silly I thought of, and Kakashi's team needs to be showcased too.**

**

* * *

**

Harusame poked her head through the door. It was almost time to go train and Asami was making them late.

"Aren't you finished?"

"Almost. Except I can't get this stupid jar open, my mom would kill me for bugging her at the hospital and my dad is on a mission with his old teammates."

"What kind of a ninja can't even open a jar of pickles?" She scoffed, than sighed. "We're gonna be late."

"With Kakashi sensei? I don't think so." Asami pointed out, but handed her the jar.

"True. Here, let me open that for you."

She tried to twist the lid and scowled.

"Man, this thing is really stuck tight! What did you do?"

Sabiru lay down on the cool kitchen tile and whuffed contentedly.

"Here pass me a kunai." She said.

Asami was tempted to throw Harusame's words back at her, but closed her mouth and passed her the kunai.

"No! Not that one! The smaller one."

Harusame tried to use the point of the blade as leverage to get it open, it only popped in one place and not any other place, making it worse.

"Here, let's try a shuriken."

She put two points of the blade under the lid and pressed hard against it when the blade cut into the flesh of her palm. Harusame hissed in pain and waved her hand in the air.

Sabiru whined and pawed at the door and both girls silently cursed.

"Here, we'll take this with us. Cause it'll be a cold day in hell, when we're later than Kakashi sensei."

The two girls ran and much to their mortification, Kakashi sensei was standing on the bridge with Yasumichi, twirling a kunai and affecting an air of annoyance.

"Oh children, you're late."

If they were late, than that was really saying something.

"I know, but we couldn't get this pickle jar open and-"

"My, my, we aren't making lame excuses about being late are we?"

No. Way. The three of them stared at him slack jawed, before staring at each other. Yasumichi snorted.

"Here! Your such a great ninja! You open it!"

Asami snapped irritably, tossing him the jar, while their unrepentant teacher tsked.

First he tried to twist one way, than another, next he tried to use a small kunai for leverage, than a shuriken with no results. He knocked it against something hard, than tried to run the kunai under the edge, but the damn thing just wouldn't open.

"Hmm." He muttered, he'd never encountered such a stubborn pickle jar and it was really starting to bug him that he couldn't open it. Stupid thing. There was only one thing to do.

"Go bring this to Gai."

The looks on their faces were comical. Gai-sensei was weird, weirder perhaps than their own sensei. But they did as they were told and Kakashi sighed.

Why couldn't Team 7 be as obedient? This team was so much easier to deal with. Both the kunoichi on his team were serious about their work. Asami was a decent fighter, better than Sakura had been at that time and Harusame was as tough as nails and seldom one to rush blindly into a situation like her Kiba had when he was twelve. Yasumichi was not quite, the stoic Yuuhi, he was more laid back, a little lazy but given the right push he would do what he was told mostly without complaint.

Unfortunately, Gai was nowhere to be found and they each took their turn struggling to open the damn thing, getting more and more off duty ninja to help them with this task and none of Konoha had ever seen such a stubborn jar and it invoked a weird sort of challenge to open it without breaking it.

Naruto tried to twist it open, even using his teeth before swearing loudly and complaining that it was mocking him. Harusame at one point, tried to analyze the problem with her Byakugan to no avail. Gai finally came out of doing whatever it was he'd been doing, declaring that he would defeat the stuck pickle jar, but even with his incredible strength, it would not be opened.

By this time, a small crowd of nin were trying their hand at it. Anko nearly smashed the thing in frustration against the wall, Goma, Ino and Jiraiya all failed miserably and Raidou tried to use a senbon to pop it open while Kaede snickered.

Finally, Yasumichi took the pickle jar from the bemused Kakashi and with a simple twist opened it. Asami who was usually more good natured than her mother demanded irritably.

"Why the hell didn't you do that before?"

Yasumichi smiled and said. "Because I was having too much fun watching all of you try."


	44. Toxic Lust

**Toxic Lust**

In which four childhood enemies connect in an unexpected way

**

* * *

**They were old school friends, or, more specifically, old school enemies. Three of them had lived in the same neighborhood since childhood.

Tayuya was the oldest, her first incarnation was a rowdy, tomboyish, band geek who loved to play the flute.

Kin the youngest, was a prissy snoot, who prized her long dark hair and lorded it over everyone that her family was the richest in the neighborhood.

Karin was the neighborhood weirdo and was never liked by Tayuya, who thought she was a freak, or Kin, who said she was gross. Karin, spent time catching bugs and dissecting them, or reading medical books out loud to her collection of stuffed toys, because she had no friends.

Tension only got worse when Ino arrived from the city of Konoha during Middle School. She and Kin took to each other like ducks to water. Two peas in a pod. They were both backstabbing, petty, snooty, bitches.

Tayuya at that time had deviated from being a band geek and fell in love with punk rock, dyed her hair hot pink, and got into drugs, much to her old band mates' dismay. Though she still practiced the flute in secret, so her new friends wouldn't abandon her.

By High School, what had started as dislike between them in their childhood years had mutated into a poisonous hatred. By the time college arrived things took a weird turn.

Kin was half-asleep on the floor, dizzy from the mixture of ecstasy and alcohol when Ino padded in. She tried to roll her friend over to make sure she was ok, when she was pulled down and kissed, Ino moaned into her mouth and the two were soon naked on the floor.

Ino dipped her head and captured the dusky brown nipple in her mouth. Kin groaned and stroked her long, sunshine gold hair, fingers trailing lightly down the curve of her long waist and rubbing her shorter legs over her friend's longer ones.

They admired each other, told each other how flawless the other's skin was, how sexy they looked.

That was when Tayuya stumbled in, looking for a place to drop acid with her friends when she was saw what was going on. The two snootiest girls in the school were lesbian lovers! This was rich. Tayuya's first instinct was to go back out and make everyone come to the room to see for themselves. Then her mouth began to water and her body began to tingle, she unceremoniously shoved Jirobo and the twins out and locked the door, stuck her head down and sniffed the perfumed skin with anticipation, then her tongue snaked out and she began licking Kin's pussy, she circled the rim of her inner lips, making her squirm and whimper. Then she concentrated on flicking the little nub until the other girl was clutching Ino's waist.

"What the-" Ino panted, turning her head around.

"Who invited you?"

In response, Tayuya turned her attention from Kin to Ino and began to lick her pussy, making Ino groan and arch her back, begging for more, Kin pouted and Tayuya slid her fingers inside, enjoying the way the girl's soft insides were squeezing her fingers.

"Let her stay." Kin panted.

Ino had to agree. "Who knew all those years playing flute and bass made you have such a talented mouth and fingers?"

Ino turned back to Kin's breasts, Kin began playing with Ino, gently rubbing her nipples, massaging her plump tits, fingers lightly feathering her tight stomach.

Karin had been looking for a quiet, out of the way spot to get away from all the partying when she walked into the strange threesome.

Tayuya scowled at her. "It's the freak!"

Karin scowled back.

Ino and Kin gave each other sly smirks and Ino beckoned her forward.

"Wanna join us Karin-chan?" Ino asked coyly.

Karin glanced at her suspiciously. She'd been the victim of Ino and Karin's cruel jokes before and wasn't entirely sure if that's what this was or not. She was still a virgin but whatever they were doing did look…enticing.

"Oh loosen up girl." Ino said, handing her a pill.

Karin shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"I don't know if I should." She said hesitantly.

Tayuya snorted and rubbed her tongue up and down Kin's clit causing her to buck and squeal.

"Don't look at it as taking drugs, look at it as a hands-on science experiment of how chemicals affect the body." Ino pointed out.

She grinned when she noticed she'd caught the redhead's attention.

"Ok." She still sounded hesitant and removed her clothes.

"Go get my dildo." Kin commanded her.

"Ooh. You mean the one with the pleasure bumps?" Ino asked excitedly.

"Yes. What's taking so long?"

"I'm looking for a condom because I don't know what ki-"

"DON'T finish that sentence! They're in the top drawer on the left." Kin growled.

Karin went to get them and obediently took the ecstasy.

At first, she didn't feel anything, then this strange, almost painful, floating feeling engulfed her, making her feel all weird and disconnected from everything going on around her, then Kin began stroking her skin and it was like volts of pleasure shot through her body and she hesitantly began stroking Kin back and kissed her, irritated by Ino's jealous looks.

Not wanting to make the night go sour, she turned her attention to Tayuya and rubbed her hand along her thigh, she was surprised at how firm it was, then she grabbed her tight little ass and began squeezing and rubbing it.

Tayuya made a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl.

"Stick that thing up my ass and you _will _be sorry." She warned.

"Don't be like that Tayuya." Ino said. "Don't you have threesomes with Sakon and Ukon? You should be used to double action by now."

Kin and Ino giggled and Karin sneered.

"It's one thing for them to do it cause they know how, it's another thing for someone who has no idea what they're doing to fuck me up the ass." Tayuya admitted.

Ino looked thoughtful.

"Well it's about time she gained a little experience. I know what I'm doing."

"I'll bet you would." She shot back.

"I'll be her guide." Ino said authoratively.

She showed Karin how to lube it up and then guided Karin's hand.

Tayuya dipped her back to let it in deeper as sweet pleasure made her whole body tremble.

"Now while you're doing that with this hand, use your fingers to play with her clit."

Ino told her.

Tayuya let out another long moan. "Oh yeah, feels good."

Kin kissed Tayuya, delighted to find that she was just as good a kisser as she was going down.

Tayuya ran her tongue over her lips, while Ino knelt behind Karin and began massaging her breasts and soft belly.

Karin sighed and jerked a little.

"No, no, keep the rhythm steady." Ino soothed, breath tickling the back of Karin's neck as her lips and tongue slid up and down sinuously against her skin.

"Ooh. Ooh. Ooh." Tayuya panted in Kin's mouth.

Ino was running her fingers through Karin's red hair, scraping lightly against her scalp, trailing ticklish down her neck and back, curving over her waist before searching for her clit which was larger then she expected and she pressed a thumb firmly on it and moved in circles, coating her pointer finger with her cum and then rubbing it back along her clit for lubrication.

"Ah-oh. Yeah." Karin whimpered, her voice high and girlish.

Ino pressed a little firmer and Karin enjoyed the feeling of her rapidly slickening clit being moved around faster, almost ticklish but so good she never wanted the blonde girl to stop.

Ino then rubbed her now wet finger just barely inside of her, creating a sweet, sliding movement and Karin eagerly began copying Ino's movements for Tayuya, making the pink haired girl cum hard.

Ino rubbed her slick lips between her fingers, massaging the bump between the lips in a rotating motion and Karin came. Exhaustion finally settled in and the four girls eventually fell asleep on the floor.

When the first morning rays streamed in through the blinds, Karin woke up and looked around.

Kin had her head pillowed on Ino's stomach, while Ino had her breast cupped in her hand. Tayuya mumbled something in her sleep and flung her arm over her face, very close to Kin's dripping pussy.

Karin quietly slipped on her shirt and pulled on her hands when she felt a hard lump in her pocket. She grinned when she realized it was her cell phone. The way she figured it, this was perfect blackmail material and because she was the one taking the picture, they could never entirely prove that she'd been with them. She angled the camera and when she had the three of them captured perfectly clicked the button before fleeing the room, her delighted cackling could be heard all down the corridors.


	45. Pandemonium: Never Give the Pleasure

**Pandemonium:**

**Never Give the Pleasure**

In which Uncle Kankuro gives sage advice

* * *

Kankuro trudged along the dusty street towards the Academy. Gaara was in a meeting that would take him hours to get out of, Yugure and Temari were on a mission together and he was the one babysitting. His oldest niece had just started the academy a few months ago. She'd been excited at first, but after the first few days had grown uncharacteristically sulky and unhappy. It didn't take a genius to figure out why.

She was sitting there waiting for him, alone and unhappy and sniffling softly.

"Hey Tsu-chan!" He called out, swinging her up in his arm until she was perched on his shoulder.

She giggled a little.

"What's the matter huh? You know you can tell your uncle Kankuro."

Kankuro did not like kids, but for his nieces and nephew he'd learned to make an exception and the hero worship that resulted was well worth it.

"The other kids are mean to me." She murmured. "They don't like me. They even cornered me against the fence and started throwing stuff at me."

Kankuro frowned.

"Hey kid. Know what?"

"What?"

"Never give them the pleasure of seeing you cry."

She nodded.

"And if you have too, bloody a few noses. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Hey uncle Kankuro I forgot something."

"Ok."

He watched as she scampered back towards the school yard, poured her water in the dirt and with the help of her sand jutsu started flinging it at the other kids.

Those kids squealed and ran as wet sand dripped down their faces, Tsuru hot on their heels, laughing all the way.

Hmm. That wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but it would do.

She trotted back to him, a proud smile on her face.

"Way to show em kiddo." He said patting her on the head.

His little brother would give them an earful for it, but it was worth it to help get her back to the way she was. He decided.


	46. Pandemonium: HeavyHanded

**Pandemonium: ****Heavy Handed**

Kakuzu sighed, he'd spent so much time yelling at the kids that he'd forgotten to make them stretch and now they were sore and stiff. He wanted to let them suffer since they were old enough to remember to stretch on their own time but then they would laze around all day tomorrow and he would not have that! Especially since the third exam was only a c couple of weeks away.

Heaven help him if anyone told the Kazekage he was giving his only daughter a massage. Male nin were notoriously protective of their children, especially their daughters and he was sure the former jinchuuriki was no exception to the rule, but it had to be done. He cracked his knuckles and went to work.

A few minutes into it and Tsuru was groaning, whimpering and squirming to get away from him.

"Quit whining and hold still." He growled.

"Look sensei, I know you're used to working on burley old man-beasts, but I aint one of. I'm bird-boned." She whined.

"Man beasts." Usagi and Jashin snickered.

"You're also bird-brained, but I don't whine about it." He gripped a little tighter in irritation.

"Ow-how-how-howww…"

"Yeah quit whining Tsuru. I'm sure it's not that bad." Usagi said.

"Just wait'll it's your turn! The way sensei does it, it's like he's trying to crunch my bones!"

"Fe fi fo fum." The twins said with identical smirks, then glared at each other.

Kakuzu gave them an odd look, not understanding the reference.

"Copycat." Usagi stuck out her tongue.

Jashin snorted and looked away.

"Jashin, get over here." He said when he was finished with Tsuru, whose eyes were watering and was mincing away from him as fast as she could.

"And go stretch it out. Slowly." He called after her.

Jashin was clenching his jaw a couple of minutes into it. Tsuru was right. It did hurt. It hurt somethin awful. He pushed his face into the pillow and tried not to whimper or complain at the heavy handed mauling he was receiving.

"Quit tensing and relax Jashin. Your going to make things worse." Kakuzu told him.

"Relax he says." Jashin muttered under his breath. "Yeah, sure."

Kakuzu snorted.

Fortunately it lasted about fifteen minutes. He limped off in misery to go join his cousin.

"Usagi." Kakuzu growled.

"Heh. It can't be that bad." She said. "Bunch a pussies."

Not even a minute into it and she was pounding her fist against the bed.

"Is this how you interrogate people sensei?" She groaned. "This isn't what a massage feels like! It's sposed to be all relaxing and shit!"

"Surely you of all people can handle a little pain Usagi-chan?" Kakuzu asked with a hint of cruel amusement in his voice.

"But you don't understand sensei!" She wailed. "This-really-hurts!"

"Quit acting like such a baby and hold still." He commanded. "If you can't deal with a little pain, than your in the wrong profession."

She was such a drama queen, just like her father. He thought.

"It's not like I've got much choice." She grumbled.

When all was said and done he looked at his students, crossed his arms and said,

"Now I hope you've all learned your lesson."

"Yes sensei." They muttered.

"Good. I don't want to have to massage you again because you were too lazy to stretch."

"No sensei." Jashin and Tsuru murmured.

"_Like I would want to get a massage from you again." _Jashin thought.

"_No way I'm recommending him to any massage parlor." _Tsuru rubbed her achy back.

"Jerk." Usagi muttered darkly.


	47. A Little Rowdy

_**A Little Rowdy**_

_This is written for Ayana_

_In which Tayuya and Anko get drunk and a man fight ensues_

* * *

Ibiki sighed, once Anko had found out that Ibiki had got himself a girlfriend, she'd invited them over.

He'd been tense and nervous, for the first few hours, ready to break up a fight, but frighteningly, the two opinionated, violent women got along swimmingly. He just wasn't sure how long it would last.

Zabuza seemed less pleased to see both of them and glowered silently from beside Anko, his sword resting menacingly on his back.

Though neither Ibiki or Tayuya were intimidated.

Tayuya and Anko were soon playing drinking games and of course, the more they drank, the louder they got.

As far as Ibiki was concerned, disaster was now a sure thing.

"Ha! Too bad we're not at a bar, we could slam a shot for every time Gai said the word youth!"

Tayuya choked on her drink in laughter and it half sprayed, half drizzled from her mouth as the women high fived each for the third time.

Zabuza took a shot himself, his own mood growing more sour by the second, he didn't like the Master Interrogator and he didn't like Tayuya either. She had once caught him in a powerful genjutsu and had seriously wounded his ego and made him make a fool of himself to a guffawing crowd of Genin.

"Wait right here Ibiki san! I'm gonna make you something good." Anko said cheerily and hauled a bunch of ingredients from the fridge

Ibiki really didn't want anymore to drink, he'd lived too long and made too many enemies to get plastered, but Anko shoved the tropical drink in front of him anyways after adding pineapple juice to it.

"Anko you know I don't like pineapp-"

"But we have to make you tasty." She interrupted.

Ibiki had a mental image of getting roasted like a pig on a spit.

Zabuza blinked.

"Tasty for Ta-yu-YA!"

Her meaning suddenly sunk in and he shot her an irritable glare.

Tayuya cackled and grabbed the pineapple juice.

"Well if that's the case then put half the bottle in! I'm gonna need it tonight. Drink up babe!"

If he hadn't known them for as long as he had, he'd be visibly embarrassed.

"Haa haa haaa!" Anko brayed and they high fived each other yet again.

This was going to be a long day.

As it started getting dark out, Ibiki had had enough, he stood up, grabbed the large bottles of liquor and started putting them away.

"Hey whaddya dooin?" Tayuya drawled. "Thingser jus getting good."

"Aw c'mon Ibiki san. Give it back."

"I think you've had enough." He said crisply.

That had been the trigger Zabuza was looking for, he'd been itching to start a fight all day and now he had one.

"Don't tell my woman what to do in her own house." He growled.

Ibiki ignored him.

Zabuza lunged forward, Ibiki side stepped him at the last moment, sending the younger nin crashing into the chair, Zabuza was on him in a moment and the two shinobi were punching, rolling on the ground, beating the shit out of each other.

"Woohoo! It's a cat fight! Take off his shirt!"

Anko cheered drunkenly.

"It's not a cat fight, it's a man fight!" Tayuya corrected drunkenly. She hadn't had this much fun drinking for a while.

"Dog fight?" Anko offered.

"Mog fight?"

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" They cheered and Anko broke out whiskey and shot glasses, each girl taking a hit every time one man punched the other in the face.

The drunken brawl was finally broken up by Haku who sent his ice needles into pressure points that immobilized them.

:as he removed the needles from Ibiki and stabbed pressure points to let him up. He said, "You should probably take her home Ibiki-san."

Ibiki agreed and got to his feet, a large bruise on his face and his back scraped raw.

And as Tayuya leaned against Ibiki for support on the way home she murmured, "That was fun, we'll have to go again."

"Like hell we would." He growled and she laughed.


	48. Family Reunion Pt 1

Family Reunion Pt 1

In which Kakuzu has an impromptu family reunion and must disguise himself and Tsuru

The twins had gotten sick with Suna Pox, a highly contagious and irritating illness. This left Kakuzu stuck with Tsuru and they had gone to take a scroll to Hidden Leaf. Unfortunately things turned sour for them once they reached Waterfall. Kakuzu sensed all too familiar chakra signatures coming up fast.

Tsuru quick! Cast a genjutsu over your eyes to make them appear like mine, then hide your gourd and your headband! Whatever you do, don't contradict me and go along with whatever I say."

Tsuru was baffled, but the urgent tone in his voice was enough to keep her from questioning his orders and for once she did as she was told.

"Yashayama-san! We haven't seen your craggy ass since you moved to Wave.

He looked at Tsuru.

Tsuru looked back unabashedly at the Wakahisa clan members.

"Huh. I didn't know you were still…potent at your age." He snickered.

Kakuzu bristled despite himself.

"My my, haven't you been a busy bee?" The Wakahisa woman sneered behind him.

"It was a one-night fling in Wind Country, I was passing through when I caught sight of her attempting to manipulate water from a bucket though the Kekkai Genkai never took hold." Kakuzu explained.

He silently blessed the fact that Tsuru had an affinity for Water Jutsu.

The man peered into her eyes, the girl had a wild carefree look to her.

The girl stuck out her tongue indignantly.

"She seems a little undisciplined."

"It's to be expected, her mother let her run wild." He growled. "Getting custody of her was not easy. It took me a year to do it! Stubborn, lazy woman."

"How long have you had her for?"

"1 year."

"How old is she now?"

"I'm twelve!" Tsuru said in her best obnoxious Usagi imitation.

They sighed it would take the child twice as long to develop.

Yashayama Wakahisa had successfully raised four sons, buried two, trained five Genin teams and had led the ANBU in his time, all by an unholy discipline regiment that would have given Root a run for it's money.

Yet the very thought of this unruly, half-pint running him ragged was too delicious an irony to ignore and one of the things that the Wakahisa clan loved most, was to see someone they didn't like get their comeuppance.

"Did you bring her back here for training?"

"Hell no! Do you think I'd want to raise her in this poverty stricken pit?"

If there was one thing the clan agreed on, it was that Waterfall needed to change its ways in terms of finance and manpower. None of the clan would have preferred to raise their children here, if they had their way about it.

Her eyes were a lighter shade of green and her hair was a perfect shade of black, unlike Yashayama's which was dark brown, but that could be easily explained as a result of diluted blood and many clan members had black hair. Judging from her delicate features, her mother must have been quite a beauty, but looking at her limbs and body proportions, it was obvious that she'd never have the tall, sinewy stature of the clan women. The girl was doomed to forever be a runt among giants.


End file.
